Say what you think, say what you mean

Just thought I would throw this random post into the mix, some random thoughts going through my head, which may or may not interest you. Something John said from DUYH triggered it off. He said he wears his heart on his sleeve. I had to look this up as I wasn't sure of the correct meaning. According to the Cambridge Dictionary it means 'to make your feelings and emotions obvious rather than hiding them'. 

Now I don't think that's a bad thing, I am a bit like that. I've always been an 'up front' kind of person, what you see is what you get so to speak. Sometimes I think I may let too many cats out of the bag, and give too much away, but something tells me it's better to be like that than to bottle things up and keep secrets. In relationships I hate not knowing and I hate uncertainty. I am not a very good guesser of what is going through other people's minds, so sometimes there is a chance I could put my bloody great foot in it. Oh yes, I've made a few bloomers in my time, opened my mouth before I've got my brain into gear, ha ha.

I much prefer the type of person who is able to say what they think, I would rather they do not hold back and retreat within themselves, because I am hopeless at reading between the lines. I need things spelling out to me, I need people to be honest with their opinions and thoughts. I can't read minds. I know that if everyone said exactly what they were thinking there would be quite a few hurt feelings, so saying that I do have a little bit of tact and diplomacy within me. I would not knowingly set out to be rude or to hurt someone.

There have been times when I've had to hold my tongue, and that has been quite difficult to do because of my openess (is that a word?) and because I prefer to embrace truth and honesty. I hate pussyfooting around, and treading on eggshells, far better to say what one thinks, or is it? That brings me on to telling untruths, porkies, big ones and little white ones. No point in telling someone their dress sense is crap if they are happy with it, why burst their bubble. Mind you, I don't mind if someone tells me my DIY haircut looks rubbish, I can take it, and will probably agree with them, ha ha. I really don't like liars who lie to make themselves look good. Some of it maybe a bit of harmless bullshit, I think I can spot that a mile off. But if someone keeps their cards close to their chests, (another good saying), I immediately wonder, hey what's going on here, what have they got to hide?

I dislike conflict of any kind and will go out of my way to avoid it, so it is much easier for me to know where I stand with people. I met someone from a forum once, and thought we got on quite well. I was shocked when afterwards she sent me some quite nasty messages, still not saying why she did not like me. I was completely oblivious to the vibes I must have been giving out, for her to dislike me so much. To this day I still do not know what I did or said to annoy her. So by wearing my heart on my sleeve I leave myself open to being hurt. Even so, I think that is preferable than withdrawing into a shell and  keeping stuff festering inside.

I am amazed by the number of people in relationships who have secrets from their partner. This scenario comes up quite a lot on the Money Saving Expert forums. Usually one partner has a lot of debt that the other one doesn't know about. Now I don't know how the mechanics work in a long term relationship, I have been in a few many years ago, that's if you can call six years 'long term', and I wonder how one person who has made a commitment to live with another as a couple can have such a whopping big secret. How awful to find out that the person you are shacked up with is not the person you thought they were. Yeah, we've all got skeletons in the cupboard, most of them so trivial they're completely forgotten about. But for someone to say, honey I forgot to tell you, I owe fifty thousand quid to a loan company and my cards are maxed out to a few grand, you could be forgiven for getting on the next train and getting the hell out of there. Obviously if the relationship is very strong the couple might be able to find a way to work through the crisis, but wouldn't life be easier if people were more upfront and declared their secrets in the first place.

Anyway, I think 'wearing your heart on your sleeve' also means not holding back on your emotions, in my mind, that is also a good thing. Sometimes you just gotta let it be known how you are feeling. By speaking about whatever is bothering you helps you to work things out. I have always had the ability to dig into my thoughts and come up with a solution and move on.

I think I've rambled enough, it's lunch time and I want to use up the rest of the white paint before another skin forms and I have to bin the tin. Ha ha, bin the tin, that's a good one. What's the moral of this story, whatever you want to make of it really. All I can say is that I like people who say what they think, and say what they mean. Toodle pip.