Photo collage

 Good morning. I hope you had a good weekend. I did a three mile village walk yesterday in between heavy showers. The garden had a good watering so that saved me a job. I spent most of the day stitching. The book cover is finished so I will photograph it and put it on here later. 

I made this collage of photographs of my mush through the ages. Remember when it was cool to nip into a photo booth, adjust the stool to the correct height, feed a few coins into a slot, and wait for the flash. I so wanted to be a model like Twiggy. 

The top left is me as a nipper. The bottom left is my mum. I'm not sure what age she was then, I suspect it was taken at a time before she met my dad. 

What isn't obvious looking at these photo's is the absolute agony I went through during my teenage years. Yes there are smiles, but there were also lots of tears. I hated the way I looked. I tried my best to disguise that fact. Trying different hairstyles, wearing fashionable clothes. Sometimes I felt good enough to go out, and sometimes I wanted to stay at home and hide.  

Body dysmorphic disorder can manifest itself in different ways. For me it was all about my face, I hated it. As time went on I knew I had to live with it. I never considered that I might need some kind of help, it was something I had to come to terms with by myself. 

At 18 I threw myself into the big wide world and left home. Took on the challenge of finding a new place to live and a new job. I was terribly homesick for the first few months but knew I had to do it. It was important to build up my confidence. Three and a half years living and working in Blackpool was what I needed. Making new friends and enjoying my work, slowly brought me out of my shell. 

The BDD was always there at the back of my mind. Another turning point was getting my HGV, and PSV licences. Another leap of faith which paid off. 

Over the years I have learnt to live with it, and accept that this is the face I was born with. From the photographs you would never guess. If ever I dared mention this people always said, you look alright to me. Maybe so, but I didn't look alright to me. 

Now, years later, BDD is still there but in a much lesser form. I push it to the back of my mind and get on with my life. I look back and think, I did my best. I got through it. 

• Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental health condition where you believe there is a defect with part of your body. You may become very focussed or obsessed with this part of your appearance and avoid some places or situations in case it is seen by others. If you have body dysmorphic disorder, you might keep checking the mirror and have repetitive grooming behaviours.

Now I  have a morning chatting with my friends at Crafty Club. 

Thanks for popping in. Toodle pip.    ilona