The sting in the tale

 My parents split up when I was about 16 - 17. I was the eldest of three, and working at Woolys. It should have happened before that. The marriage wasn't working and we were quite aware of the ongoing conflicts between the two of them. Mum only stayed there until we were old enough to understand what was happening. It was a relief when we moved out and didn't have to listen to the bickering, or indeed the long silences. 

All communications between the two of them ceased. He had to pay towards his children's upkeep until we had all left school. Mum worked part time at the Marmite factory. 

Dad found a job 100 miles away, and found lodgings with a widow who rented him a room. We lost touch completely. One day out of the blue I had a message from an uncle, dad's brother, saying that dad would be coming back for a visit, and would be staying in a hotel in the town centre. 

By this time, my late teens, I had had plenty of time to think about the break up and why things didn't work out. And now I am a lot older, I am fully aware of what brought the marriage to an end. We mostly heard about mum's side of the story, because dad was mostly at work, or out with his mates. 

I realised that dad's visit would be a good opportunity to maybe build some bridges, and have a good old catch up chat. Me and my sister surprised him with a visit at the hotel he was staying at. 

When you hear the other side to a story it puts things into perspective. Neither mum or dad were perfect. They were caught up in the moment when they got together. At the end of the war, dad in his soldiers uniform came home, bringing mum with him. 

A year or so after the hotel get together, we went with our then boyfriends up to the Wirral in the north west, to visit dad at his lodgings. He took us to his local pub where he hung out with his mates. I will never forget the smile on his face as he proudly introduced his daughters to the landlord. We got to know a bit more about him as he interacted with his friends. 

That was the last we saw of him. A year or so later we had a letter from the company he worked for saying he has passed away suddenly. We didn't go to the funeral. The letter also said that it was the tradition to have a collection at the steelworks where he worked, and the money would go to the youngest daughter. We went on the train to collect this. They sent a car to meet us at the station, and gave us a lunch when they presented the cash. 

Anyway, the last part of this story is by the by. I bring this up because there is always two parts to a story. A marriage that didn't work. There is no point in prolonging the misery when the best option is to part company and start afresh. Working hard to keep a marriage going may be the best option for those who are determined to ride the rough waves of conflict, in the hope that it will eventually smooth itself out. But we are only on this planet for a short time, and everyone has to make the decision on what is best for them. 

Forcing people to live together, whether it be a couple, a community, a whole country, or several countries, when they have nothing in common, is folly. Eruptions will break out. Resentment will rear it's ugly head. The stronger will lead to eradicating the weak. Those who have the most money will call the shots, and those who have the least will be trampled into the ground and obliterated. 

The internet, the main stream media, and any other media, are all money laundering exercises. The redistribution of wealth will see people who hate each other being forced to live with each other. That can only lead to resentment, fuelling riots, and a free for all. People can only be pushed so far. I will watch on the sidelines, as the whole fabric of society falls apart. 

There seems to be very little that the individual can do about it. But there is. Recognise that we are not masters of our own lives, someone will always be steering us in the direction they want us to go in. If you don't have a plan for the rest of your life, someone else does. 

These are my thoughts, now get on with your own life and make it the best you can.

Lots of love.   ilona