Tuesday, 10 August 2010

Tis hard to let go

Having a bit of a sort out of my kitchen cupboards, I have one that stores my bags of various sizes, and bits and bobs which I might need in my day to day going out. Lurking at the back was a couple of carrier bags which haven't been touched for the past two years, what did I find but my hard hat and hi viz vest, along with other stuff I used to take to work.


It's made me a bit sad, these are things that dominated my whole world, they made me who I am, strong, resilient, and resourceful. My job gave me confidence, it gave me status, and I was proud to say, 'I am a lorry driver.' I wore my hard hat like a badge, it signified that I was one of the lads, I belonged to a gang, and I was equal to them. It felt good.

Now it is redundant, just like me. Oh, I know I became disenchanted with the job when it changed, elf n safety killed it off, and I started to lose interest, but in the eighties and nineties it was brilliant. Things don't last forever though and we move on.

But what next? Yes, I have a lot going on at the moment, but I still feel there is something else I should be doing. There must be another adventure around the corner. I want that same buzz again, when I climbed up three steps into the huge cab and turned the key. I have to accept that that has all gone now, but there has to be something else to replace it.

I am not ready to throw away my hard hat just yet, I will put it in a prominent place so I see it every day, just as a reminder, while I contemplate where I want to go next. I might just decorate it.

9 comments:

  1. I found your post so interesting, Ilona. Having 'retired' last year after 40 years of hard work I am feeling just like you. Still, who knows what will turn up for us? Lets face it, it is soooo good not to have to get up go to work when it is sunny or really cold. There are compensations!

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  2. You are right to try and focus on the future and what is good about your life at the moment ... I am often prone to reminiscing about times gone by and I forget that actually I am living in a really good time right now. And since we are all living so much longer these days... you could have 30 years of productive living yet!!!

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  3. Ilona I understand your point, but this feeling will quickly pass. I read your blog everyday and you seem to have more adventures then anyone I know!! I love driving too, and did consider HGV at one point but not sure my other half would let me be away for that lenght of time. The grass is always greener on the other side. You've had that life, now you have this one and from what I've read on here it seems to be a good one. But if you really do wanna go back I'm sure this new Government would be happy for you tho what with the deficit and all haha :-)

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  4. Hello, I've been lurking for a little while. I'm the same age as you and find your blog really interesting.
    But could I just ask one thing - that you don't put food out for the neighbours cat. When a cat moves home he has to find his new territory and he is making his territory at your house if you are feeding him. I'm sure the little girls who own the cat would like him to be at his proper home and the only way for that to happen is for the cat to be fed there.
    I realise you are being kind hearted but now you know he isn't a stray and he will be fed at his own home.

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  5. I know how you feel. I have still got some of my dance dresses in my wardrobe. They have been dry cleaned and are packed in plastic. Not doing the dancing anymore is hard to accept for me, too. I can`t just get rid of them, there are too many good memories connected to them. I guess, eventually I shall have to sell them, as I don`t even fit into them anymore.

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  6. yes! decorate it and wear it when you go to jumble sales LOL Head down and charge :D

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  7. Hi anonymous, Thanks for your comment, you are right. It was a one off. I have only seen Micky once today, and he didn't come in because I was around. I think he will be sneaking in when I am not here though.

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  8. I'm sure you will find that "buzz" again Ilona. You have so much energy and vitality for life, you will find your nitch again:)

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  9. I had a fall some years ago and wrecked the medial ligament in my left knee and that put an end to my riding. I used to love cross country and dressage but as both require a lot of constant 'leg on' pressure from the knees I can't do it anymore. My riding hat tho still sits on the shelf with my riding gloves inside, waiting for the day when I can bear to get shot of that love of my life. Sad, isn't it to have to accept that some things are lost and gone forever :O(

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