Let me introduce you to this lady of great wisdom. She is a little bit shy so I have to pick my words very carefully. She has no desire to become famous or wealthy, she has a very simple lifestyle, but I have managed to get her to reveal her name, and a few other bits of information. So without further ado, I present Nellie Knowitall. She is founder of a brand new company, called Stating the Bleedin Obvious, set up to expel some of the myths about money saving and frugality. Nellie was brought up on a family farm in the Back of Beyond, she didn't have any clothes until she reached the age of 25, then she learnt how to sew, and started making bra's and pants from the hessian sacks which the animal feed was delivered in.
Anyway, that's enough from me, I will stop waffling and pass you over to our Guest Writer, Nellie Knowitall.
Hello, and thank you for that load of old cobblers introduction, Ilona. You have grossly exagerated the facts as usual, it wasn't hessian sacks, but the plastic carrier bags that the food shopping from Tesco Home Delivery came in. Right, here are my money saving tips, specially compiled for you lovely people.
1. Keep your money in your purse, do not open your purse, do not take your purse out anywhere.
2. If you have to buy some food, make sure you go to the cheapest shop. Go to lots of shops, but always buy the cheapest food. You might not like it very much, but the low cost will make up for the disappointment of eating something you do not like.
3. If your house is cold, don't be a whimp and turn the heating on, go to the wardrobe and pull out lots of sweaters and jog bottoms. Up your layers, it doesn't matter what you look like in your own home.
4. If you are still cold, go to the library and sit in the warm for an hour or two. Take a flask and read a few books. Or, use your bus pass and ride around on the bus all day, take some sandwiches.
5. If you have got some spare blood that you don't want, become a blood donor. trade your blood in for a cup of tea and some biscuits. This also gets you out of the cold for a while.
6. Wait until your clothes are absolutely filthy before you put them in the washing machine. Don't worry about the odd soup stain down your front, or the sweat marks under your arms, only wash them when you can no longer stand the smell.
7. If you really must have a bath, save the water to use for other jobs, like washing the car, or the dog, or the kitchen floor, or flushing the toilet. And don't forget, just before you get out of the bath, have a pee in it, that will save two squares of toilet paper.
8. When it's time to go to bed, and your house is cold, don't bother to take off your clothes and freeze your tits off, just get under the covers like you are, and if necessary put a wooly hat and gloves on. Don't forget to take your boots off though, makes a hell of a mess of the duvet covers.
9. If you've got to get someone a gift, for a birthday or Christmas, don't go to the shop and buy something. There is plenty of free stuff lying around which you can give them. Do a bit of scrumping and give them a bag of apples. You can find some nice stuff in skips, or dumpsters if in the USA, people throw stuff out that would make nice gifts. Use your imagination, a bunch of wild flowers is a nice gift.
10. Think about what skills you have, can they be swapped with someone who has different skills. For instance, could someone cut your hair if you bake them a cake. Or, could you do some ironing for someone who would do some weeding for you in the garden. If you are a single man you could offer to cut the hedges for a single lady, and she could iron your shirts. You never know you might find lurv with another singleton when you swap skills.
Well that's all I have time for now, I'll leave you with this little bit of advice. Don't buy Innocents noodle pots at full price, wait until they have been reduced.
Good grief, £3 chuffin 90 for a pot noodle. 39p, that's more like my price.Stating the Bleedin Obvious, for some more. I hope Ilona asks me back again, because I could do with advertising more links to my site, so I get more followers, and they start buying stuff from me, and I can get some paid writing jobs, and I make some more money. (I lied about the being shy bit, and not wanting to be famous or wealthy)
Thank you Nellie, I really enjoyed reading your guest post. Now buzz off and stop bothering me.