I felt a bit off it yesterday, couldn't find any motivation to do anything. I thought I might make a bag, picked the fabric out of my stash, ironed it but the creases wouldn't come out, so I gave up and thought, sod it I can't be bothered. I watched a programme about a very large man who lost a lot of weight after a bypass op, and when it came to the end of it I realised I had just sat through something that I had seen before. My memory is getting worse.
It rained all day yesterday, so that rather put the dampeners on things. Couldn't tidy the garden, was going to visit Sue to take photo's of her new kitties but could find no motivation to step out of the door, so I watched another programme on the computer. This time the Queen story, part one. This was good, Freddie Mercury is my all time favourite music performer, I enjoyed that.
I wondered where all these negative feelings were coming from, it's not like me to mope around feeling sorry for myself. I am usually quite good at giving myself a swift kick up the backside and getting on with things. What caused that blip in my enthusiasm yesterday?
I bet it was the nightmare I had the night before. I woke up in a panic, felt I hadn't had any sleep and been on a journey all night long. Oh my God, it was awful, no wonder I lost the plot. They say you have re occuring dreams, and mine always involves work. That dreaded four letter word 'work'.
I was driving a lorry, trying to find my delivery point, getting lost, got the lorry stuck in a busy street, people crowding around me, they crawled all over the lorry, stealing my load, I tried to phone the police, no one came, I tried to ring my boss and tell him I had been ambushed, I needed help but he didn't answer the phone. I was on my own, so I ran away, then I came back and tried to drive the lorry away but it wouldn't start, then it did start and I couldn't remember which way to go, I wanted to go home but I was lost. I was so worried I would get the sack.
I woke up in a panic, where is the lorry, shall I go and look for it, what day is it, what time do I start work, what load will I have to take out today? I drifted in and out of sleep, after about twenty minutes I managed to calm down, as the realisation started to sink in.
You don't have to go to work any more, that is a life you have left behind. You used to do that to earn money to pay the bills, remember? You don't have to worry about slaving away to earn money any more because you don't need it. You have enough because the government is paying you back some of that income tax you have paid into the system, now it's time to relax and enjoy life.
I need another talking to. I don't need to stress myself out with work any more. I don't need to spend lots of money, so I don't need to earn it. Now for goodness sake, get on with it. It's the start of another beautiful day, don't waste it. The sun is shining, the washing is blowing on the line, the cats are lounging in the garden, and Henry choc lab is coming for a visit and we will go a lovely walk :0)
PS. The above photo was taken by myself. My dolly is almost as old as me.
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