Tuesday 28 July 2020

A new day dawns

It's not very often that I can't sleep, but it happens. Mostly I drift off as soon as my head hits the pillow. Mostly I sleep the whole night through. Sometimes I wake up in the early hours needing to go to the bathroom, especially if I have had a late drink, as happened last night. I keep a wind up torch next to my pillow, I don't put on the light because that fully wakes me up, and more often than not I do what I have to do in a state of half asleep. 

Back in my bed, eyes closed, I just could not drop off to sleep. Stuff going round in my head. I lay there, checked the time on my wristwatch with the wind up torch, it's 2.30am. By this time I was fully awake and trying different lying positions in the hope I would fall asleep. Nope, it didn't happen. I looked out of the window, all is quiet, I thought I would make a hot chocolate, that would do the trick. I put my fleecy dressing gown on, and looked out of the window again. By this time I had turned the light on. I didn't really fancy a hot chocolate, what about a mug of fruit tea. Yes, that would be better. I looked out of the window again. It looked very quiet out there. Dry with a slight breeze. 
Blow the drink, I'm going for a walk. And so I did. Quickly got dressed, picked up the phone just in case, picked up a small torch, just in case, and I was out the door quick as a flash. 
I did my three mile walk and it was great. Didn't see a soul, one car passed me. I half expected a police car to appear and ask me what I was doing, but it didn't. Most of the houses were in darkness, some of them had lights on, maybe they were up, maybe for security. 
I like the idea of being out and about when everyone is asleep. I used to like working nights, driving through sleeping towns, quiet motorways, alone in the company of other truck drivers doing their jobs. 
An hour later I was back, and I made a mug of tea, and turned the computer on. Now I feel ready for bed, at 5am. The darkness was lifting, it was starting to get light. I slept till 7am and got up.
I really must get rid of the shit going around in my head. It's not like me to feel bogged down. So now I've had a coffee and a piece of toast, I'm back to fighting mode. They will not beat me. No, not the demons, I don't have any. Those who are trying to control my every waking moment. 
Every day is a new day, every day is a new start. Now I'm going to have breakfast. 
Thanks for popping in. Toodle pip.  ilona

27 comments:

  1. Sorry you could not sleep Ilona i bet it was lovely walking like that last night I wish I had the courage to walk out in the middle of night like that. I usually make a drink and sit in the garden if it is warm enough. Hope you don't get to many nights like that.
    Hazel c uk 🌈🌈🌈

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    1. It was exhilarating actually. I felt the same as I do out in the open countryside looking across fields.

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  2. I recently saw King George's 1939 Christmas speech for the first time (I'm in the US)---was inspired by him saying everyone is praying for peace, but if it doesn't come, "We shall remain undaunted."
    That sounds like you, Ilona, as I see you here on your blog, anyway.
    Onward!

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    1. Interesting. I don't pray for anything because I am a non believer. The only way I can achieve peace in my own head is through my own endeavours. It will not come from outside influences.

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    2. Oh, I didn't mean the praying sounds like you, I meant remaining undaunted!

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  3. Walking does seem to clear the mind and give you time out from the day. I love walking in deserted places. Hope you sleep well tonight.

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    1. I think I will be ok tonight. I have been doing some research into what is bothering me, and it is becoming clear.

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  4. You are far braver than me. I couldn't imagine walking the empty streets at that time of day on my own. Hope whatever is filling your mind with sh*t clears off and lets you sleep.

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  5. Can't stand being controlled; micro managed; told what I can and can't do. We're being caged and censored and I don't like it at all.

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    1. Totally agree with you Anna. There are dark forces at work, and people are sleepwalking into a different world.

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    2. I hate it too, I feel threatened by it, it is claustrophobic and terrifying.

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    3. I also the world is being moulded into something else a prefered world ideal.

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  6. I really must get back into doing a walk every day because I know that it does clear the mind.But for some reason it has gone by the way side just lately.So I am going to get my walking boots back out again and do a 5/6 mile walk tomorrow,It will only take a couple of hours and I know it will help my brain space!.It was lovely this afternoon,because I had a phone call from Flis,who always used to comment here but is unable to now.She is still reading daily though.She always cheers me up!xx

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    1. Hello to Flis. Sorry you have been locked out. I had to do it, no trolls any more.

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  7. I am nearly always awake I only need 5hours sleep now. I get up early to go to work, I'm 67 but still like working my 15 hours a week for the NHS. But I wouldn't go out in the night as we have a lot of drug addicts near our home. I use Olbas Oil on a hanky to help me and lavender pillow spray. I also love my teddy bear in bed with me too as it makes me feel safe! Look after yourself Ilona xx

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    1. No drug addicts here, no drunks, no fights, no arguments, everybody is respectful. I think I might get a teddy.

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  8. I hate to put more demons into your head but... aren't you scared to death to walk around in the middle of the night, in the dark? Lord have mercy, I stay behind locked doors when it gets dark outside. You live in a place with no crime? Where is that... I want to live there too. :-) Love, Andrea xoxo

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    1. My village is safe. There is the odd break in now and again but that's about it. It's not dark there are street lights. Houses sell here super quick because people want to live here. Everybody looks out for each other, it's a good community to live in.

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  9. I love the night time, I used to do night journeys with my parents and I loved the quiet roads and sleeping towns. I'd love to walk in the night but would be too worried about my safety, it is very dark here and we have a big drugs problem in the town, a lot of threatening characters about etc.

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    1. Maybe best not to venture out in those circumstances.

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  10. I am 79 and wake up most nights at2:30am. I usually get up have a cup of coffe, turn on my pc and read all of my favorite stuff or watch a travel video on utube. There is a lot to think about as you get older and some of it is not pretty and it will keep you awake if you let it. I would be lost without my pc -- I am worse than the kids with their iphones. After a while, around 4am I am ready to go back to sleep. I think you should do whatever you need to do to keep going.

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    1. Thank you Mona. When I see what is going on, and it doesn't seem right to me, I fear for the future.

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  11. Made the big mistake of tuning into the BBC news yesterday. Don't ask me why!! I think their mission is to get us all depressed so the big pharmaceutical companies can get even bigger. 😄 Let's try to stay chirpy xx

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    1. You are right, there is an agenda. Try this Australian news channel. Can't put a link in here, copy and paste.
      https://youtu.be/bXsmRmN83VY

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  12. That Stinking Thinking. We all do it. Mindfulness doesn’t always seem to stop it. Think it’s the crazy times we’re all living through.

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