Tuesday 28 April 2020

Naturally sunny

Hello. Barbara asked a question...
I will reply here. She asks have I any tips and/or tricks for keeping morale up, or am I naturally a sunny person? I have probably touched on some of this before, I wrote about changing a negative to a positive in 2018, here is a link. I also made a video about it, link included in the post.

Another link to a post touching on the subject, from 2016. Ten good reasons why...

And a third link to another post in 2016, Cheer up it might never happen.  These all come under the sub headings of Reflections on life and Observations, which you will find on the side bar.

So, I will add a bit more to this as Barbara is asking for tips and tricks on keeping morale up. Will try not to lecture, scroll on if you are not interested.

EMOTIONS. We are all dominated by them, If we didn't have emotions our lives would be meaningless. We would have no purpose, and no direction. There are a range of emotions, fear, anger, love, hate, and sadness. I can dilute my emotions, I try to keep them in check, because to give in to them means things can go horribly wrong. People say you should not hold back on your emotions, I say they can be controlled.

To a certain extent I have a tough outer shell, and a squishy soft centre. Most of the time I let nothing penetrate my hard exterior. Some of the time my softer emotions  will catch me off balance, and I can be a sentimental softy. Not about my own life because that is sorted, but when I see the emotions of other people, how they struggle, what makes them sad or happy, that can have an effect on my emotions. I wish I could do more to help, to heal their pain.

FEAR can diminish morale, if you let it. I am fearful that I may not have time to complete all I want to do. I don't waste time thinking about what I have missed out on, but rather think about living in the now, not in the past. I look forward with optimism.

ANGER can be a destructive force. Someone who is angry for a lot of the time are denying themselves a happy life. I don't get angry, I cannot have a row with anyone. You might see me sometimes publish a troll comment so I can reply. I will let it go on for a while so I can say my piece, but then I delete it because it's a waste of time. I am not responsible for someone else's anger, it's their problem.

LOVE is another emotion I keep in check. It has wafted in and out of my life over the years, but because of my reluctance to take responsibility for someone else's life, or allow someone else to be responsible for me, it's fairer for both parties that we go our separate ways.

HATE is another destructive emotion. When you hate someone you only hurt yourself, so there is no point. Hate and anger go hand in hand, I don't see any of that in myself. I feel a little bit hurt if someone hates me, or is angry with me, but it's out of my control to do something about it. Their destructive behaviour belongs to them, not me.

SADNESS can be debilitating. It is natural to be sad, natural to have a good cry, oh how I have cried in the past. It needs to be kept in check though. Prolonged bouts of sobbing could mean an underlying illness, and should be checked out with a doctor.

Tips and Tricks, this is what I do. Be dogmatic, be determined that no one is going to screw up my life. As I have said before I take full responsibility for myself. There are things going on in the world which I have no control over. Kicking and screaming, cursing and swearing, crying and moaning, or punching someone will not make one iota of difference.

Practical things I can do. Change my routine to include an element of surprise. We all have a tendency to follow our little routines every day. Get up, ablutions, have a drink, eat a meal, go to bed, life can become a bit boring, if you let it. I have a little voice inside telling me to jiggle things around a bit, change the order I do things. If I am hungry I eat, not hungry, don't eat. I might swap breakfast for lunch, or have a bowl of cereals at night. I vary the times I go for a walk, depending on what I feel like doing.

Yesterday morning I imagined I was on holiday. The open fields, the tracks I was walking, the sunshine, the quietness, the solitude. Being outside in nature is empowering to me. What might have seemed a boring walk to some people, I imagined it to be a little adventure. It's times like the present when it helps to have an vivid imagination.

Naturally sunny person? Yes I am. I am able to think myself happy, because I can see no point in being anything else. It is widely said that simplicity is the key to a happy life, and as I get older I am shedding all my complications. I mostly see things in black or white.

Enough, now I'm rambling for the sake of it. I hope that everyone can find a way round this dilemma, find a way to cope with uncertainty, and not dwell on the negative aspects, but look for the positives.
Thanks to Barbara for the question. Thanks to everyone for popping in.
Now one last thing to say. I am not trained in psychology or mental health. This is how I see things. There is a rook of help out there for people who are struggling with life.
Breakfast now. Toodle pip.  ilona

32 comments:

  1. Brilliant post Illona. You are as happy as you make up your mind to be.

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    1. I think you've got it, Sally. And being honest with yourself.

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  2. Thanks very much, Ilona - a very interesting and useful read! I think I’ll read it more than once in the future. The ‘wanting to simplify’ does come as we get older, I’m sure. I had a step-grandfather who once used to say, ‘I’ve got too many *things*!’ and I’m starting to know how he felt!

    I read somewhere that a feeling of ‘being able to meet your own needs’ is also a morale booster, and I think you are a person who definitely does that. Thanks again.

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    1. You're welcome Barbara. I think a change of mindset takes some practice, it's not something you can switch on and off. Think about each situation as it arises, if you are unhappy about how something is turning out, ask yourself, how can you make it better.

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  3. Ilona, thank you for your sage advice. I think the most important thing I've learned as well is that no one is responsible for my emotions! Only me. Having a firm grip on this understanding keeps me stable, content, happy, and useful to others when needed. I don't observe and react - I decide and respond. I think it's the most mature way to live!

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    1. Spot on Karla. I know I need time to assess a situation, sometimes a quick decision can be the wrong decision. I think about it, then respond. Good tip, thank you.

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  4. Thanks Ilona. Your list of Tips and Tricks helped me today. It gave me lots to think about with my own life.

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    1. One step at a time, Sue. A series of small changes can work as well as one massive change.

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  5. You don't like hate..except when you link to videos of people that promote hate. ok..

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    1. Ok, so I am publishing this because it is example of someone who is riddled with anger. Someone who makes assumptions about who I am, and accuses me of the very emotion that they themselves are guilty of. Basically a keyboard warrior with a bad attitude.

      No need for anyone else to answer this troll, we will calmly ignore them. It is they who have the problem.

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  6. You are always spot on, thank you for your wisdom, character and heart. Much appreciated, and I, too, will re-read this sensible and caring take on feelings and the challenging times we are going through. You are a light in all this and I look forward to seeing your posts and videos. Thank you again for your help and support in a challenging world.

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    1. Hi Melanie. Thank you for visiting my blog.

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  7. I shall read your wise thoughts again and again to really learn and remember them.
    I admire your way of thinking, you must be a intelligent person. Sorry if my English is not right, I am a Swede:-)

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    1. Hi Marianne. Your English is perfect, my Swedish is rubbish, so you are more intelligent than me. I have been around for almost 71 years, so I have learnt a lot about life. Thank you for your comment.

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  8. I have read loads of different books over the years-Self help type ones but Your words help me more in a way that I understand.You are a very wise,caring lady-Thank you Ilona x

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    1. Years ago self help books were all the rage, I read quite a few. I even bought some. In a way some of what I read did have an influence on my life. I have a need to understand things, and reading is a good way to learn. Thanks flis.

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  9. It's laughable the number of posts you've gone back and deleted over the years when you've said something and people have called you out in it. One very recent one too.

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    1. And I am laughing at you Mandy, or whatever your name is. So you are policing my blog. Maybe you are the same person as Anonymous above. Quite frankly I don't care who you are, that is the whole point. It's you that doesn't get it. My blog Mandy, I can do what I like with it, I can delete the whole thing if I want to.

      Here's a question, why do you come back if you don't like the way I run my blog? Why do you torture yourself by reading utter drivel in which you have no interest? Do you not understand what a blog is? It's about my life, my thoughts, and my ideas. It's not about you. If you can only say negative things, I don't want to know. Now go and find yourself a forum and chat with like minded negative people.

      Note to the rest of my lovely readers, do not rise to the bait, do not reply to Mandy.

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    2. "Do you not understand what a blog is? It's about my life, my thoughts, and my ideas"
      Do you not understand that people are free to comment if you have comments open?

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    3. Of course people are free to comment. Do you not understand that I don't have to publish any comments which are sarcastic, nit picking, rude, slagging me off, or telling me what I should or shouldn't be doing. You didn't answer my question. Why do you keep coming back?

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  10. Thank you Ilona, great points to ponder.
    Simplifying your life is a great thing to help focus on what is important, decluttering is a wonderful way to focus on the problem of all the stuff someone will have to deal with when you are gone or no longer live in your home.
    One of the things that really keep me happy is being creative in many ways....knitting, baking, sewing, handmade books, gardening.
    Walking keeps my cranky pants in the cupboard and helps me sleep well.
    Power on mean queen!

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  11. Wise words woman! 'shedding complications' - i Like that phrase and maybe we'll look back at this period of time and realise that we've done some of that. I am loving the fact that I am able to be back walking outside, albeit shorter distances, and grateful to have a lovely cycle path to walk along nearby.

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    1. Yes, let's cast off complications, we don't need them. Make the most of what you have, Gillian. Although cyclists are supposed to give way to pedestrians, keep your eyes open and get out of their way. Think of your safety first.

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  12. A very helpful and useful post for us all when emotions can be all over the place at the moment.I am staying positive,thankful to wake up each morning feeling healthy.My family and pets mean the world to me so as long as they are all ok,then every thing is fine by me.Like Flis,I have read books over the years...only ones from the charity shop though,lol...but you explain your thoughts on things better than any book.Maybe its because we all feel that we know you!.I will say that when I have been feeling down over the years,I have logged in to your blog and there is always something positive there to cheer me up.Can I just say as well,that I am feeling very proud of my Daughter and Grandaughters,who have been delivering free food parcels for the last 3 weeks,to people in the area who are in isolation and cant get to the supermarkets.One 89 year old man clapped them as they walked away and that made their day!.The place that they are doing it for are also phoning the old people up for a chat,incase they are feeling lonely.So that is one of my positives for the day!..Keep strong and smile,we will get there!!,xxx

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    1. Someone came to my door yesterday, delivering free food. In a carrier bag, it looked very nice. The man works for the local housing association, we have some rentals in the street. I opened the front door very carefully for a couple of inches, and explained to him that he had the wrong address. The bungalows are down the bottom end. Nice that they are looking after the elderly and vulnerable.

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  13. Hi Meanqueen (great name!),

    This is an amazing blog, this is a really great post.

    Currently, my partner and me are both working from home, trying to home school and occupy our 9 year old son and staying clear of our grumpy teenager. I'm missing being able to spend time with my parents but realise how very lucky we are. We have our jobs, our health and are safe at home. Others are not so lucky.

    Stay safe and keep blogging, you add to the richness of life!

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    1. Hi. Thanks for taking part in this discussion. Oh I will keep on blogging. I enjoy chatting with my bloggy friends.

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  14. I think that I am quite a happy person too generally and as I was an only child quite content alone.I have noticed some have seemed a bit envious of my seemingly carefree days with my dogs and a little bit put out of my disinterest in their showy ways.Some individuals crave attention desperately for validation-I don't x

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  15. I'm just plodding on with my life day to day, trying to keep cheerful and doing my own thing. I love your posts Ilona. Keep on trucking!

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    1. Good for you, Linda, that's what I'm doing. It will all come out in the wash, as my mother used to say.

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  16. Well said!! Thank you for putting this out there!

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