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Tuesday, 30 August 2016

Two days later

Hello. I'm trying to keep myself occupied when inside I want to weep buckets. Anyone who has lost a pet will know all about it, and judging by all your comments, most of you do know what it's like. The poor little chap couldn't go on any longer, his arthritis got worse, the fatty lump in his tummy got bigger, he was going off his food, he became deaf, and was getting very confused. He woke me at 4.30am on Sunday morning in a distressed state, trying to bury himself under my duvet. I knew then he was telling me something. As I had to go out on Monday I felt it was unfair to keep him hanging on until Tuesday. A lady vet and her assistant  came at 12.45 and I held him supporting his head and he fell asleep in a second or two. He knew I was there with him. He now lies in the garden. 
I have skimmed through all your comments, to read them brings on more tears. I will have to go back to them later when it is not so painful. Thank you all very much. One day I will tell more of Rocky's story, but for now I need to try and get on with keeping busy. 
Yesterday me and Janet set up our stall at Epworth Show, to raise money for the rescue cats. It was very busy and our sales went very well, we were please with the amount taken. I sold all the shopping bags, and chatting to the customers was a welcome distraction to take my mind off things. At the end of the day I dropped Janet off and I didn't want to go home, but I knew the cats would be pleased to see me. 
I took a few photo's at the show, I love the shire horses. 

Vintage tractors.

I used to drive a small truck like this Bedford, loaded with doors and window frames on the back.

A good show of vintage cars.

Do you know, I never got to drive a Renault Magnum, it was the tallest cab in Europe when they first came out. .

Two young ladies performed acrobats on the back of their horses while they walked around the show ring. Everyone was eager to meet them and pet the horses. 
This chappie was telling the audience all about his sheep. The sheep were busy eating the whole time.

Boy was it hot in the produce tent, like a sauna, couldn't stand it in there for very long.

I've been pottering around the house this morning, doing all the little jobs that usually get left. Anything to fill the time. This afternoon I went to pay the vet bill, and I went to Great Outdoors to buy some new walking boots. My feet have got used to walking in soft trainers and feel like they have spread out a bit, so I need a boot with a wider fitting. Found some, now I need to wear them around the house a bit, then do some shorter walks of around four hours and build it up to longer walks.

Going out for a walk now, almost the end of the month and I am on target reach 666 miles. How are you all doing with your walking? It is helping to calm my emotions. I did a second walk on Sunday night quite late because I wanted to tire myself out before I went to bed. It worked.

Thank you for popping in. We'll catch up soon.
Lots of love xxx


  1. It does get easier with time, however long it may take. Most of us know how you're feeling having been there ourselves. The loss of a loved pet is absolutely devastating. Thinking of you.

  2. As you said, anyone who has lost a pet will understand. It's the hardest thing to do, to make 'that' decision, and the hardest afterwards to come to terms with it, I don't think we ever do.
    After losing Itty the Kitty, and Lady Leah 1, I couldn't blog anymore. I wrote so much about them all on my blog, it broke my heart to keep going back there.
    Still thinking of you. I know it doesn't help, but you really did a wonderful job with Rocky, and he knew it, he loved you back so much.
    Look after yourself.

  3. More hugs. You cry when you need to, not good to bottle up emotions. Says she who can only cry in private. Being stoic isn't all it's cracked up to be sometimes. I, too, find work as a good outlet for grief or stress. Wonder why that is?

    Good to read you sold all your bags. What a great money maker for your charity.

  4. (((HUGS))) from Memphis. Keeping busy is the way I cope as well.

  5. Glad it was a peaceful passing for Rocky. You can tell how much people love you Ilona by all the nice comments you received.
    So pleased you had a good day at the show yesterday and raised a lot of money well done on selling all your bags. In a couple of weeks time our WI are having a stall at the local hospice fair and all the members were given a plain calico bag to decorate at last months meeting and were ask to bring them back next week finish so we can sell them at the fair, hope we do has well as you did.
    Well done on all your walking this month esoecially as it has been so hot.
    Take it easy Ilona and I know like you your craft work is a great help.
    Love and tender thoughts.
    Hazel c uk

  6. It takes time, but you're keeping busy, which is good for you.

    I absolutely love shire horses and would go out of my way to see them. They are so solid, reliable and majestic. I can't get enough of them.

    Joan (Wales)

  7. glad you have posted again. so right to keep busy but not too busy. take care of yourself and keep up with the walking.

  8. (((HUGS))) We all understand. I'm glad you made the decision when you did, after he let you know it was time. He knew you'd take care of him.

  9. It is good that you had the Epworth Show to keep you busy. The shire horses are really beautiful.

    Rocky will be in your heart forever.

  10. Sending a gentle hug your way. I used to have a dog called Rocky... Glad you sold all your bags.

  11. Yes, keep busy. It helps, Ilona. Been there, held a darling cat as the vet put him to sleep. Cried buckets even when we had to have our dear little hamster put to sleep - I mean, crying over a rodent a few inches long! But they bring us such joy, our pets. They trust us and love us and we love them back. It is understandable you are so upset. Many hugs from me.
    Margaret P

  12. So very sorry to read about Rocky, Ilona. I have posted on the Lane, but wanted to add my condolences on your blog also. Such a difficult decision to make, and the "if only" thoughts are a trial, but he had a wonderful life with you, and you gave him such care. Glad he is in your garden. We have three of our dogs in ours, and one casket of ashes. We bought a rose called "Remember me" for Angie's grave, and "Blessings" for Holly's. We loved them all so very much.

    Take care and love.

  13. I'll never forget you and Rocky at the seaside licking an ice cream in his new coat. You both had some fun over the years.

  14. Keeping busy helps, well done on selling all the shopping bags. Big hug.

  15. Yes all of us with animal companions know what you are going through and me maybe more that others knowing the full story of dear little Rocky. We had Willow at the vets recently 5 visits in total and we thought she was going but she rallied and it appears that she had Pancreatitis, she's okay now but we were both in floods of tears thinking that we might lose her.
    Even Tom had a tear over Rocky.
    I'll say no more but know that we are thinking of you.
    Briony and Tom

  16. I am so very,very sorry to hear that you have had to say goodbye to your beautiful little pal,Rocky.I can imagine the pain and sorrow you are feeling.He was a beautiful little dog and so lucky to have found you.I think the only consolation to the complete and utter despair of losing one so treasured is the knowledge that every tear shed is worth while because it is the cost of sharing life with such a beautiful being.I'm so pleased that he passed peacefully,in the home he loved,and indeed chose for himself,with the person he loved,and was loved by so dearly.His life story would have been so different without you,Ilona.He triumphed over adversity,lived and loved to the full and now rests where he belongs.Please don't doubt that you did the right thing by him,anyone who knows their dog as you did precious Rocky,understands when they know its time to part.Run free Rocky,a true little star who touched so many hearts.Hope you find comfort in all your wonderful memories of your time together,Ilona.With love from Jan.X.

  17. My thoughts are with you Ilona ....I lost my budgie a year ago and still don't feel ready for a new pet. Rocky was such a character been looking back at all your photos of him took him to so many lovely places in the little pushchair. RIP Rocky xx

  18. Bless your heart,hugs! Ah, shoot. :(

    Great photos,, glad you got new boots, I love seeing. your walk photos.

  19. One thing for sure is that Rocky knew you loved him and you knew that he loved you. He in is last years was so blessed to have you as his mom. No one could have done better. Big warm hugs. *sigh* Now. Those are beautiful horses and the flowers are stunning! Glad to hear you guys did so well for the cat rescue.

  20. The human-animal bond is a wonderful thing and you gave Rocky a better life. Glad you've been keeping busy and been out a bit. Best to you.

  21. When my favorite chicken, Fancy, died, I had her in the house trying to save her. I was heartbroken and out of sorts for at least six months. I sort of lost the desire to even go talk to my other chickens. I cried lots.

    Walking will help your emotions and clear your head.

  22. It is very tough, we lost our dog only a couple of years ago, he was only a baby when he passed he followed me everywhere, he had a very short life and it ended tragically, it is hard, only people who have had a pet will understand, have you done a little memorial or something for him? Glad you are keeping busy and had a day out, take care dear Ilona, xxx

  23. I am grieving for my sister..and so sorry to hear about your sadness. Both of us Lost Girls. I am hoping for the clouds to shift... thinking of you all the way from Brisbane.xx

  24. sounds like keeping busy is working for you...the show looks nice and im sure the funds for the cats will be useful


  25. Keep your chin up Ilona, time is a great healer although you will never forget. I remember all my long gone pets with love and know
    they had the best life possible. It is wonderful to read all the comments and know there are so many like minded people when it comes
    to their pets.SueM xx

  26. Thank you for posting such wonderful photos. I think you did really well to get to the show and deal with the public. Please take time to reflect and to grieve as the loss of a beloved pet is as painful if not more than the loss of a human. You've had two losses to deal with and come to terms with so you need to be kind to yourself. Rocky was more than just a companion and friend so his passing will have affected you deeply. Take care. Kristel xx

  27. I have no magic answer for you Ilona, I wish I had. I look at my own dog he's a labrador cross, almost twelve, arthritic and a diabetic for the last 15 months and I know his time with us is limited so I love love love him every day, just as you did with Rocky. I hope his journey when he leaves us will be a peaceful one just like Rocky's, bless him. Still thinking of you, keep strong. Rae x

  28. So sorry to hear of your loss...Rocky was a very lucky little dog to have found you in his last years, you gave him so much fun. It is just awful losing a pet...I am in tears for you! Hope our comments will eventually help you feel a little better, not worse!

  29. Dear Ilona
    We all do understand and know how devastating it is to lose a much loved member of our family. Rocky had a lovely time with you and he is still there in spirit.
    Best wishes

  30. So sorry for your loss, it's devastating when it happens, you never forget them.

  31. So very sorry for your loss, Ilona. Our two boys (Germsn shepherds) died within six months of each other from cancer, over 12 years ago. My husband was devastated. Their ashes are in urns in our loungroom. My husband still buys gifts for our sons and me and writes from our dogs every Christmas. They were a part of our family as Rocky was yours.

  32. So sorry to hear about Rocky, it certainly does hurt losing a friend like him. Here I am in Australia mourning the loss of a dog I never met, but I know that you will feel his loss very much more. I still miss my cat who died 10 years ago, even though I have two dogs now. I don't know how long you had Rocky, but he certainly was lucky to have such a loving home with you.

  33. You have to do the right thing for your animal friends, pity we can't do it for our human friends too sometimes.
    We all know about the loss of our furry friends.
    Hugs, may your sorrow fade but, not the memories. xxx

  34. I'm sorry to hear about Rocky Ilona, our pets are family members and it's so hard when they die. Our last guinea pig died earlier this year, he was 6 and a real character, I knew he was fading fast even after 2 visits to the vet. He kept trying to climb on my knee poor old lad, which he never did, so sad. I was more gutted than my son. Big hugs to you, one day you will remember him with happiness rather than sadness xx

  35. Hi Ilona, I've just caught up with your blog and read the sad news....the tears are falling.
    So sorry that your pal Rocky has passed. He was a dear and brave soul and your best friend.
    Cry as much as you want my dear, it helps.
    He will be sorely missed by all of us who read your blog....we all shared your love for him immensely.
    You can talk to him every day when you are in the garden. I have seven dogs buried in my garden, and I talk to them all the time.
    It was really hard when I had to make "that" decision for two of my babies, but we have to love them enough to let go at the right time.
    Rest assured that he will always be with you in spirit.
    Lots of hugs and tons of love.


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