Sunday, 19 February 2017

Closure.

Hello. Sunday morning and it's sunny, what could be better. The whole day ahead of me, brilliant.

Something I need to get off my chesticles. Oh no, not that chuffin Troll again, yep, but this is something I have to explain. Many people have said I should ignore and delete the comments, and if I publish, it only feeds them. Troll will be jumping up and down with glee knowing they have got the publicity they crave and knowing they have got to me. Well I don't see it that way.

I don't give a toss about the feelings of the Troll, the only person I care about is me. Self preservation is the name of the game. It isn't about a battle between them and me, it's about me feeling good about myself. Bottling something up inside is a form of self destruction, letting it all go is opening the pressure valve and that's what I did. I don't spend a lot of time feeling sorry for myself because why should I? I have a great life and no one can take that away from me. My life is what I have built for myself, and always will be.

Something festering needs to be released. I was getting annoyed by this person who came back time and time again to bully me. I tried the recommended approach, ignore and delete. Yes, that works for a while, and for anyone who has not been bullied in this way, that's easy to say, and not so easy to carry out. Systematic bullying does wear you down even a strong person like me will feel despair at times. Yes, I am resilient, I can bounce back, but there comes a point that whatever you are doing to cope is not working.

I got to that stage, and that's why I had to fight back. As I said, bottling something up, something that is bothering you, putting on a brave face, can lead to all kinds of mental issues. Something has to give. I am a person who needs to be up front, honest, and not afraid to show my true feelings, that's why I am writing as I am now. Secrets fester, putting on a show is false, being something I am not is false. It's the old cliche with me, what you see is what you get.

The Troll is opposite to me. Someone who who is secretly bullying someone under the name Anonymous, has issues, there is something not quite right in their life. I would say to this person, or any bully, get a life. Look inside yourself, do you like yourself, why are you so nasty? Get yourself sorted out, and if you don't there will be Karma, you will one day find yourself in a place you don't want to be.

So, I did what I did for me, I needed to let go of the of the build up which was beginning to take place in my head, and how I do that is by speaking out. I thank you all for your support and advice, I take it all on board, but ultimately it's down to me how best to deal with it. I take full responsibility for my actions.

There have been a couple of  'Sorry, goodbye', comments, which may or may not have been from Anon Troll. To be honest, I don't care if they are sorry or not, it's they who have to live with themselves. My exposing them wasn't about revenge, it was about me being honest, me releasing the pressure, and me doing the best for myself.

The matter rests for now, I have a life to live.

Thanks for popping in. Get yourself outside, keep walking, enjoy where you live. We'll catch up soon.
Toodle pip.

67 comments:

  1. I felt quite emotional reading that and I do hope there is such a 'thing' as Karma. Enjoy your day, you deserve it. SueM

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    1. What goes round, comes round. Bear that in mind, and you cannot but feel sorry for the person who hurts you. Mak

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  2. There it is, that sentence ending with "I have a life to live" Trolls and their ilk do not have lives, they feed off the misery that they try to smother other people with. You have worked hard to get where you are and are reaping the benefit now. You have your crafting and walking and enjoy your life to the full. Carry on regardless and vent the steam as and when you need to.

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  3. Well said. Enjoy your day!

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  4. well said tessa xx

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  5. You really are amazing. Do you know how many friends you have? Stay happy and thank you for bringing me friendship and happiness. kitx

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  6. PS you probably think I am bonkers. I am but I live on my own and your thread is like a friend I chat to whenever I can. So you are a friend. kitx

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  7. Can you not get the ip address from blogger administration to trace this person? Just a thought as the blog site should be able to help you with this. Love the blog all the best xx

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    1. Thanks for your suggestion. That will be the next step if the Troll persists.

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  8. Greetings from far away. I feel that TROOl is jealous of your popularity. You are adventurous, living life on your own terms. I feel that troll is somebody with artificial smile, pretending, patronizing, selfish. I am positive she is got frugal blot.I don't know what to say but you are dealing with sick person and manipulation.
    Anne Toorak

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    1. Thank you Anne. Your English is great. xxx

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  9. Thank you for telling us about this.I'm in tears but realizing I,m not alone helps.I tried to ignore it ,speak to the person she just shouts.l did then have to speak to the police who gave her a warning under caution which did help for a while.l now have CCTV and she my neighbour knows this.But it leaves me feeling exhausted and ashamed somehow.The



    police told me what she was doing was childish and ignore it ,that she just wanted a reaction.she's 50 .I do but if it is too bad she knows she will get a police visit.Its
    ridlIiculous.I just think she's got something missing -a Heart. Sad really.Thanks Ilona ,you have helped me.x

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  10. If the bullies can get away with it they will, delete ignore is only ok for the passer by. If they persist or she comes back which she will if she thinks she can get away with it.

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  11. Hi Ilona, actually by posting what you did made me feel better about my own circumstances too. Speaking up is validating for others who have suffered bullying. You gave me a lot to think about. I think many of us purged our feelings about trolls or real life unpleasant people...it was healthy. Thank you x

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  12. well said,no matter how strong anyone is,comments can still be hurtful.we all put on a front but we all have feelings at the end of the day.i agree with you that talking helps.lucky you with the weather,its drizzling in south wales so a day inside for me!enjoy the sun!

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  13. we all need support sometimes! easy for me to say just to ignore online abuse, because i've never experienced it. it would wear down even the strongest of the strong eventually. you've vented, you've overcome - good on you!! I love your blog!

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  14. Well said. Trolling is bullying. You are right to deal with it however you choose. You have many supporters, admirers and followers. One life too short to bottle things up. Life is beautiful, go live it. All the best to you. 😊 Carole.

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  15. I am sorry that this person has been bothering you but pleased you shared it with your followers so that you know you have loads of support. Being a sensible and wise woman you will decide if you need to take any further action to stop it. Fingers crossed that being near the end of February the winter is nearly over and the lovely Spring days around the corner; cloudy but not cold here in the Midlands. Amanda

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  16. The thing about skanky people is they have no morals.l could not let myself down and behave in that way.Some people feel threatened by others.I am strong and know what's right and wrong.I do a bit of yoga and have an inner core.she may bully ,but I'm stronger.I don't find my strength by bullying others.Let her slither along in her bile and I will skip lightly along smiling with a glow inside seeing sunshine and hearts everywhere x

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  17. Take time out for yourself and your lovely pets. Have a nice time. All the nice people on the net will understand and wish you well. Natalie

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  18. Well said! If you don't look out for yourself, who will?
    J x

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  19. Well said, Ilona. Catriona

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  20. I'm really sorry to hear about the person who is sending horrible messages. I have had a few people bully me, and it just makes you feel sick inside I really enjoy reading your blog -- I'm sending you lots of good wishes. I hope you are back soon --good walking. For me if I can put one foot in front of the other I come back in the house restored, and feel better about life. There are lots of people rooting for you. Jean/Canada

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  21. Well said! I put up with bullying in my workplace for a long time, always thinking it would get better and not wanting to cause a stir.
    After a comment about my daughter (who is visually impaired) I at last confronted this person who immediately backed down. I've always intervened when someone else is being bullied, so I don't know why I thought I mattered less. The realization that Bullies = Cowards has been a game changer for me.

    Where I'm from, being a "lady" means more than a posh accent. It means being kind and putting others at ease. After reading the troll's comments you referenced, I have come to the conclusion that you are a genuine lady and that the troll is most assuredly not.

    As I said before, please keep writing, because I will keep reading!
    Hugs from Barbara (Canada - where it is snowing this morning.)

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  22. As Rumi is quoted as saying: "Be with those who help your being."

    Troll, by her own sad choices, is not one of those people. Enjoy yourself anyway!! :)

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  23. Good to see you are rising above it! Some people just live to try and make others unhappy!

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  24. I so admire this approach to life; you live according to your beliefs. Hence your happiness and independence. I'm not blessed with the clear vision you have, I do a bit more bumbling about. Karen

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  25. Do whatever you think is best, Ilona. Delete or allow through. I'm sure your readers who love your blog will say something if the troll is nasty. I saw that weird "Sorry - goodbye" message on the previous post but wasn't sure if that was the troll. What a strange person! Do you think it could be someone you know? (Ruth, Wales) PS If you block all anonymous posters they might just make up a name and post messages that way.

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  26. I love reading your blog. You are in control Ilona. I think I would probably delete and wait for them to give up and move on but I understand what you are saying. Bullying makes us uncomfortable. You have integrity which is the greatest gift ever. Blog on with pride.x

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    1. Hi Janipi. The problem is that this troll has been sending nasty messages to Ilona for five years. That's an awfully long time for someone to keep deleting and trying to ignore spiteful comments.

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    2. Exactly. Just how long am I supposed to wait. I have brought this subject up before in the past. The troll said goodbye, and the comments stopped for a while, but they came back. I don't expect this to be the end of it.

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  27. Ilona, I am one who said delete and ignore, but it's easy for me to say as I have never been on the end of someone's bullying. My daughter has though, at school, by her so called friends. It got so bad that it affected her deeply and she ended up on anti-depressant tablets. This was all the way through secondary school and apart from suffering 'low' days she has come out on top with a strong personality and she certainly doesn't suffer fools nor does she stand by when she knows that the same thing is happening to someone else. She took herself off the pills when she was in her late teens early twenties, but as her 'low' days still come (not as often) she's on a lower, milder dose. I admire my daughter for the way she is now and for overcoming all that she went through. I won't go into many more details, but it was a truly terrible time. So I shall just say, do whatever you think is right for you, you're the best judge of that. Take care and don't let the b---- get you down.

    In spite of all that, my daughter passed her GCSEs with high marks only failing in RI and was offered a place at Royal Holloway University.

    Joan (Wales)

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    1. Thank you for your story, Joan. I'm glad my posts have brought bullying out into the open. No young person should have to take tablets because of the evils of others. That's shocking.

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  28. Sorry to comment again but I am so shocked to hear about how so many of us has been affected by this hidden bullying .I found a book in ''the works '' a few years ago purple cover -I like purple.By Marcus Aurelius quote .''Dwell on the Beauty of Life .Watch the stars and see yourself running with them'' x

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    1. My daughter lives by the Oscar Wilde quote "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."

      Joan (Wales)

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    2. That is a great quote :)

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  29. Dear Ilona, please keep blogging, dont let the bi&@h grind you down. Teresa

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    1. do you think the troll is a lady well woman ? i assume that as well but suppose it could be a bloke

      tessa

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  30. So pleased that you got it off your chesticles, you must feel so much lighter now, onward and upward!

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  31. I agree with you Ilona. There comes a time when you can't just keep deleting and ignoring such vile comments. At least we all now know what you have to put up with (I imagine the few comments you published are just the tip of the iceberg) Whenever I come across a bully, I always think 'Thank God I am not married to him/her'. Sending you a hug x

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    1. Correct, it is the tip of an iceberg, there has been many more, and a lot worse.

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    2. Ilona, do you think that this might be a good time to involve the Police in this? After five years, this vile person is unlikely to just give up. If they do, it will be to bully someone else anyway. This sort of behaviour is classed as a crime. The Police will have no problem finding out who this person is and a visit from them might just deter them. x

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    3. Thanks, that will be the next step. Everything from now on will be saved as evidence.

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    4. I am pleased that you are now going to do this. Love your blog. Sending you a hug xx

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  32. Hi Ilona it is no ones business but yours and you must do what is best for you.
    It is so easy for people on the outside to say what you should do even if they mean well.
    You shout it from the tree tops if that's what's best for you. Hugs Su

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  33. Please keep on keeping on! I've occasionally been annoyed by something you have said in passing, but I love reading your blog and I think anyone with any opinion at all will disagree with some people sometimes. Don't let trolling stop you - I'm sure you have a lot more on-line friends than he/she has - which could be their problem!

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  34. Totally with you on this Ilona. Keeping silent protects the bully and leaves the victim open to more and more abuse. These people need to be flushed out and named for what they are. More importantly, victims must speak up and be heard to preserve themselves.

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  35. Well said. And I took your advice and got out for a walk today. Last Sunday we had a snowstorm that went on all day - today it's 11C, sunny, and I think half the city is out for a walk! A friend and I went down to the Humber Bay park near to where we both live and had a walk along the water - it was just gorgeous! Ilona, you would have loved seeing all the doggies out there enjoying the sunshine and being able to get out and run about.

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  36. Years ago when I first started blogging, there was a blog I followed and she had the same problem, I wonder if it is the same person? anyway, this lady was pregnant at the time, the nasty vile, vicious comments continued, the police were involved but sadly too late, she lost the baby due to the stress, so thanks to the vicious nasty bullying coward , there was a child who did not have a chance to have a life, the police followed it up and the lady eventually stopped blogging, she involved the police, but you do what is best for you, Jo x

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  37. If what the bully has said was to cause you distress which they clearly did-it is against the Law.There is The Protection From Harassment Act 1997.The Police can uphold it.x

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  38. I was raised to believe if you can't put your name to it, it's probably a "lie." And a person's lies ALWAYS catch up with them. Speaking up about this, probably won't help your bully, but is a good reminder to the rest of us to treat people how we want to be treated. Thanks!

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  39. Well said Ilona. As we say here, 'You do You!' which basically translates to what you wrote in your post today. The Troll has a mountain of issues and there's nothing anyone can do about that. I hope you enjoyed your day. I went walking in the foothills and the weather was gorgeous, really enjoyed it.

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  40. Lost for words over this ongoing issue, 5 years is such a long time:( I feel very sad that someone has been writing these horrible comments to you Ilona for so long. I truly hope this person will finally leave you alone, that is my wish for you♥ Linda xx

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  41. I was one who said ignore, we all have different views and that's what talking is all about. You brought this to the forefront and I Just wanted to say, out of all of this conversation about trolls and bullying and nasty words, it's really brought a lot of people together hasn't it? That's a great thing. We are all talking, sharing experiences and sharing some life mottos which I think is really nice to see. Good conquers all in the end. Much love. X

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  42. Hullo! Very brave to tackle this moron troll....proud of you

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  43. Outside isn't an option for me today. Windy, rainy and cold! Yesterday was different and husband and I went on a walk after our family left from birthday gathering. Trolls? No fun. Just delete and move on! God bless!

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  44. So sorry you've had this horrible experience Ilona. Wishing you all the best, do hope this troll moves on soon. x

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  45. I love to start my day with your blog, even though I live in quite different circumstances, your writing has helped me a lot in many ways. You have many friends out there, and I am sure the troll has none. I really hope you get rid of him soon.

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  46. Hi,Jan here.I love your approach,open and honest,brilliant way to live and relate to other people.Too much game playing and downright nastiness goes on.It's sad there are some awful people out there.No matter how damaged someone might be,there is no excuse for this ongoig harassment.Right and wrong exist and this is so clearly the latter.X.

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  47. I just wanted to add my two penn'th of support, Ilona. I'm glad you felt able to vent and I hope you know that all your interweb friends are rooting for you!

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  48. Bully's are all the same. The next time you get a post from one, imagine the face of the recently elected Reptile in the U.S. - should be good for a chuckle. R/Tim

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  49. Ilona, you say the troll may one day find themselves in a place they don't want to be. I suspect they are already there, and that is why they act as they do. Misery. Loneliness. Self-hate. All of those could be causing the person to hit out. If there are any other Christians or people of any religion on here, maybe we could all pray for this person to find fulfilment, purpose, love, peace. I hate that they have tried to upset you, but I feel so sorry for them. Angela x

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  50. I have tried praying for peace for the bully in my life.I had 2 lovely ladies pray for me and lay their hands on me.l also visualized her being happy with her life .No change sadly.The only thing she is worried about is not getting caught.That's why l have CCTV.She hates that Bullies I don't think ever change ,they just get sneakier ,lie,smile but not with their eyes .They are hollow inside.Eventually they just need to be left in their sewerand chuck a bucket of ice cold water over them.Soz x

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  51. I never comment usually but I want to say: do whatever helps you cope!! Bullies are bullies because they try so hard that people don't know how to fight back. Fight back with kindness, ignore them, medidate, have a glass of wine, whatever works. Bullies mean nothing if you don't let them and I am glad you don't let them be more than bullies. I love reading your blog. I don't care what bullies may think, your blog has brilliant tips, you have a positive attitude and sometimes reading it in the morning is what gets me through the day.

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  52. Ilona, whenever you say chesticles I laugh. I think that should be their official name. I'm impressed you can ignore your bully so completely. It is all about you. Good.Have a good year.
    Becky too. Trinidad.Caribbean.

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  53. Very, very well written!!! Good for you Ilona

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