Good morning.
I don't have many old photo's. When I was a bridesmaid at my best friend Carol's wedding, she had a professional photographer, so I ordered a set of photographs. I'm trying to remember what year that was. I think we were in our early twenties when the wedding took place.
Boyfriends came, and they went, but there was never the right one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The term 'settle down' was often bandied about, as if that was the only option and everyone would get sucked into it at some point in their life.
Oh, I thought about it, should I or shouldn't I? Settle down, oh no, I don't fancy that at all. An awful thought. Settle down and be legally chained to someone I didn't love. They say you can grow to love someone, but if there isn't that spark there right from the start there is no point in hoping and praying that it might work, when there is obviously a mismatch going on.
And so life went on, with no obvious suitor on the scene. Besides I was busy working. Trying new jobs, and moving about.
After a while I realised that I might never get married. I had two proposals, which weren't quite right so I had to end them. For their sakes, not mine. I wasn't right for them. They were kind and deserved someone better.
I had two disastrous relationships which might have lead to something permanent, but I was not prepared to suffer being bullied. They had to go.
I now know that I was never meant to be married. It was never in me. A feeling I had right from being a teenager. I always knew I wouldn't have children.
Some might think I am a lonely old spinster, a batty old woman, they are so wrong on that score. I weathered the storms, and made my choices. If something doesn't feel right then it isn't right.
Now I am off to Coffee Morning to chat with friends.
I wish you a happy Wednesday. Toodle pip. ilona
I don't believe marrage is actually good for women, it's just a form of control, like most of our 'society'. I wish I had never married, and now I am trapped (literally) . My mother had an abusive 1st marriage and it affected the rest of her life, what she did, how she behaved towards us (couldn't show any love). Her 2nd marrage was to my father, two hurt people who came together for companionship. I hate my husband, I say that with him currently sulking and doing the silent treatment on me today, ... anon from Yorkshire.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story. Try and take time out, even if it's only ten minutes. You may be a carer, I don't know, but you have to grab a little bit of time for yourself. You deserve it.
DeleteIlona we are similar in your story.i also was proposed to twice and then went on to have two bullying boyfriends.like yourself the spark was never right I could not be tied just for the sake of it.i moved about quite a lot with my jobs which I still enjoy it I have to go to another city for work.I found a quiet person to have my boys with but we didn't stay together.my own choices have always been so important to me.you are far from a silly old bat you've lead a really interesting life worked hard and kept yourself well that's a lot to be proud of.im sure if your parents are looking on from somewhere they would say wow our Ilona has lived a great life.Its not over for you yet many people live well I to there nineties now so keep up the good workxx
ReplyDeleteThank you Jo. You have been a consistent commenter on my blog, I appreciate that. I feel we would get on great if we were ever to meet. I wish you a long and happy life.
Delete♥️🙌🙏✨️👑👸♠️ a queen can wear her own crown you are a fine example ilona of single life.. it's not lonely if you make your life fun.. be your own person and don't think what other's think. I don't 👍 🤝 and isn't if better that way mother.
ReplyDelete👑 😌 ✨️ 😍 🙌
Levi xx ♥️
It saddens me to know that some people wander through life never finding their happy place. It is never too late. There are so many roads to take. If people find they are on the road to nowhere, divert, and try a different route.
DeleteSomeone on Substack said last week that children shouldn't be asked if they have a girl/boyfriend, as it plays into the narrative, and as folks get older, whose business is it if they don't want to get married. People should be left to decide what they want without feeling they have to conform to society.
ReplyDeleteTo ask a child that question is usually done as a cheeky joke, to encourage a smile. We are losing the art of silly banter.
DeleteI agree when they're little, it's just to get a smile out of them. It's when they get a bit older and are embarrassed that it gets wearing.
DeleteI am happily married. 33 years. We have faced many challenges. Multiple family deaths. My husband suffering several stays in a psychiatric hospital with bipolar. Me living through three lots of redundancies fighting for my job after 27 years at a college. But it's made us stronger. I am proud of my marriage. Proud of my husband and proud of myself.
ReplyDeleteWhen you have the backup from a perfect partner you are lucky. Best to stick with it.
DeleteI used to hate all the "Are you courting yet?/When are you getting married?/When are you going to start a family?" questions. I did all three and am still very happily married after 37 years - 44 years together in total. But, if those things hadn't happened, I would have been quite happy on my own and, if anything happened to my husband now, I would never get married again. I have a friend who keeps leaving and then going back to her abusive husband because she just can't live on her own. Crazy!
ReplyDeleteRelationships can be a breeze, or a complicated web of play acting and lies. There is always the option of staying or going.
DeleteFrom the hairdo it looks mid 60s. I was a flowergirls in 65 with a very similar do (what a thing to do to a 5yo child, lol).
ReplyDeleteOur oldest son was with his wife for roughly 13 years. We bit our tongues because we knew she wasn't the "one". When she finally left him, he was relieved. He's happy, doing things he never did because she came first. He always wanted to be a father, luckily he didn't start a family with her because as he puts it, "she would have walked away from a child without a look back". He's hopeful that a family is still in his future.
Yes, late sixties. I was into wigs and wore a hairpiece for this.
DeleteI hope your son finds a new partner who has similar aspirations.
I was happily married 59 years till death did us part, and have learnt a lot the last two years from Ilona on how to live the single life happily so thank you for that, having interests, mixing with friends, getting outdoors and keeping your home in order seems the way to go.best wishes Marie Horsham Australia
ReplyDeleteIt's never too late to make changes. I knew I could never love one person for life. For me that was a step too far.
DeleteI hope you have many more happy years. Enjoy the company of your friends, explore pastures new. Don't waste a minute of it.
I totally agree with you, if something doesn't feel right, it isn't right. I love visiting here to see what you're up to, thank you for blogging!
ReplyDelete