Tuesday 20 November 2018

Being polite has it's downsides.

Oh dear, I have eaten too much. I was presented with a massive cooked dinner on Sunday, someone had gone to a lot of trouble to lay on the feast, five of us sat round a table and scoffed. I am very appreciative of the kindness of others, so I had to be kind back and eat almost the whole plateful. It's rude not to eat what is put in front of you, and I hate wasting food, so I soldiered on. I did my best, didn't want to leave half of it, even though I was bursting at the seams. I had to stop short of clearing the whole lot, some cabbage and peas were left on the edge of the plate.

I do have big platefuls of food sometimes at home, but it is always vegetables or salad. If I can't manage all of it I put it in the fridge to be added to lunch the next day. The feeling of fullness never lasts long, because salad and veg passes through the body quite quickly. It's not a good idea to eat tons of heavy food which will linger a while longer. The stomach stretches to compensate for over indulgence, then you get the feeling that there is a blockage as some of it gets stuck half way down. Not good.

I was still full when I got to the hotel, the Holiday Inn, by the way, very nice hotel, so I was able to collapse on the bed and watch tele. I was still full the next morning when I went down for breakfast. I rationed myself to a bowl of cornflakes, and beans and scrambled egg on a slice of bread. I could have gone the whole hog and ordered a full veggie breakfast, but the though of it made me feel sick. I had to eat something though, not good to binge eat and later starve yourself.

I rang my Auntie to see if she was in for a visit. The first thing she said was, I haven't got anything vegetarian in. People always thing vegetarians have a completely different diet than everyone else. I never expect people to prepare special food for me, I will eat what they eat, except for the meat, fish, and gravy. I said, Auntie, I don't need to eat, I am still stuffed from last night, and I have just had breakfast. She is so kind. So I had a cup of coffee with her and a catch up natter.

Next onto sisters in the afternoon. Starting to feel like I ought to eat something so she made me a cheese sandwich, that was just right, will keep me going till I get home. I drove past Tesco, couldn't be bothered to call in, the thought of buying more food, yuk, can't face it. At 7pm I had a small bowl of soup.

This morning I had porridge with a few frozen fruits. I hope to get my stomach back to normal today, smaller portions to give it chance to shrink back to it's normal size. So sorry stomach, I have abused you, because I was too polite to leave food that someone had prepared specially for me.

Eating is seen as a social activity, go out for a meal with friends, getting a take away with friends, going to someone's house for a party. There's going to be a lot of this going on between now and Christmas. There's going to be a lot of stretched stomachs, over indulgence, and eating too much. I might get an invite to one more family do, it will be nice to see them, but I'm going to have to limit myself about what goes into my mouth. Feeling bloated and sick isn't my idea of enjoyment.

How will you cope, will you be partying, will you be stuffing your face, just because it's all laid out on a table?   ilona

39 comments:

  1. Sounds like you had a good time otherwise Ilona. On the food front I have never been able to eat a three course meal. I've tried to, to be social but have failed many times. Even at Christmas it's just two courses and sometimes the second is eaten some hours later.

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  2. I agree Ilona - over indulging makes you feel awful and for me eating late in the evening isn't good either. We've been to a Toby carvery recently - the sizes of some people's dinners amazes me!!

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  3. "Eating is seen as a social activity"

    There is so much truth to that observation!
    I have anaphylaxis, and my allergen could be in any food, as it is a commonly used preservative, increasingly used to extend shelf life and it could be in anything. i don't risk my life to be polite. i am not rude, but if pressed after politely declining "russian roulette" food, which is all food I don't prepare for myself, I will respond with an honest explanation. It never goes well socially, there are a variety of natural reactions people have, all of them perfectly understandable, and all of them resulting in some kind of tension in the situation. I don't enjoy being singled out at every social event, and having to deal with other people's issues around food allergies, so I avoid social gatherings that involve food, which is almost all social gatherings as it turns out. Anaphylaxis can be isolating.

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    1. I do not understand why people do not consider "no, thank you" to be a valid response to an invitation. You are not asking anyone to accommodate your needs, you are simply declining an invitation for health reasons.

      I have to deal with this regularly at work. My reasons, for the most part, are not health-related. The office where I work uses any excuse for potluck lunches. Several times each month. Apart from the fact that I dislike food prep/cooking and have some serious food allergies (not in your class, but reactions can range from discomfort to a visit to the ER), I am an incredibly picky eater. I politely decline each invitation and have to listen to the resulting whining that I am not a team player. When it comes to food or my health, I definitely am NOT a team player!

      Hope people learn not to push into what is not their business. Eventually. Not holding my breath! lol

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  4. I have a Christmas meal booked and paid for with friends... Then I discovered that my Whist Christmas dinner will be on the same day. Luckily the Whist one is a carvery so I will only have a small amount. One large meal and two light meals a day are plenty for us but now and then I cam manage to eat a bit extra.. I will just have to skip breakfast.

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  5. We like to limit our Christmas extravagances to a week over Christmas and New Year, and we ration out the treats as too much sweet and fatty food makes us feel rather unwell. We buy little bags of our favourite flavour of chocolates from Hotel Chocolat with four or six in each, and enjoy a different type each day. I will buy some sort of treat main course for Christmas Day and really enjoy a traditional pudding, but I usually serve it as 'dinner' on Boxing Day - after starter and mains none of us can face a heavy fruit pud, even those who love it. Our other celebration items will be some luxury nuts to nibble on and have on our morning oats, a few crisps and probably some smoked salmon for lunches. Otherwise it will be business as usual. Too much rich food simply unbalances the system as you get older.

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  6. My Mam has booked and paid for all the Family to join her at the Hilton hotel for their pre Christmas buffet.Its lovely and we always used to go with my Dad before he died.But Im going to take it easy this year because previous years,Ive felt ill when Ive got home because Ive eaten too much!.All Ive wanted to do is go to sleep!.I only take small portions,but because there is so much variety I like to try it all and as Ive got older my stomach just cant take it,lol.So this year Im going to behave myself!,xx

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    1. Yes, behave yourself, and take a plastic box with a lid in your handbag, so you can bring some of it home for later.

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    2. Lol,Ilona I will do that because the food is lovely...I will do it on the quiet though..because one year my niece had put some left over meat from her plate for her dog.When the waitress came up to clear the plates...the bit of meat was on a paper serviette..she said that she had to take it because the hotel could not allow food to be taken off the premises!!.They would rather throw it in the bin than allow a small dog to enjoy what was left!,xx

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  7. Agreed, Ilona. I can only manage one course if I’m out and my preference would be two starters for variety. I eat a mainly veggie diet and really suffer if I have too much carbohydrate.

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  8. So kind of them to prepare for you...perhaps next time take a full plate then ask to take the uneaten portion home? I am sure they would have been happy for you to do that (or bring a container just in case?) Sounds like you had some nice visiting time though aside from the stretched tummy

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    1. Yes, I should have brought some home with me.

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  9. On the rare occasions I eat out, if I really don't fancy what's on offer from the 'mains' menu I will select a 'starter' and then if hungry order a 2nd 'starter' for the main course (I don't have a sweet tooth so avoid puddings). To begin with I felt a bit embarrassed about doing this but a kind waitress said 'oh don't worry about that, quite a few people do it too'. I have not been able to eat a 3-course meal for years, far too much food.

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    1. I cannot manage a three course meal. What is the point of a starter anyway. And if the main meal is big enough, no need for a pudding. And cheese and biscuits to follow, what is that all about?

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  10. Took a while for me to learn not to over-eat on special occasions. It was not an issue when I was younger, as I was very active. Around 50, my body protested. Loudly.

    At family meals (at home), I do not allow anyone to fill my plate and accept only what I know I can and will eat at that time. At restaurants, I analyze the portions, create two sections on the plate and usually take at least 50% home. It isn't always that precise, as some foods do not make good leftovers.

    I try to avoid social situations where I have to defend my picky food preferences. Usually, I thank the person and politely decline without further comment. Since I also am completely burned out on entertaining, declining non-family invitations has become relatively easy. Required a few years to reach that point, though. Too many people are travel agents for guilt trips!

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  11. The festivities have already started where I work. Bags of donuts and boxes of mince pies and biscuits on all the desks. I will indulge for 3 days over the Christmas period then go right back to my normal way of eating. Around this time last year I was almost 7 stone heavier, so I'm very careful now about what I eat especially when it comes to sugar/carbs. We don't eat out much but when we do the portion sizes are always too big.

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    1. Well done to you on that superb weight loss!

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    2. When I worked, this time of year was difficult. The amount of food people came to the office with was unbelievable. Savoury and Sweet. I used to hide it in my draw, as people would not take no for an answer. But had to be careful not to offend. Sometimes I would give in and eat it, but it was annoying under pressure to eat rubbish and put on pounds for nothing.

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    3. Well Done Elaine{Oldham}!.7 stone is an amazing weight loss and you must feel so much better for it!When every one at work,is filling their selves with sweet carbs all day just think of how great you will feel,when they are feeling sluggish after the new year and you are looking fantastic!!





















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  12. In my family, we all enjoy our food and look forward to sharing it together. We are all good cooks and tend to go for small portions of really delicious food. Everything is cooked from scratch and usually we contribute our 'signature' dishes. What I can't understand is the sheer volume of processed food, not to mention sweets and chocolates, aimed at the Christmas market. That's about making money, not about enjoying yourself.

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  13. I can’t stand greed - I maybe have a little more than I should occasionally but the size and cost of some peoples’ shopping trolleys is unbelievable. I actually don’t like going food shopping at Christmas and we just buy the same as usual. If my family make buffets etc at Christmas I usually come home with the leftovers and we are grateful. But we really are frugal living - down to the last pound coin x

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  14. I don't like eating in resturants.I usually only go 3 or 4 times a year when it's arranged .I much prefer to eat what I fancy at home and tend to eat small amounts throughout the day rather than a meal x

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  15. Different countries have different table manners. In some countries you should leave a little food on your plate, it is rude to clean your plate, indicating that you haven't been given enough. Personally I ask for half portions when it is served already on my plate, whether at a family gathering or eating out. To overstuff yourself because you think it is rude to do otherwise is ridiculous. People don't all have the same appetite or stomach capacity and nobody should expect them to "stretch" their stomach. I'm not offended at all if a guest leaves food on their plate. By the way if you dined with the Queen you would be expected to stop eating and put down your cutlery the moment the Queen stops eating. It is most certainly not the done thing to continue eating after she has finished.

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    1. I have eaten with royalty at the Savoy Hotel, though not the Queen. Princess Margaret, Princess Diana, and the Duchess of York. Not all at the same time, and not at the top table :o)

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    2. Does it count,that I have met Prince Charles about 38 years ago?....really!!.I did have the photos of him and me at a community center in Leicester.And I had a picnic of sandwiches and crisps in my bag!.I didnt mention it to him cause I had only brought enough for me and my baby daughter at the time!.xx

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  16. I went out with a friend last Tuesday and the pub we went to did meals in smaller portions which was ideal for my appetite. I don't over eating and I'd got a long train and bus journey home so wouldn't have wanted to feel uncomfortable xx

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    1. I think it's nice to be able to choose from the children's menu.

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  17. I am glad you made the effort to show your appreciation at the hostesses efforts, by eating most of your plate. (your excess will soon wear off). Most often when folks cook (for others) (to my mind), they are showing their appreciation for guest coming. --- They are sharing a talent they have (cooking), and hoping someone will notice the effort/enjoy the effort----Sometimes they are showing /sharing their pride in a special dish....etc. It is good and kind of you to have made the effort. Very sure it was much appreciated/enjoyed.

    ---on another note, I ran across someone selling homemade aprons (half and full length), and thought I would mention in case it is something of interest for you to do. You put a lot of work/detail into your shopping bags, and I though aprons might even be easier. Suspect aprons would sell nicely alongst your shopping bags.

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    1. Thank you, the aprons are a good idea.

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    2. Ilona, If you do decide to make some aprons, I’d like to make a suggestion ... because of my age, arthritis, and some injuries, I have a hard time wearing an apron that “hangs” on my neck. The pressure will cause neck pain. I also can’t reach around to tie an apron in back. I can tie to the side or in front if the strings are long enough (my preference). I’ve been looking at patterns that have a shoulder to them and cross in the back — hope I’m making myself clear. Anyway, for people with age-related or life-long limitations, being able to get aprons in this style would be a real deal. They would take more fabric and be a bit more complicated to sew, but I think they would be much appreciated and a hot item. Just my two cents worth :)

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    3. Chris M....now that you mention it, I too am not fond of aprons hanging on my neck, as they irritate it easily. Although much more suitable for a messy person like myself, I do not like them...Prefer the half aprons..---------
      also, now that you mention trouble tying in back, I am thinking I have seen half (or full) aprons with "long" ties on them which sort of wrapped around and tied in front.

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  18. It's better to be true to yourself and not be a people pleaser!
    Good intentions often go to hell, in end your loyalty is to yourself otherwise you suffer. I never do anything that I'll regret later, no is also an answer.

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    1. I can very easily say no. If the food had been in serving dishes , help yourself style, then I would have only put on my plate what I intended to eat. A mound of food was put in front of me, so I felt I ought to try and eat it, so as not to offend my hosts.

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  19. Hi there! Oh my goodness stuffing yourself for appearances sake. I'm thinking perhaps you don't go out for meals often? It certainly isn't expected of anyone to clear their plates these days, that idea goes back to years ago when certain classes expected their offspring to clear their plates at every meal. Very outdated idea. No modern host or hostess expects guests to do that and most certainly not to the extent that you're uncomfortable. You should aim to leave the table pleasantly replete, but not overstuffed.

    The idea above about making aprons is an excellent one! Extra pinnys are always welcome.

    Cheerio!

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    1. I think that some of us were born to parents that were brought up in the war,1939 TO 1945.So when we were born to them in the 1950s,they were used to clearing their plates and expected the same from us kids!.I always did..I can remember cutting into cube shapes, a slice of spam,cause it seemed to make it go further!.I was happy,healthy and always had loads of energy.I dont think its a matter of not going out for meals often...Its that we grew up not leaving anything on our plates and not wasting food!xx

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    2. I don't go out for meals at all. As Debi said, we were brought up to eat everything put in front of us, and to clear our plates. My mum managed on very little money, we couldn't afford to throw anything away. I wish it was like that now for everybody, far too much food is wasted.

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    3. Thank you for your comment, Jan. It has not been published.

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  20. This is a really interesting post - I had exactly the same scenario this week, when we were invited out for a meal with friends. First of all, I felt guilty that they wanted to book a table for 8.30 pm and I had to politely ask that we eat earlier, as there's no way I could eat a large meal at that time!! I did feel sort of duty-bound to eat everything on the plate (I couldn't though!), as this couple do not like waste of any kind - but, portion sizes to cater for a 16 stone man, and little old me, should not be the same!! I felt ill most of the night and couldn't sleep, which made me grouchy all the next day ..... just not worth it!! Thanks for all your comments here, as now I feel relatively 'normal', ha ha!! xxx

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