Panic over

I last went shopping on the 23rd of July, the day before the rule about masks in shops came in. Ever since then I have been stressing about how I would feel when I had to go shopping again. You may remember that I made a mask, and I had a trial run wearing it in Aldi. I have to say it was an awful experience that I didn't want to repeat. I've been trying to work out why I hate my face to be covered. I need unrestricted breathing, I need to fill my lungs with air.

 

Looking back I can now see several incidents which filled me with panic. The time I was in hospital when I was 9 or 10. Being put to sleep for a tonsils operation, that wad cotton wool doused with awful smelling chemical being shoved on my face, the panic I felt. I remember it well.

There were a lot of smokers in my family. I remember gasping for air when they lit up, I had to leave the room and sometimes the house, because I couldn't breath. I still have to hold my breath now if I pass a smoker in the street. Shocking awful way to poison your lungs. 

I remember being bussed to the municipal baths in town once a week for swimming lessons. Every trip was a nightmare, I worked myself up into such a panic. I could not put my head under water, that's why I have never learnt how to swim. I used to splash around a lot, hoping the teacher wouldn't notice that I wasn't really trying. I started to write my own excuse notes and signed them with my dad's name. Eventually the teacher got used to me not being there so I stayed behind and read a book in a classroom. I'm so glad they gave up on me. 

I went to a theme park with my boyfriend, we went on the Reverse Bungee. Strapped inside a cage which twirls as it bounces up and down. I lost control of my breathing and almost lost consciousness. They called the medics to me. Hyperventilating is a frightening experience. 

When I drove the powder tanker delivering cement, most of the places had very good filters in the silo which eliminated nearly all of the dust. It was the law to keep the working place clean. However, some of them were not so clean. I had to wear goggles, and it was advisable to wear a dust mask as well. I struggled with that. 

I was put under once again in hospital when I was 59. By this time it was a lot more sophisticated, no more wads of cotton wool. I wasn't keen on this part of the operation, but I knew I had to do it because I might die if I didn't. 

So, with all this going on in my head, the thought of a mask over my face horrifies me. I have been reading the Government web site concerning the rules and regulations, and found a section that went into detail about masks. I have to say I hadn't thought of looking that closely at the government site, my only news comes from a few mainstream headlines, which I immediately dismiss as tosh. I look at a lot of alternative media.  I noticed there was quite a few of mentions about how people could claim exemption. It was a relief to find out that I could claim a medical exemption. So I went shopping last night at 8.30pm wearing this. Printed off from the government web site. 

At that time it was very quiet, only two other people in there. I thought the shop might be closed as I approached it, but no, it was open, closing at 9pm. I sailed through the store filling my trolley, no one to question me, no black looks. Even if someone does question, I don't have to answer. One staff member was wearing a mask, the others weren't. It was such a relief to come out with a trolley full of shopping and no hassle. I hope this helps other people in this situation. Thanks for popping in. Toodle pip.  ilona