Rebuilding self esteem.

 Good evening. 

Howz your Easter Sunday been for you? Here, the wind has blown a lot, then it's gone, then it rained, then the sun came out, then it was windy again, then we had a hail storm, and on top of all that, it's been chuffing freezing cold. There was a couple of places I could have gone to, but after all the changing of minds, shall I risk it, no perhaps better not, I didn't go out at all. 

I have been sewing, making a book cover. I haven't got the measurements quite right so I don't think it will fit the book I have in mind. I looked for another one, I haven't got many. I came across this one. It says published in 1990, though I cannot remember which year I bought it. 

Cast your mind back to 15th December 2009, were you reading this blog then? I wrote about my battles with Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Here is a quote from that post. . . . . .

I have grown up hating my face, a bold statement but true. As I said, it started with bullying, my teenage years were hell at times as I struggled to fit in. The swinging sixties were indeed exciting, I dreamt of kissing Paul McCartney, I imagined myself singing on stage like Cilla, walking down the catwalk after Twiggy, I idolised these people. Then I caught sight of myself in the mirror and it caused me great sadness. No matter how I tried to copy their styles, their fashions, and their looks, it always ended in tears. It was hopeless, I would never be pretty.

Another quote to save me typing it out again. 

I was listening to a programme on Radio 4 about a charity called Changing Faces. I heard the story of James Partridge, a young man who was horrifically burnt in an accident when his landrover turned over and caught fire. He went through many operations and skin grafts to restore his face to some form of normality.

I took the phone number down and rang him. I explained how I hated my face, and asked if I could attend his courses for confidence building. I felt a bit of a fraud really because to the outside world I do not have any facial disfigurements. I explained that my scars are on the inside. He was so understanding and said I would be welcome to meet him. I booked the two day course.

I met some lovely people at Changing Faces, and James himself was wonderful, it did my confidence a power of good. I strolled around the streets with him during the lunch break, and I noticed people looking the other way and couldn't think why. When I talked to him I looked through the outer covering to the person inside, and I saw a beautiful man. He put everyone he met at ease, he was so confident, and I wanted to learn how to do that.

Finding this book has prompted me to goooogle him. Sadly he passed away in August 2020, aged 67. I will never forget his kindness. His charity, Changing Faces is still active and continues to help people come to terms with their disfigurements. Here is his Wiki page.  

The Changing Faces web site is here.

Today there are people who are born with disfigurements, or have been disfigured through accidents, as James was. Now people are looking for physical enhancement through surgery, and it is plastered all over the media. It's a shame that some of these have gone too far and don't know when to stop in their search for perfection.  It's also a shame that people do not look for counselling before going under the knife. 

This comment came in, I decided to publish it. 

Anonymous4 April 2026 at 18:18

A mask of shit for your ugly face !

It is a classic troll comment, from someone who is not happy in their world. I suggest they take a look in the mirror. Just for you I have replaced my header with a picture of my ugly face. 

Thanks for popping in. Another Bank Holiday tomorrow, so make the most of it. 

Toodle pip.   ilona

Belle paints.

Good morning. 

In this painting I see the skill of the artist. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Belle paints. 

She can paint herself as well. 

Belle Spofforth. She is on TwitterX

Storm David is still threatening us this morning. If it blows over I will go out later. 

Have a good Easter Sunday everyone.

Toodle pip.  ilona

A walk and a food shop.

Good evening.

I can hear Storm David doing it's thing tonight. It's blowing like crazy. I've just been out with a torch to check that everything is tied down. I spied two hedgehogs having fun under the table on the lawn. Can't work out if they are enjoying themselves or having a scrap. 

I set off for a walk at 2.30pm this afternoon. Didn't take any litter picking gear with me because I didn't think I would find any litter. It's a track that I use regularly, and since they have vehicular access blocked at both ends there really shouldn't be any litter. There is some, a few drinks cans. Not enough to fill a bag. 

Lovely to see the wild garlic back again. Someone has been building a den here. Nothing in it, just a bit of fun for the kids. 

A few white flowers are beginning to appear. 

Now why do people bag up their dog poo and leave it on the ground. There are no bins here. Wouldn't it be a better idea to take a small shovel with you and chuck the poo into the rough grass where no one is walking. I used to use a plastic child's spade. 

Spring flowers are everywhere. 

My intention was to check out another Industrial Estate to see if there was a litter problem there. There is, lots of it. Looks like this might be getting my attention soon. 

I found these two bottles hidden behind a tree on the approach road from the village. They look clean so they have only recently been dumped. 

Time to head off back home. The clouds have started to come over and it's getting a tad windy. 

A delivery of new pallets, ready for the turf harvesting. 

I had a job to hold the camera steady for this, the wind was almost blowing me over. A lot of zoom, a wood on the other side of the field. 

Here is a shopping video for those who like to compare food prices. A selection of what I bought yesterday at Aldi.

That's all for now. Thanks for popping in. Enjoy your Easter Sunday.

Toodle pip.   ilona

The way it's going . . . . . . .

72,750 views 30 Mar 2026

Steven Edginton of GB News sits down with Ayaan Hirsi Ali for a wide-ranging and controversial interview on immigration, Islamism, and the future of Europe. Hirsi Ali warns that political alliances between the far-left and Islamist movements are reshaping Western democracies,

Ayaan Hirsi Ali: Radical Muslims are about to flood Europe

Hirsi explains how this is going to be done, but the warning signs are already there. 

A lot of people arrive by boat. We pick them up and transport them to check in centres.

They are given clean clothes, a mobile phone, a place to live, and some pocket money. 

They hang about in groups on the streets, because they have nothing to do. 

They are waiting. But waiting for what? 

Instructions come through on their mobile phones. 

Meet up in the High Street at 2pm, we are going to rob some shops. 

We will get away with it because they haven't got the manpower to control us. 

There are more of us than there are of them. 

We can do what we like. We can have anything we want. We will just take it. 

We like to think that mobile phones are a great invention. We are pushed into getting connected online  via our hand held gadgets. Couldn't be easier. Our companions are there with us every step of the way. We are never alone when we have a smartphone in our hand. 

But we must also consider that they can be used as a weapon against us. Hirsi explains how this is happening right now. It's not incompetence from our Government, they know what they are doing. The same thing is happening throughout the Western World. 

Read, watch, listen. The far left are inviting everyone in. The far right are trying to protect our country and preserve our heritage.

Now get on with your own life. 

Have a good weekend. Toodle pip.   ilona 

Reflections at Easter.

Dear readers.

This weekend is a time to reflect on Christianity. People go to churches to pray. I was raised with Christian values. My parents never went to church, and neither did I. 

We sang hymns and said prayers every morning at Junior School. It was called Assembly. That's how it was. It was there that I realised that I couldn't see the words on a gigantic song sheet hanging on the wall at the front of the classroom. I was about six or seven. I had to learn all the words by heart. I still remember some of them. I told my mum and she took me to get my eyes tested. Then I had to start wearing glasses. Horrible ugly National Health specs. 

A few years later I started to go to a Methodist Church. It seemed a good idea as my friends were going. I joined the choir. It was friendly and relaxed, and fun. After the service there was a club like atmosphere. I dropped that when I became interested in pop music and fashions. 

And then the Sixties happened. I have never felt compelled to go to church since then. I let go of it, and moved on. My attitude now is that religion should be a private decision for the individual. It should not be used as a battering ram to indoctrinate others, or even exterminate others. 

Religion is something you should feel inside of you. No need to share it at all. 

I wonder what John Lennon would think now, if he was still alive. Nice try John, 55 years later and nothing has changed. Now there are a lot more variable thrown into the mix. Nothing is simple. 

Imagine. 1971. 

 Imagine there's no heaven

It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion

Imagine no possessions
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday the world will live as one

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Enjoy your Easter break, whatever you decide to do.

Thanks for popping in. Toodle pip.   ilona 

Not playing their games

Good evening. 

I've spent most of the day in the garden today. Such a lot of work to be done. Got the lawnmower out for the first time this year. Surprised to find that it actually works. It was the cheapest one I could find at B & Q a lot of years ago. I don't bother with maintenance, just put it away after the last mowing in the Autumn. Switch it on in the Spring and it's good to go. 

Here I am having a little moan about an email I received from British Gas. 

Two dog walks today. The first one was cut short this morning. Carol was getting ready to go out so we only had fifteen minutes. I went back this evening after I put all the garden tools away, to give Billy another walk to make up for the short one this morning. 

Now I am tired so I will be off to bed shortly. 

Thanks for popping in. Catch ya tomorrow. Toodle pip.   ilona

What did I do today?

Eeeeeebygum. I've had a busy day. 

This is next doors lawn, I can see it from my upstairs window. There was a threesome going on, but where is mummy duck. Is she sitting on some eggs on a nest somewhere. 

First was the Coffee Morning. It's 10 till 12, but I always get there just before 11. Always late. There was an Easter raffle but I didn't win thank goodness. Twas an Easter basket of chocolates. Too much for one person. The winner kindly gave most of it away. 

Next a natter with Angela. Catching up with the gossip. The topic at the moment is the change in wheelie bin sizes. Our Council is pushing for more recycling so a bigger bin will make it easier. Just chuck it all in the same bin, glass, tins, plastic, paper, cardboard. They will sort it out at the depot. 

This afternoon I went back to the Industrial Estate to finish a job I started last week. A particularly bad spot, a rough piece of ground. It has taken three visits to get most of it up. How many bottles of pee did I find? Bear in mind that this is the third visit to this grot spot. 36 bottles today. Usually I just empty them, but this time I didn't. I had a strong clear plastic bag so it all went in together. 

That's enough for one day. Three red bags plus the urine. I don't need to come to this spot again, that will do for now. Plenty more grot spots on this estate.

 

Dropped off at my collection place, with the bag from yesterday. The Council are going to love me. Ha ha. I can imagine them when they come round in the truck. Oh no, not again. 😆😇😁

Here is a short video I recorded yesterday. Say hello to Mayze. 

A job well done today. Think I will have a day off tomorrow.

Thanks for popping in. Easter coming up. I might go out somewhere. It will be local though because the roads will be choc-a-block. Not going to sit in a traffic jam. 

Toodle pip.   ilona

Only one today

Good evening. 

It's been a bit warmer today. Still windy but not as bad as the last few days. A warning light came on in the car, same problem as before. Check tyre pressures, so off to the garage I went. Nice man checked them for me. 

Then I went to town to see Nikki at the Arts Centre. After that I called in at the petrol station and topped up with petrol. Wow, £1.50 a litre now. Crazy price. 

I pass the Industrial Estate on the way home so I checked my litter picking spots and thought I might as well fill a bag while I am here. I was surprised to find that the big concrete blocks at the road to nowhere, have been removed. I can now drive to the end of it. Maybe that will be another possible spot to fill a few more bags, if they don't bring the blocks back. 

Only one bag today. Time to go home. This is the maximum amount of grot that will fit in a red bag. The previous lot have been collected, so I will start a new pile with this one. 

Thanks for popping in. Sees ya tomorrow. Toodle pip.   ilona

What the heck ! ! !

Good morning.

WTH have I just watched??????????

It's enough to make you want to run away into the hills and cut yourself off from the rest of the world. 

Carl Vernon is stuck for words. 

If you want your brains scrambled, watch this. 

If you want to keep hold of your sanity, don't watch it. 

 It doesn't matter what they look like, it's what is coming out of their mouths that's important. 

Are they human or have they come from another planet? 

Catch ya later. Toodle pip.   ilona.

Hair today gone tomorrow.

A change of routine today. I didn't go to Crafty Club, I took Billy dog a walk instead. I was due to take him yesterday but the weather was so awful, by the time the litter picking was done I was ready for a sit down.  

This afternoon I couldn't stand my long straggly hair any longer. It was getting me down. It had to come off. I attacked it with a pair of scissors, first cutting lumps out of it, then tidying it up. Two mirrors facing each other makes the job easy. I haven't been to a proper hairdresser in years. Straight in the bath afterwards to get rid of all the loose hairs. Feels a lot better now. 

That's it for now. Toodle pip.   ilona

And four became five

Good morning. It is Monday.  

I was out yesterday afternoon. It was very windy but I thought I would have a mooch around the Industrial Estate to see if I could find any more grot spots. I might pick a bag or two, or maybe I won't. 

On the edge of the estate is this road to nowhere. I did a circular walk and came back along here. Drainage has been installed, deep holes along the edge at regular intervals. No metal grids, just holes. At the entrance to it are huge concrete blocks to stop vehicles going down to the end. I spoke to some dog walkers, they said it used to be a magnet for gypsy travellers. They set up camp there. That's why the owners of the land put the blocks down. 

What did I find? Rubbish, lots of it. 

The surrounding land is very swampy. There are lots of trails used by bikers, old and young, cyclists and motorised bikes. 

I got back to my car and found that a lorry had parked close by. I had a chat with the driver. He was there for the night and was just about to warm up his home made stew dinner. What a nice man he was. I made him laugh with my trucking stories. I almost envied him tucked up nice and warm inside his cab.  

Should I try and pick a bag of litter, it was very windy. Oh well, might as well now I am here. I prepared the trolley with the red bag inserted in the collapsible bucket thingy. I had a job to hold onto it, I grappled to keep it upright against the wind. It became easier once I started putting some weight into it. 

The result. One bag added to the pile I left on Friday. I won't be battling the wind again like that. Nope, sunny and dry and calm from now on. 

I desperately need a haircut. Perhaps that job will be done today. 

Thanks for popping in. Toodle pip.   ilona

My brother

Good morning. It is Sunday, and the first day of Summer. I have changed the time on my one battery powered house clock. I don't need to change my watch because I didn't turn it back in the Autumn. I go through the whole of winter just deducting one hour when I check the time. Now the time on my watch is correct. The computer and car have corrected themselves. 

Today is my brothers birthday. Stephen died when he was 59. He was 18 months younger than me. Today I am reflecting on his life. My memory of him is rather sketchy. We shared adventures in the village where we lived in a Council house. We each had our own friends, but sometimes we were naughty together. I remember we were sent to bed because we had been very naughty. We got a slapped bum and had no dinner that day. 

We had a dog which we got from the RSPCA at Derby. We named him Nipper, after the picture of the little dog on music records.

Stephen was an animal lover. He had a pigeon loft in our back garden. Always out there looking after them. He also had a rabbit. We had two cockerels and some white mice as well. Later on after he moved to Derby he notice a house up the street had a greyhound which was always tied up in their back garden. He knocked the door and asked if he could have it. The woman said yes, then the man came home and was angry that his wife had given the dog away. He demanded money from Stephen. Stephen told him to get lost, and said he would report him to the police. The man went away. Flash the greyhound spent the last years of his life with Stephen, even though he himself had to go without food in order to feed the dog. 

When we both left school we went our separate ways regarding work. Stephen had joined the Army Cadets when he was able to. He later went on to join the regular army. I remember going to his passing out parade at Stafford Barracks. Mum came with me. It didn't register with me, our little boy was now a man. 

Then we lost touch for a while. Stephen moved around and so did I. I was back with mum again in her Council flat. Stephen was also back, it was a bit cramped with two bedrooms, but we managed. 

Stephen's downfall was alcohol. He was a sensitive and impressionable young man and it sent him off the rails. He seemed to be following in the footsteps of our father. I blame the army for that. They taught him how to drink. The police picked him up one night, found him in the gutter, took him to the hospital to get him cleaned up before they brought him home. I left home and got a flat, to give them more room. 

After that it becomes more vague. He went to live in Bah Rain, don't know why, think it might have been for work. He met a young lady there and they shared a flat together. I went for a holiday there. After not seeing him for a few years I was shocked by how much he had changed. Something had happened to his personality, and I saw first hand how volatile he was. Sad to say but I left early, got the first flight I could back to the UK.  

No point in sharing details, what's past is past. He went to live in Mumbai with his now wife. Fast forward 17 years, he chose to not get in touch with us. We got an email from Ap to say he was gravelly ill and wasn't expected to live much longer. A week or so later he passed away in hospital. 

Stephen what happened to you. I think of you today on your birthday. 

The weather doesn't look too good outside. 

Enjoy your Sunday, whatever you are doing. 

Toodle pip.   ilona

Just horsing around

Good evening. 

After a warm and comfortable drive today I got to my destination only to step into a fridge. Don't be taken in by the blue sky, fluffy clouds, and sunshine, it was chuffing freezing. Bransby Horses is about an hours drive away, between Gainsborough and Lincoln. Check out their web site to see what they do. It's a charity I have been supporting for years. Today I went to hand over my donation and buy some goodies from their gift shop. 

I had a walk around the paddocks and took a few photo's. I had a nice chat with a friendly family. They had a young girl who is horse crazy. She had to stop and talk everything with four legs.🐎🐎🐎 

I made it into the shop just before they closed at 4pm. Look what I treated myself to, it was only £5, a bargain. Perfect, I have always wanted a pink backpack. I bought three jars of posh jam which I will donate as raffle prizes at the Coffee Mornings on a Wednesday. I couldn't resist buying a cotton tea towel as well. It has an eye catching cat design. I think this might get donated as well. It should be framed, it's too nice to use on wiping dishes. 

 

I knocked out this video this morning, and left it uploading onto yoootooob. It was ready when I got back. A chitchat before my breakfast. 

I wish this weather would warm up. Fed up of being cold.  Don't forget to put your clocks forward one hour if you are in the UK. We are now moving into British Summer Time. Summer, ha ha, that's a joke. 

Enjoy your Sunday. Toodle pip.   ilona

A good film to watch

Brenda Blethyn In Girls' Night (1998) | Love, Loss and Las Vegas Dreams | Julie Waters 1 hour 37 minutes.

Step inside the world of working-class Britain, where friendship, family, and dreams collide against the odds. Experience a heartfelt story of hope, humor, and resilience. In this powerful British drama, follow Dawn and Jackie as they navigate the everyday challenges of factory life, complicated relationships, and the thrill of a life-changing bingo win. As the sisters-in-law celebrate their unexpected fortune, their journey takes them from their tight-knit community to the dazzling lights of Las Vegas, all while facing personal battles, love, betrayal, and the harsh realities of illness. With sharp Northern wit and raw honesty, the film explores themes of loyalty, ambition, and what it truly means to live when time feels short.

Good Morning. 

This post is written arse about face, because I copied and pasted the film details the other day. So you get my bit, here at the bottom. Can't be bothered to change it. 

Two great actors, or is that actresses, in one film. I enjoyed it, but, Julie Walters character was much the same as Rita, in Educating Rita. Her mannerisms were the same. Would have expected a completely new personality. Remember Rita, when she stomped about smoking a lot, and kicked the door in at the tutors office. 

Something to watch over the weekend, if you are at a loose end. Click 'Watch on Youtube' 

It's windy again, but sunny and dry, so I have to go out. Where to? I have a couple of options.  

Catch ya later. Toodle pip.   ilona

Four bags today

Good evening. 

The rain did eventually stop so I was able to get out this afternoon. The rubbish I saw yesterday was beckoning me to go and pick it up. It's in a quiet dead end road on the Industrial Estate. The ground is rough with a lot of brambles. Good job I wear boots.

I did two bags, would I have time for another. Yes go for it. The sun was shining. I kept the glass separate and wondered if there was enough to fill another bag. I used a thicker clear plastic bag for that. Then I double bagged it with a red sack. It was very heavy. 

I noticed that someone else had dropped two bags off at the spot I usually use. I parked mine at the other entrance to the pond, where there is another litter bin. Normally I would expect my bags to be picked up quickly, but this week the Council have been a bit slow. They were there from Monday to Thursday. 

There is still a bit more litter where I got this from. Some of it is pretty disgusting. I must have emptied at least a dozen plastic bottles of pee. What's left can wait until I am ready. Or maybe someone else has got their eye on it. 

Thanks for popping in. Have a good weekend. Toodle pip.   ilona