Take two pieces of toilet roll. Pinch one of them in the centre between thumb and first finger.
Twist second piece and pinch that one also. This scrunches it up.
Then dab ;o)
If you have two or three ply, you can sometimes seperate the layers, this bulks it up and makes it more fluffy. Don't forget, 2 for a pee, 3 for a poo. If this fails, ration it out to family members, and tell guests to bring their own, ha ha. 
Oh I love the toilet humour Ilona. I've already started cutting down and used 4 last time but after seeing this special post I will give 2 a try:) Just had a flash back to when I was a child and we used Izal toilet paper, boy was that hard or what. Just googled Izal and found the following:
ReplyDeleteFor all customers wishing to purchase Izal Toilet Paper in any form (roll or flats) we are sorry to announce that this product is no longer manufactured and we have no more stock. Unfortunately the manufacturer was unable to justify another production run due to the enormous amounts that had to be made.
Medicated strong toilet tissue
"For the best in family hygiene"
Fine, strong toilet tissue for hygienic cleansing which helps to kill bacteria and germs, and aid better family hygiene.
Izal medicated toilet paper is produced from a renewable resource.
Not for the feint hearted, this toilet paper has been manufactured for many, many years. Be in no doubt that this is not in any way soft like modern toilet papers. Izal reminds us of the "tracing paper" style toilet paper you used to find in school. Many people still use this as their toilet paper of choice.
LOVE THE LAST PARAGRAPH♥
Night night Ilona xxx
But it didn't dry you!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the laugh before bedtime! I do not think your mantra of 2 for a pee 3 for a poo is strange at all, something I have followed for many years - although my husband really does think that is quite horrific! Oh well, we do very well on my 'stealth' frugalness - just don't tell the husband!!
ReplyDeleteHi Ilona
ReplyDeleteSaw the tightest person show last night here in Australia. My husband and I had a real chuckle at your story with the toilet paper.
You are a funny lady who appears to be enjoying her life, good on you.
Jan, Kalgoorlie Western Australia
Hello there
ReplyDeleteI can still hear my father saying - you only need three sheets. One to wipe, one to shine and one to polish clean!
I went to school in England after the war and I can still remember the lady (probably the teacher on duty) in the playground who gave you the toilet paper when you needed it. Two sheets was all you were allowed
Take care
Cathy
I wish everyone would follow your example. For two years now, whilst my step son was living with us I was forever talking against a brick wall. The tremendeous amounts he used for going to the toilet was astronomical! No matter how often I used to tell him off, this carried on until he now moved in with his girlfriend. It`s amazing how little we use now. I only buy toilet paper occassionally now, just to replenish my stock pile.
ReplyDeleteOh come now Ilona....you know you can get away with just one piece for a pee!
ReplyDeleteI think we can all finger out how much TP to us Ilona - please..............
ReplyDeleteVery timely. I looked through my shopping receipt yesterday and the 2 most expensive items were kitchen roll and loo roll. I love the idea of asking visitors to bring their own hee hee
ReplyDeleteHi Ilona
ReplyDelete2 or 3 ply's no good for wrapping round a comb and blowing a tune on. Izal everyday
cheers Danny
Oh you are a funny lot, I had a good chuckle when I read these comments. Izal paper, yes I remember it, horrible. I also remember our outside loo, with squares of newspaper hung on a nail with a piece of string, ha ha.
ReplyDeleteKath, my kitchen role lasts about a year or more. I only use it to wrap a spud when I microwave it. I use any old rags for kitchen cloths.
I think that would be pushing it a bit, Sue G.
Glad you enjoyed the show Jan.
I have still got loads of toilet rolls left from my last visit to the wholesaler. My two years supply is going to last me more like five years. I've started using public toilets a lot more when I'm out to use their paper, and empty myself before going home, ha ha.
LMAO now this post and the comments have really made me laugh. I too remember that damn tracing paper toilet roll at school. I agree, it never dried you!! I actually have an aunt that used this stuff all the time at home!!!!
ReplyDelete"2 for a pee, 3 for a poo"...that really cracks me up! ;)
ReplyDeletehe he,
ReplyDeleteI use a wee bit more than that, but my husband drives me mad, he uses so much, he blocks the toilet. He works away from home, so I really notice the difference when he's not there, both in toilet roll purchases and my plumbing - my toilet never blocks when he's away!!
If you really want to save money and don't mind washing, you can use reusable cloths...at least for pee, he he.
ReplyDeleteHi Joyful, what a lovely name. Good idea about the cloths, a quick rinse under the tap and you could throw them in the washer when necessary. I might give it a whirl, if it works out ok I might never get to use the mounds of toilet paper I have in storage ;o)
ReplyDeleteMy god I can go with out lots of things but I must have my loo roll. I need a darn sight more than 2 sheets.
ReplyDeleteyou could go Roman and use a sponge on a stick dipped in salt water
how about growing your own loofahs?
2 for a pee seems quite excessive if you're only using 3 for a poo!
ReplyDeleteNot wishing to pry but are your poos always of the same consistency? I ask because I would never be able to predict how much toilet paper I need until I start to use it because my poos are not always the same. Maybe I should change my diet.
Warning, maybe too much detail for some people.
ReplyDeletePry all you like, Little Blue Mouse, I am happy to back up my claims if something I say is not very clear. The answer to your question is in your last sentence.
Without too much detail, oh dear, what a subject, how to put it......my poo's are of the same consistency every morning at more or less the same time. I know what is coming.
A few years ago I had a bit of a scare in the waste disposal department. Luckily after tests, it was diagnosed not too serious, and the easiest way to treat it was with changes in my diet. Up untill then I shoved anything down my throat, except meat. Crisps, cake, chocolate, biscuits, and puddings, when I wanted it I had it, with no thought to the consequences.
A camera up your back passage is no laughing matter, it was the most awful experience ever, and it basically scared the shit out of me, excuse my French.
I was given a diet sheet from the hospital, and got books out of the library, and now I read up all I can on nutrtition and healthy eating. The two books I have out at the moment are, 'Food Combining', by Kathryn Marsden, and 'The PH Miracle', by Dr Robert Young. I don't read them cover to cover, and I am not fanatical about it, I use the books to refresh my memory and keep me on the right track.
So, in short, the answer to your question is that if you put the right food in consistently, the right consistency will come out. To put it bluntly, I don't have to sit on the loo for ages and wait, and I don't have to dash there in an emergency. I mentioned about my stews going through me like a dose of salts. That was a bit tongue in cheek, admittedly there is a bit of gurgling going on as it goes through, but always the same result at the end.
I am no expert on diet, but I strongly believe that you can kill yourself with the wrong kind of food.
Just a note.....if anyone is eating the right food, and still has problems with waste disposal, you must get it checked out with the doctor, I cannot emphasise this strongly enough.
This is a great post, I have been trying to cut back on my paper usage.
ReplyDeleteI have to say tho, is that pink paper? I <3 pink! Haven't seen that here, but going to check again when I shop. I love reading your blog.
Hmm! I'm not a toilet paper rationer myself but I feel moved (!) to point out one thing. We decided life was too short for econo loo paper and switched to the quilted type. Never had to unblock so many toilets in my life! One luxury too far and we're now back to ordinary 2 ply
ReplyDeleteMy nan always used Izal, we hated having to go to the loo when we visited her! But yep it made great tracing paper!
ReplyDeleteThere are 4 of us at home and if I buy cheap loo roll we can get through one a day!! But better ones last 2 days... that's a lot of money down the drain each week :-/
LOLOL at Lizzie's comment - with just 1 or 2 sheets I would always be putting my finger through! :O))
ReplyDeleteI'm with Lovelygrey on the quilted. Some things in life are essential and reliable loo paper is one of them. As for using cloths and rinsing them out, oh pullease, that is gross! :O)
Thanks Ilona, I think I will definitely have to change my diet if not for the purse strings then for my health.
ReplyDeleteLovelygrey, have you tried Velvet quilted? i don't have any problems with it blocking the toilets and in Which? tests it was the one that broke down quickly (in the water).
Going Roman sounds good! Now that we've got to the bottom of how many sheets we should use to save a penny instead of spending it, let us now consider how many times we should flush in order to minimise the water bill. Hands up who only flushes once a day. Go on, be brave! :-)
ReplyDeleteHi Ilona, I'm glad you like the cloth idea. I intend to try it myself some time but I have so many other things I'm trying to do first, the biggest one is decluttering. I do make my own liquid detergent and intend to try making bar soap and other grooming products so the cloths will be just another addition to that. Let me know how you make out :-)
ReplyDeleteThere you are lovelygrey, Little Blue Mouse has the answer to your blocked loo, Velvet quilted, give it a try.
ReplyDeleteYes, Simply Mocha, it is pink. We have blue, green, lemon, peach and pink colours, to match the bathroom. I love it that you read my blog :)
The cloth idea makes sense actually, having a bidet would be even better. The sewerage works have a hell of a job dealing with all the unmentionables that end up down the toilet. Much better for the environment if it's only human waste that went down. I'm going to make some cloths and give it a whirl, I have an old towel that is destined for cleaning rags.
Anna, I am on a water meter here and I have just paid the bill. £41.03 for the period 18th June to 23rd December, so that's not too bad. I don't flush every single time, that is such a waste, but to leave it too long I have discovered makes your toilet bowl grimey and yucky, and you end up having to use bleach to shift it. The deciding factor for me is how much have I had to drink, and how often will I need to pee.
Last year, I put a lot of my widdle on the compost heap, though some people say it's the male variety that you want, I chucked it on anyway. I read somewhere that widdle is a good fertilizer for lawns. Put it in a watering can and dilute it. It would be better to use rain water though because to use tap water would defeat the object. I haven't tried it myself.
:0)
Ha ha, have you noticed that we have had only one male brave enough to join in with this, good on you Danny :o)
ReplyDeleteWOW Ilona, I can't believe your low water bill! I'm on a meter too and my 6 monthly bill for the same period came to 120.42 which is three times yours. I thought mine wasn't too bad (I live on my own too) but yours is AMAZING. My neighbours, a family of four, paid 560 something for theirs!
ReplyDeleteThanks, OK another post :-
ReplyDeleteIn 1935, Northern Tissue advertised "splinter-free" toilet paper. Yep, you read that right; early paper production techniques sometimes left splinters embedded in the paper. And you thought you had it tough!
In 1942, St. Andrew's Paper Mill in Great Britain introduced two-ply toilet paper. For most of the rest of the twentieth century, both "hard" and "soft" paper was common.
Hard was cheaper, and was shiny on one side. Sometimes it had messages like
"GOVERNMENT PROPERTY",
"IZAL MEDICATED" or "NOW WASH YOUR HANDS PLEASE"
written on each sheet near the perforation. Eventually soft paper won out as the price differential between the two papers vanished.
http://www.carbolicsoap.com/toilet-paper-p-905.html
just thought I'd share - cheers Danny
Hi Ilona,I've a cartoon I'd like to send you, my e-mail is on my about me page, can't see one for you so trying this way
ReplyDeletethanks for your time Danny
I thought of another way !
ReplyDeleteSaw this and thought of You :-
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/_C-1sr3fPaHw/TW2CL-xCofI/AAAAAAAAAl0/dGQN8nySTsE/save%20paper.jpg
I wish you could still buy Izal toilet roll (or a similar analogue)... I always wondered if you could type on it, with a typewriter... Imagine my disappointment: I now have a collection of typewriters, but no Izal! What a terrible shame; Izal was first produced in Victorian England... Too many iconic brand-names have been lost, due to this damn Recession... Can anyone suggest a modern alternative? There must be a similar product made in Lithuania, or something. China, perhaps.
ReplyDeleteIzal was our house toilet tissue until discontinued. We got used to it at school and really miss it. Would buy similar toilet tissue if sold. Doesn't have to be medicated either. Retailers ignoring customers deserve reduced profits. Will try paper merchant tomorrow.
ReplyDelete