I had a phone call this morning which almost rendered me speechless. It was one of those sales chat thingys, you know, when some stranger rings up and instantly wants to be your best friend. They say, 'Hi, how are you this fine morning?' All chummy chummy like. This one was called Jason. If they catch me at the wrong time I usually answer with a brief 'No thanks, I don't want one,' or, 'I don't wish to speak to you,' and immediately put the phone down.
This morning however I decided to listen to his spiel, as he was a well spoken, presumably English person, with no hint of a foreign accent. He knew my name of course, they all do, and he spoke in a friendly manner. He asked me about my Dyson vacuum cleaner, how long had I owned it. I replied, 'Oh I don't know, ages.'
The next line from his script revealed all. 'When did you last have it serviced, was it recently?' I nearly choked on my bran flakes. This dozy so and so was trying to sell me a chuffin service for my vacuum cleaner, I ask you, what a plonker. Does anyone get their Dyson serviced in this day of austerity, of cutting back, of watching every penny? I shouldn't think so. I have never in my life had a vacuum cleaner serviced, and I aint going to start now. There are far more important things to spend my money on, the only thing that gets serviced is my car these days.
I couldn't help myself with my reply. 'Serviced, good God, I never get it serviced. I am not one of those people who get it out every day, I hate housework. It gets used maybe two hours every month, that's enough for me. If it works it works, if it stops it stops, that's it.' Then he was stuck for words, and said 'Goodbye, thank you for your time.'
I know there is someone who is going to say I can have these sales calls barred, but to be honest, I don't mind some of them, they are a great source of amusement.
Bye the way, I've just dug out the receipt for my Dyson. It was purchased in March 2002, from Comet. So for ten years it has been working fine without any meddling from me. The book gives instructions on how to wash the pre-motor filter, apparently it should be done every six months, what a faff, I won't bother. If it aint broke leave it alone, that's my motto. Toodle pip.