The pooch has his say. Guest post

Hello and woof woof. The old bat has been pestering me to write a guest post for her bonkers blog, so here I am. I don't know why she sits at this computer for hours, tapping away, shuffling pictures about, deleting and re writing, I will show her that it can be done with the minimum of fuss, just belt it out, click publish and be done with it in half an hour. She waffles on like there isn't a sensible word in her head, when all it needs is a kick up the arse to get on with it.

We went on holiday, you probably read that load of twaddle, that was her side of it. Now let me tell you my side. It was a chuffin long way down there, being strapped up in the car was not much fun. There was no room to move about, change positions, or even pick my nose. She got me fastened in so tightly, what did she think was going to happen? I wasn't going anywhere, hardly sensible to jump out of a moving car. Alright, I know, she was only thinking about my safety in case of some idiot smashing into us. Going through the windscreen would not do anything to enhance my already handsome mush. Her driving is A1, I'm sure she would pass a driving test with flying colours if she was required to take one, so no worries there.

Anyway, we arrived at the campsite without incident. I managed to keep my legs crossed for most of the journey, but to be fair, she did make a pee stop or two. We pulled into a service station on the M5 for a comfort break, around about Gloucester I think. With a lot of mumbling and chuntering, we pulled straight out again. What was all that about? No bloody grass she says. The place was a new build, the grass had not yet grown around the car park and it was still bare earth, I had to laugh.

A pitch was located at the camp site, away from the maddening crowd, not that there were many people there, they had all gone home. She put the tent up and we had some nosh. I couldn't see how we were both going to fit in that piddling little tent,. The night was still young so she took me for a walk. Luckily the canal was close by so off we went down the tow path. The smells down there were smashing. I love to find new pongs, especially when a lady dog has been piddling around. Ooops, that's my street cred gone down the drain, ha ha.

We managed to fit in the tent alright, I'm glad that she put my proper bed in the car with my favoutite cushion. Next morning we woke nice and early, well she did, I just opened one eye and caught a glimpse of her backside crawling through the tent flap. Do you know, she slept with all her clothes on, how disgusting is that. I know it gets a bit chilly overnight, but really. She was gone for ages, I decided to go and look for her. It was easy to break out of the tent, and I made my way to the toilet block. Lo and behold, out she came with her wash bag. Smells a bit sweeter now, I thought. You should have seen the look of surprise on her face, doesn't she know that I can find my way around by just following my nose, ha ha.

We went to some great places, good job she put the buggy in the car, my little legs wouldn't have been able to do all that walking. One thing I did get a bit fed up with was being plonked in front of an unusual building,  or a lot of hanging baskets, and being told to smile while she points her camera at my mush. I mean, how many chuffiin pictures does she need? Every few minutes the camera came out, must have been a couple of hundred, and most of them will get thrown away. That woman sure does make a lot of work for herself.

I like the bit where we got to sit in a campervan, well she sat, and I lay on my bed on the floor. I have never been in one of those before, it was well cozy. I could have stayed there all night. Maybe if I ask her nicely she might get us one of those.

We did the usual traipse around charity shops, I was allowed to go into the Blue Cross shop, the nice lady patted me on the head and said what a cutie I am. Oh gawd, another pat on the head. I know I'm a cutie, but all this patting on the head is likely to give me a migraine. As a consolation for my discomfort, she who cracks the whip bought me a teddy. Two in fact, as they had an offer of buy one get one free. By the way, she might think she is the boss, but I know what I can get away with, ha ha.

So, what was the best part of the holiday? I like the pesky squirrels in the park, pity I haven't got the energy to chase them any more. I thought it was funny to see her huffing and puffing up that steep hill to Berry Head, and then when we got to the top, all the nice views that she wanted to see were lost in the fog. That was funny. I went to sleep on the way down, ha ha.

I must say though, I'll give her credit for making it an interesting holiday, seeing lots of different places suits me down to the ground. Mind you, I need a rest now to recover. Too much excitement is no good for the old ticker. There's a bit of good news to pass on though. My arthritis is greatly improved just lately. I can now go for a walk without the buggy. Not quite hopping and skipping just yet, but you never know, I'm on the way to becoming a recycled teenager. She's been putting some yellow stuff on my food, and now there's some cod liver oil in there as well. Must be doing some good because I'm feeling quite perky again when I go out.

I know I poke fun at her, but she's not a bad old stick, and I love her.

PS. By the way, I've got my manager onto the job of starting my fan club. The opening offer is £20 for a years membership, only available for one day. If you miss that the normal price will be £200  ;o)) 

Thank you Rocky for your doggy slant on life. Love you too.