Monday, 12 February 2018

Unlucky in love, but luckily single now

Hello. It's coming up to that time of the year again, when romance is in the air. Shops full of chocolates and  flowers, and big slushy cards declaring undying love. 
People getting engaged, people getting married, people with broken hearts because they found out love isn't all it's cracked up top be. People arguing, and getting divorced. Splitting it all up, going their own way, saying goodbye. Oh the turmoil of it all.

I've never been married, but I've gone through all the emotional stuff, falling head over heels for someone. Crying in my pillow because he didn't ask me out, how can I get his attention, surely he must notice how crazy I am about him. Nope, he didn't and I am left broken hearted. Never mind, I'll get over it, there will be another one come along shortly, and the whole performance will be acted out again.

Nowadays people seem to change their partners as often as they change their clothes. I was a terrible flirt when I was young, so desperate to bag a good looking guy. The competition was huge, lots of far better looking girls than me on the prowl, I didn't stand much chance. But I tried, I really did. I tarted myself up, put the slap on, skirt up to my bum, high heels, eyeing up all the talent.

I remember going to the 76 Club, before I was legally old enough to. I went with mates from work. One pretty girl was after the best looking lad, but I got lucky, he picked me, whoopeee. I felt like a film star, he chose me, I snogged his face off all night. It didn't last long though, he moved on to someone else and my heart was broken.

When I moved to Blackpool, I met a very sophisticated guy who was older than me and he had a car. He was not impressed when he found out I didn't have long hair, I wore a hairpiece and it fell off when I was a bit tiddly. I never saw him again. Another broken heart.

I tried my hardest to make myself look glamorous, spent hours getting ready to go out. The amount of times I got stood up, when the guy didn't show, and once again I went home in tears. I was Cinderella more times than I can remember. It was very painful when I had made so much effort, and no one noticed.

I had a boyfriend who was a lot younger than me, he chucked me because he didn't want his mates to see him with an older woman. I was so sad, because I really liked him. I had a boyfriend who was going to live with me, but he didn't, he let me down. I had a few trucker boyfriends, but it was hopeless trying to have relationships when I was out on the road all the time, and they were too, at the other end of the country. We used to see each other going in the opposite direction on the motorway, just a quick hello on the CB radio and that was it. Where will you be tonight, 'Rownham Services', oh,  'I'll be at Tebay'. See ya then, 10 10.

Mind you, sometimes it worked the other way round, someone would be completely smitten with me, but I didn't feel the same way about them. I even had a proposal but I felt I was too young to contemplate settling down with someone who was quite a bit older than me. He thought the world of me, but I could only see a life of domesticity, and I was enjoying my freedom.

A few years later I had a second proposal, from someone even older. Such a nice man, he was quite well off, I wouldn't have to work, could just ride around in his Range Rover all day. But I didn't feel the same way about him, and I was still enjoying my trucking and didn't want to give it up.

When I think of all the ups and downs of my love life over the past fifty years, I think I've done rather well to avoid getting married. I couldn't cope with all the emotional upheave of that, and later probably getting divorced. I am just not the marrying kind, I see it as jumping into a raging torrent and getting swept away in the wrong direction. There are marital problems everywhere you look, love isn't all sweetness and bliss, it can be painful. And I for one am happy with my pain free life. Those who are blissfully happy with their lifetime partner are lucky that it has worked for them. I am pleased for you, I like to see happy people. I like a good love story, but I am happy to stay on the outside looking in, I don't wish to join in.

So, don't ever try getting me fixed up with a fella, I just can't be bothered. I love my life exactly as it is, I've been there, done that with all the love stuff, don't need to repeat it. Happy Valentines Day, bah humbug, ha ha.

Thanks for popping in, we'll catch up soon.
Toodle pip.

52 comments:

  1. I'm totally in love with my chap, but we don't do Valentine's Day. It's Valentine's day every day in FrannyandDannyville!

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  2. Hi Ilona, we have been married 46 years and I can remember once he got me a valentines card. His mam made him take it back as it was the sort of card a woman would get for a man, heehee. I got flowers once. Would I change him - not at all. He was up baking fresh bread at 5.00am this morning, he's not romantic at all but gives me all I need and mostly what I want. I have been greatly blessed. Too many people rush into marriage and don't work at helping each other. Hope you get away on another break soon. I love reading your tales of adventure

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  3. Thank you, dear Ilona, for your wise words. My hubby and I, are together over 30 years. I'm 45, he is 53. He is my first (and last) sweetie. Yes, i was teenage girl when we are started seeing eich other. :) Now we have son, 16, he is center of our universe :)
    What I want to say: true love exist, i believe in global love, not only between partners, or family. I mean on universal love. It makes life worthwile.
    I want to say hello to everyone, happy Valentines day. Be love, spread love.
    Best wishes, Goca

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  4. You seem to have done ok on the men front but maybe I think you probably tried too hard - I was shy and threw myself at anything that moved and got hurt - not many people have perfect experiences but look how you’ve turned out - what a wonderful confident person with such an interesting life.

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    1. Yes, I've done ok, haven't missed out on anything.

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  5. Such a great post Ilona, I could relate to a lot of it! I've never married either, I just never met the right person. Myself I have never been the sort of woman who attracts men, when I was young I was very shy and plain and had no confidence when it came to chatting up blokes. The years when I was most likely to have met someone came and went. During the menopause I think I went a bit mad - I fell madly in love with a celebrity and got involved in going to see his shows with a group of women I met online who were also mad on him. We used to hang around in the bar afterwards to get pics with him and so on. I made a right fool of myself in front of him one evening and after that I felt I had to sort myself out. I found new interests and looking back on it now I think how stupid I was and I blame my hormones!! Now I'm in much calmer waters and much happier. I'm no longer looking for someone in my life, I just get on with my interests - I have a lot of freedom and time to do the things I love in comparison with some of my married friends. It sounds horribly selfish but tbh I don't want to spend my remaining years being someone's carer - I looked after my Dad and was glad to do so, but I don't want to live like that again. Marriage is fab if you find the right person, obviously - I always think the happily married are the lucky ones, but I suppose we have to make our own luck in life at the end of the day. On a side note, I am a bit familiar with northern motorway service stations - I used to go camping with my parents and we used to park up the caravan for the night en route for Scotland. I used to look at all the trucks lined up with the curtains closed and wonder what it would be like to be a truck driver!!! Maybe you could do a post about what it was like being on the road, I like hearing about your trucking (or maybe you have already done one and I've missed it).

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    1. I went a bit odd the year I turned 50 Kate.I took myself to the pub!I met a widower in his 60s who said he was at the crossroads of his life.He had a ladyfriend I found out.I met her & we chatted & he was sending her loving texts each day & myself.What a mess ! x

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  6. I've not been lucky in love.I went to an all girl school & so boys were like another species to me.I was very immature & chose totally unsuitable boyfriends.I had a very strict father which I'm not sure helped.None of the relationships were particularly happy experiences.I now prefer being in love with my dogs x

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    1. Flis.... I must be your long lost twin. Girls school, horrible boy friends but gorgeous dog in my life now.

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  7. This post made me chuckle! What a fickle bloke to not accept your hair-piece!
    I'm still married to my childhood sweetheart - 29yrs this year - not a bed of roses all the time but we survived! Happy Valentine's Day to all - pets included too.❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

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  8. Would it not be interesting to see these guys now, after all these years? I think that it would be.

    I am happily married, but I am not a romantic, at all. The reeeeeeeaaaaaaaaly good thing about Valentine's Day is, though, that all the really fancy chocolates will be on sale as soon as the day is over.

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  9. Oh, and p.s., although I have just recently found your blog and don't know much about you, I really, really like you. So, Happy Valentine's Day!

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  10. My sister solved the trucker and marriage problem by marrying a truck driver, getting her license and being a team driver with him. They traveled all over the USA. I think you are in a great place right now so it is all working out for the best for you.

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  11. Just wanted to add that I've put "trucking" in the search box and found all the posts about it Ilona, really enjoying them!

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  12. Have a happy day with your animal friends and enjoy whatever you get up to!

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  13. I, too, have never married. Almost did once, but he didn't want me to finish college...bye-bye! A year or so later, fell passionately and madly in love with a wonderful man, who returned my love in every way, but he was tragically killed in a car crash. That did it for me...no more. In my younger years, I always thought I was shy and unattractive to men, but I discovered that I was really just introverted and enjoyed my own company best. I have no problems communicating and interacting with folks, but like it best to do my own thing. There are probably many people like me, who can lead happy, healthy and wonderful lives, leading our lives on the fringes.

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  14. I think you have such a happy and interesting life, and you can do as you please, don´t depend on anybody. I have been happily married for 42 years, we have two sons and two grandsons, but sometimes I think about how it would be if I were single . . .
    Happy Valentine´s day to everybody
    Hilde in Germany

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  15. Thank you Ilona, I really enjoyed reading about the loves of your life. I was married when I was 20, it lasted 7 years. I am now in a relationship and have been for 10 years but I will not marry.... I still remember the financial damage the divorce cost me. Plus I love my dog more !

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  16. I don't think you were unlucky in love. I think you made choices.

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  17. I always say 'happily unmarried' and so pleased I do not live with some miserable, farting, fat old bloke. What amazes me is that some women get married again, and again, madness. Single is the place to be, don't answer to anyone and best of all, no sex, what an utterly revolting pastime that is.

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    1. Ha ha, that made me laugh. I look at some men and think, could I? 99% of the time it's no thank you, not in a million years :o)

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  18. My husband isn't the flowers and romance type but he is always there for me and I contrast him, unlike my first husband who was the romantic type but liked to romance other women as well. We won't be going out for Valentines, he won't be buy me roses or gifts, in fact we won't do anything special at all, we don't need to. When I was young girls were by and large expected to marry and have children, today they have so many more opportunities. We are all so different, what is right for one is wrong for another. Enjoy the moment, it's all we have, the past is gone the future is just a promise, live for today.

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    1. Very good advice that I am trying to follow xx

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  19. I was happily single until I met my husband when I was 35. When I was 36,5 we married and had a baby :) (the baby came the day after the wedding :D - I like to plan things close). He was the only one I ever thought of 'I'd like to have a child with you'. He is from a different continent and a very different culture, and that has made it easier for me. I can expect nothing of him, everything has to be talked about, and I feel free to do so. This is where it went wrong in earlier relationships: unexpressed expectations. My husband is a great family man, does most of the housework and cooking, is very social, and has introduced me to a very interesting culture and very kind people. I do most of the admin, anything school related, bring up 'topics for discussion', introduced him to my culture/friends, and persuaded him to start a career in IT at which he is doing extremely well. We complement each other nicely.

    Siebrie

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  20. My entire life Valentine's Day has been and will be my Birthday!
    I try to make every single day of my life a happy one for myself and my dear ones.

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  21. I'm the only one of my group of long standing girlfriends (all now in our late 50s/early 60s). We were out for a meal the other lunchtime and the topic of marriage came up and there was a quick round the table of who, if they had the chance to go back in time, would still get married. None of them. Some of them have nice hubbies too, but all said how lovely it would be to have my life, without a man. Sometimes (I admit, mainly financial worries because a second income would be lovely, or because I just need something doing in the house, or I'm ill and think it would be lovely to have someone bring me a drink!)I do regret my choices, but most of the time I don't. I'm at that age now where I do get a lot of 'interest' from elderly widowers, I'm sure they look at me and think 'she's not bad looking, she knows how to cook, she can drive, she seems very caring' - I think they're lining me up as potential carer not wife! I've actually stopped going to a couple of activities because one of the men there because a pest and trust me, I wasn't backward in making it known that I wasn't interested. Happy to be a singleton. And as my mom used to say, you might not have much money, but at least it's all yours!

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    1. I have just had flu.... the hubby never cooked a single meal for me. And as for something 'doing something around the house'.... My other half doesn't have a DIY bone in his body.... stay single. :-)

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  22. Some great responses here, than you for your stories.

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  23. I was married for 26 years - the biggest mistake of my life. I asked repeatedly for a divorce and he refused and as I was living for a good bit of that time in the US and he would NEVER agree to let me take my kids back to Europe where I had a job that I could support them with I was kinda trapped. D-day was when he buggered off with another woman (we were back in Europe at that time) so I was able to get my divorce. I have had a couple of relationships since then but I will NEVER get married again, nor will I live with someone again. I have my own income, my own home and I will NEVER be someone's nurse and a purse while all the while have them think they can talk to me like crap (or use their fists to get the message over). I think it's lovely that some have long-term happy marriages but that wasn't my case. I am happy to have male friends but no more. Sadly, I think, I have had so many married women tell me how much they envy me my freedom.

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  24. Hi Llona
    You made me laugh so much...Loved your blog, love all of them, but this was so entertaining...We are exactly the same age 68...have found love again, with a man 9 years younger ( just when you think you are over the hill)and he loves to be seen with me haha...I live my life same as you... buying cheap food...recycling anything I can...Cutting my own hair...enjoy crafts so much, Patchwork etc ... Keep the video's coming...Lots of love xxx

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  25. Ilona, Ilove your honesty....... And you saved me a tenner yesterday. I gave the straggly ends of my hair a quick trim rather than booking the hairdresser which I was on the point of doing. I will need a proper cut to keep it in shape a few times a year but can trim the ends between cuts.

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  26. I married at 21 because I was desperate to get away from my dysfunctional parents who had made my life hell. Ten years in, hubby dropped a note into Reception asking me to make my own way home that night - when I arrived, he'd left me. Never argued etc, we had a fab marriage but one day he just left. Second hubby came along - same sort of thing (he decided he didn't want to be married and was jealous of my promotions whilst he had a 'menial' job (his words, not mine)) and then I met The Love of My Life. Five years in, no sign of an engagement or moving in together etc - he dumped me the day I returned from my Dad's funeral (nice). For years I chastised myself - what was I doing wrong? - and after many years of wondering, it dawned on me - nothing! All I'd done is picked the wrong men - men who were themselves 'broken' in some way but who hadn't dealt with whatever troubled them, and one day they just 'flipped' leaving me behind, distraught. On an Away Day a few years ago we were asked "If you could live your life over, what would you change?" and I stunned everyone by answering with one word: "Everything". I wish I'd had Meanqueen's courage to stay single, not feel the need to 'fit in' and be like everyone else, but to forge my own path wherever that might have led me. It certainly would have prevented years and years of depression, loneliness and heartache but there we go - lesson learned. At 50, I decided not to get involved in a relationship any more and stay single, and my life is the better for it: no more him sleeping on the sofa, or ignoring me for weeks on end because I'd got my dream job, or causing an argument the day before a holiday. The only thing in life I've ever wanted (a long and happy marriage) wasn't destined for me, I guess, but with Meanqueen's advice and guidance I can see how it's possible to live a fulfilled and contented existence sans men. For anyone alone on Valentine's Day like me, go out for a nice coffee and a bun, treat yourself to a new lipstick or nail varnish, buy a magazine (Meanqueen - it IS only one day, so forgive me!), come home and snuggle down in fluffy PJ's and watch an old B&W film ('Brief Encounter' is always my choice) and know that if you love yourself, life is still pretty good.

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    1. Thank you for your comment. Please do whatever makes you happy from now on. I am spending Valentines Day in a Youth Hostel, after breakfast I will go out walking. Bliss.

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  27. I’ve never had many boyfriends. People always want to know your marital status. Now that i’m past my mid-fifties, they always call me Mrs ..... I always say l’m Miss. What an assumption that just because I’m the age I am, I have to be married. Natalie

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    1. I am often called Mrs. Sometimes I put them right and joke about it, sometimes I can't be bothered and let it go.

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  28. Many years ago (late 80s) I was working in an office on a busy road opposite a florists. It was highly amusing to me to watch on Valentine's Day the buckets of flowers being put out at 9am at a certain price, then increased at lunch-time, and a final increase at about 4pm to catch panic-stricken men buying ridiculously dear flowers. I know I sound cynical, I just wish people would stop getting sucked into this ludicrous scam: your loved one is special all year round - I've always said stop following the herd and pick another day for your 'special day' if you want to celebrate instead. Romance is wonderful but you don't need merchandisers to dictate to you. Amanda

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  29. I understand love and marriage is not for everyone. Me...I married young, have three wonderful children during our years together. We had our ups and downs, who doesn't. He passed away 7 1/2 years ago after many years of diabetes and its related heart problems. We had been married 50 years. I was alone for four years and met a man, the same age as myself. He had lost his wife from the same health issues as my hubby. We have been together, (no intention of getting married, (living in sin) OH MY!!!!) for almost three years. We are very happy, and feel very lucky that we were able to find another love so late in our lives. We both had to watch our pennies in the early days of our marriages, now we are both sitting pretty good financially. We have been on four wonderful vacations together. No need for flowers and chocolates for Valentines Day, we show each other our love on a daily basis. Due to our frugal early days, we hate to spend money on things that get thrown away, ie greeting cards, so......three years ago we each found a Valentines card which expressed our feelings for each other, we date and write a little note on that same card every year. We also do this with our birthday cards and both cards sit on each other's bed side table throughout the year. Happy Valentines Day.

    Patricia

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    1. Very sensible Patricia. Valentines Day is just a marketing ploy to get people to spend more money. If you are happy with a partner all you need to do is tell them you love them.

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  30. Great post Ilona and oh so true x

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  31. I must say I grinned a bit when I saw an article in the paper today about some invention that is going to be with us soon (think it was 10 years time?) that will be able to spot if someone is really in love or no (analysing the brain chemistry or something). The grin was because I have cynically suspected for a while that a noticeable proportion of people that get married (even go the full whack of buying house together/having children) aren't actually really in love - but have "settled". If that forthcoming invention really can spot whether people are in love or no - then one would expect the marriage rate to go down with it (as a person who really is in love and wants their partner to be as well might insist on checking to see if they are before doing so). I'd never have passed the test (been infatuated - but never really been in love)and I suspect only one of my 4 guys that wanted to marry me was LOL.

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  32. Greetings, I really enjoyed this post and all of the responses I'd like to add a different perspective to the conversation. Let me state that I am only speaking for myself and not pushing any lifestyles. My partner and I met in our 20's, we have now been together for 32 years. For the last 9 years we have been able to be legally married in America. I don't hate men, I just live a much freer, equal way with my spouse. I don't have to answer to a man and feel like a second class citizen, We aren't competing with each other and can even share clothes. ( ha, ha). I think too many women don't realize or can't allow themselves to think out of the box. Thanks...

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    1. Sounds like a rock solid relationship, I'm glad you found your soulmate. I do think outside the box :-) xxx

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  33. I remember the 76 club at B. Lots of others around here too. Takes me back. J.

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  34. I'm an old maid but quite happy. I do think all this romance is quite hyped up at valentines. I couldn't put up with some of the things my married friends have at all.

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  35. When I was young I was expected to be married. I could not find anyone, by the time I was 30 I did get pregnant, and forced the relationship to work. We married after 7 years, it then lasted another 16 years. That about sums it up. He left me ten years ago, I took it really bad but not out of loving him, just for wanting him around. I was sort of proud to have a husband. My confession to my mother when she died was that I had forced myself to become a wife and mother. Yes at least Ilona had the guts to face the truth of how she wanted to live her life. I just pretended. I went against who I was, a happy go lucky single introvert.

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    1. Hi. I hope you are in a good place right now. Please spend the rest of your life doing what you want to do. It's your time now.

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  36. Been married for 40 years .. 3 daughters .. 7 grandbabies .. life of travel .. wouldn't change it for the world. I can't and don't want to imagine a life without my totally nonromantic but ever helpful husband. From the start .. every task has been shared .. my girls all treasure their Dad who taught them to live life knowing all things are possible. Not sure how I happened upon this blessing but I am ever so grateful! To each her own .. or as old Joe in a Christmas Carol would say "We are all suitable to our calling."

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  37. Another old maid here. My father was an alcoholic (the town drunk actually) and we were desperately poor when I was growing up. My mother worked when she could and managed to scrape up enough somehow to take care of my sister and me. When I finished school and went to work, it was my turn to take care of her. My father died young and my sister got married. I never met anyone I cared for or who cared for me. I worked long hours, never made big wages but it was enough for my mom and me. Not to say I didn't chafe sometimes and wish I didn't have to be responsible for everything but I got pretty set in my ways. Not good wife material. When my sister and I go shopping, she often calls her husband from the store to ask if she can buy something. Married 30+ years and she made more money that he did. They have 3 beautiful children, all grown and settled in good careers but I would be d*mned if I would ask any man if I could spend my own money. No, I'm definitely good wife material. ;)
    Joan in Michigan

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    1. Hi Joan. Similar childhood to me. My dad preferred to spend every night in the pub, he dropped dead of a heart attack at 46. My mum held the family together.

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  38. Hi Ilona you make me laugh and cry, sometimes both at the same time. Seriously your searing honesty just gets me. Its open heart surgery!

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    1. Hi. I like to find something to laugh at, even though life throws me some curved balls now and again. I don't take things too seriously. Time moves on, I move on.

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