Thursday, 30 April 2015

What are you waiting for........

Hello. I try not to wish my life away, knowing that I am way past the halfway stage, and probably in the last quarter of it. I stopped saying, 'I can't wait until....bladeblah happens,' when thinking about some plans for the future. I hate that term of phrase. I am not putting my life on hold and hopping from one pleasurable experience to the next, with nothing to fill the long gaps in between.

Yes it's nice to have some plans, something to look forward to, but shutting down and plodding from one day to the next, with just dreams to keep me going, is a waste of the time I have left.

When I was working I was happy most of the time, so I never said, 'I can't wait until', because I could. I didn't put life on hold because I had special outing which was planned to happen in six months time. When I started losing interest in the job I wasn't like a zombie, going through the motions and waiting for the weekend. I worked at making the job more pleasurable, filling the gaps between Monday and Friday.

For the long hours of solitary confinement in the cab, talking books were a Godsend. When I had no books I listened to Radio 4, always something to keep the grey matter ticking over there. When I was out of the cab I talked to everyone I met. Other truck drivers, fork lift drivers who were unloading my trailer, smiling at the security gate staff, and passing the time of day with anyone who had a few minutes to spare. Traffic jams were a bit of an inconvenience, and a hindrance to getting on with the job, but even so, looking down at other people in their cars was very entertaining, ha ha.

I can't ever recall having that, 'Monday morning feeling'. By keeping my mind occupied I hardly noticed what day it was. That was until I reached my mid fifties, then I realized that there was so much more I wanted to do and time was passing me by. Then I decided to make changes, ease up on the driving, and free up the time to do other things.

I still don't say, 'I can't wait until.......' because I don't want time to go more quickly than it already does, and it does seem to whizz by the older you get. I try and slow it down by only thinking about what I'm going to do in the next hour, or for the rest of the day, or tomorrow, or at the very most, next week. My life as a lorry driver gave me a sense of worth, I was doing something useful, delivering the goods. Filling my time with something productive, or something useful, or something that will give my life a sense of meaning and worth, is what I still do now.

This is not to say I am on the go every minute of every day, it's good to take time out to reflect, stop for a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, gather thoughts, make plans for the next hour. Right now I need to wash the pots, I have started on the picture again, it's cold so I'll stay indoors for a while until it warms up, then go outside. I need to go shopping, maybe later. I have no idea what I will be doing next month, it's my birthday so I will be doing something, will decide later, but in the meantime I am not putting things on hold waiting for May 16th. It will come in it's own good time.

Must dash, something to do. What's your next job? How will you fill the next 24 hours? Come on. tell.
Toodle pip.

40 comments:

  1. My next job is to do a little hand washing, x So far today I have done two lots of machine washing, prepared a meal in the slow cooker, fed the birds, swept the patio, washed dishes, there is always plenty to do, have a great day x

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  2. I do my voluntary work on Thursday afternoon, so this morning was spent dog walking, shopping and dealing with washing. I do look forward to the weekend because that's when my husband is free to join me. He'd like to retire, but is much too young!

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    1. Your husband is gorgeous, I'm not surprised that you look forward to the weekends.

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  3. Shopping day today, I take my friend who does not drive and is not able bodied enough to use the bus. That is after I walk Ben, take the plant protection off my strawberries and a few tender plants. Later I will walk the mile or so down to the library, nice and steady as Ben likes to have a good snuffle round. In the meantime I have the last corner of the garden to get ready for planting, some perpetual Spinach and Rainbow Chard. Life is too short to wish it away, lots of fun out there, you just have to get out and find some.

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    1. So true Pam. There's plenty of fun to be had, it's easy to find if you look.

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  4. I will go to the library and stop by the grocers. I'll return a book and get a new book to keep the old gray matter occupied. I'll enjoy the way and the flowers and green buds along the way and probably take some photos. If the weather is good I might even do a bit of gardening. Weather has been raining so much that there hasn't been a chance to do much of that for awhile. Have a wonderful 24 hours!

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  5. Just got back from my Family History research class. Having a sandwich lunch at the computer writing to you. This afternoon it is my quilting class where I am making a quilt for my sister (130 blocks to make!!). This evening we have our Short Mat Bowls club AGM and then a practice. Tomorrow BT are coming to fit us with a faster broadband!!! Apart from that my time's my own!! Ann x P.S. Thursdays are my busiest day. The rest of the time I will be slobbing about gardening (not much), ironing, making the bed etc. Hey Ho! Such is life. x

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    1. Blimey, there's not much time left for you to slob about after your busy schedule.

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  6. For me it is at my desk I'll be - there is always work I need to bring home to complete. Unfortunately I'm one of the guilty - wishing for time to go quickly until the mid-year hols arrive. This is when we fly half way around the world to pick our tools in the house I bought when having a mid-life crisis. The mid-life crisis has since passed by the crisis with this house still continues, due to the "work" done by an entrepreneurial married couple who are not French. Despite our misfortune at the hands of these scoundrels, we love our little corner of France and can't wait for our annual working bee. Warm regards

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  7. How will I fill my next 24 hours, well it would be too long a list, but just a few highlights .... Polytunnel planting, doggie walks, meals, mucking out the henhouse and planning my final two days of Live Below the Line, and if the sun stays out I'll sit for a while with a book and a cup of coffee, although the book usually gets ignored and I sit drinking in the view along with the coffee instead ;-)

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    1. I know what you mean about getting side tracked by the view Sue. You live in a beautiful part of the world and I consider myself lucky as I can see the hills from my house and garden. It soothes my soul!

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    2. Hi Sue, I know you are busy by reading your excellent blog,

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  8. I like to have hopes and dreams, I think everyone needs something to aim for, not to say you have to p ut your life on hold until it happens, but just getting through each day rather aimlessly is not for me.

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  9. I will spend my day house cleaning, a load of laundry, a quick trip to buy cat food, and all with a 2 year old "helping". At 4pm I will pick her sister up at school and take them home, Then this Grandma will sit quietly, sip a glass of wine, and knit.

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    1. I imagine Grandma duties could be very hectic.

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  10. I spent many years working longer hours than I was paid for and bringing up my children virtually single-handed. I was guilty of wishing for holidays though despite having only twenty days leave a year after more than twenty years (mean and selfish employer who spent little time in the business and most of his time abroad in his holiday home leaving the running of his business to me). In spite of all this I often had holiday left at the end of a year. A serious illness in 2010/2011 showed me just how selfish my employer was and how I. had been used for 20+ years. As my children were grown up and semi-independent at that point I simply walked away. I look back on that as something that saved my life though I was unwell and had no job. I have had many difficult times in the years since but many more happy times which more than make up for it. I now have much less money which brings its own worries but I make the most of family and friends and regret the years I wasted not spending time with them. I'm determined not to waste any more though! I have been hand washing everything for almost a year as we are unable to afford a new washing machine after ours broke so have just done some washing and hung it out. I have some bills to pay and letters to write so I will do that and take them to the post box. I have a book to finish for my university course and a favour to do for a friend. I have made our dinner for later and for tomorrow as well whilst the oven was on. I have a bit of tidying and vacuming and some work to do on the computer. I will spend time cuddling our our cat and speaking to my husband and sitting down to dinner with him when he returns from work later. Tomorrow I am working and have arranged to see a friend for lunch. It is a treat but we will go and eat at a friend's business to give them support for their venture. At one time this life would have seemed so boring to me but after being really ill every day is a gift and I don't intend to wish them away either Ilona as I know just how precious they are!

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    1. Sounds like you have it all sorted VC, good on you. Enjoy your lunch tomorrow.

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    2. Thanks Ilona and thanks for taking the time to reply! Hope you have sunshine today like us x

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  11. Well, my first job in the morning, after breakfast and making my bed, is to do just this....sit at the computer and read all the blogs I enjoy. This is my writing day as well, where I block out most distractions and try to concentrate on my current novel, editing, changing, refining, etc. I also use it to compose some of the blogs that will post later on. We are in the middle of moving to a new home at the end of June, and are making a trip to Illinois to attend my granddaughter's wedding, so I just have to plan ahead right now. I enjoy those few moments when I can just shut down, and not be concerned about what's going to happen in two weeks. Loved your post.

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    1. Hi Linda, It's good to have a plan, but good to get on with other things as well. My sister writes, so I know how long it takes to get a book to the publishing stage. I hope your move goes well.

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  12. I'm washing the living room drapes this morning and hanging them outside in the sun to dry. My other major project to complete today is turning the compost pile. For fun I am planning a road trip from Minnesota to South Carolina next month, the routes to take, the stops to make. I think half the fun of travel is planning the trip!

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  13. I love the saying "Squeeze the Pips Out of Life". Right now I'm doing a bit of gentle knitting whilst resting from the last bout of chemo. So all I have ahead of me at the mo is a mint green sweater to complete! Hopefully over the weekend I'll stretch to planting out some Busy Lizzies in a window box and do a bit of writing with my fountain pen and weird pink ink......however once I'm through this toxic treatment pips will be squeezed at a rate of knots, so everybody duck as they'll will be flying all over the place!

    Linda xxx

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    1. Hey, don't shower me with pips, ha ha. Good luck with the chemo.

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  14. Read blogs, check e-mails, learn some German, crochet, read, watch TV, eat supper, sleep, cat walk, hoe back garden, sweep path, bread make, kitchen tidy, evening meal prep, crochet, learn some German, make lunch, Charity Shop volunteer, cat walk, make tea, bath, blog.
    Today I danced and fed the seagulls.
    xx

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  15. Goodness Ilona, what a timely post this is. I will be 57 in September and technically can take early retirement. However, I got divorced after my husband left me after 26 years of marriage. I am not at all sad about that as I couldn't stand him at the end and was glad he left, BUT buying him out of the house to keep my kids in their home meant a new mortgage for me at age 53. I love my home and its location and am happy in my little village so there is no question of my moving. However, I spend 90 minutes morning AND night getting to and from work and while I read on the bus both ways I have to admit I am tired. SOOOOO I have been doing my sums and could comfortably work 80%. I have looked at my pension between the ages of 57 and 65, both at 100% and 80%, and looking at what it would do to my pension to take a lump sum to pay off my mortgage and you know what, it is doable! If I stay at 100% I can have it paid off at 62. If I go 80% I could still go at 62 but with a much reduced pension. However, since losing my other half I have complete control of my own money (he spent us into terrible debt and in France I was responsible for it as his spouse), BUT I know I can do this. My big thing is taking the leap. If I do it will be from October this year but ..... oh man, I wish I wasn't a Libran!! Anna

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    1. Hello Anna. Your comment made me smile. It sounds like you are working things out. My mortgage was supposed to run till I was 73, but I managed to save up and pay it off early, even on a pension. I didn't have to take a leap, it was like me jumping for joy, YAY, I'M FREE.

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    2. Anna, I have been where you were. It's still difficult but you will get there in the end. I was more than fair to my ex who handing over half when he had contributed little financially or practically but I didn't want to fight or prolong the agony. I just wanted to move on with life for my children and I and I did. I won't be able to retire until I am well into my 60s but I work less hours these days. I wish you luck making the right decision for you!

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    3. Thank you so much for your encouragement. Strangely enough there are quite a few of us who are or have been in this boat. I paid ALL of HIS lawyer's bills, notary's bills etc. (and his rent for 11 months) just to get rid of him. Added it to my mortgage but as I said it was worth it just to be shot of him, even though he has more money than me. I think if I can just get round the tiredness I can stick it out for a few more years and retire comfortably at 62. But darn it, like I said, I wish I wasn't a Libran weighing up everything over and over again! Still it's good to know others have made it through. And thanks again for your encouragement. Anna

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  16. today is my last day of working before the long weekend. we are packed ready to drive over to Clitheroe for a cycle touring festival. Not the Tour of Yorkshire - we will be in Lanchashire. Really looking forward to it.

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  17. No, you shouldn't be wishing your life away as you never know what's around the corner.

    Joan (Wales)

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  18. Hello,such a thoughtful post today.As you do,I choose to live in the moment and not project too far ahead.I totally agree that time moves far too quickly as we are older.I'm like other commenters, grateful for every day,even the mundane in life.It's very important to me to live consciously and not get caught up in the madness.Some of my days are a whirlwind, some are very peaceful and contemplative,some busy busy busy,some balanced and content, some moody and off,all of it embraced by me;whatever turn they might take. Life is beautiful and I love living.It's very simple for me when I remember that every day.As for future dreams and plans and somedays, they may or may not come, but I will never ever blank out the in between.Bye for now, D.

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    1. You always write a lot of sense, Destemona, I like reading your comments.

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    2. Hi, Ilona and thank you for saying so.I am amazed that with all that you accomplish you still make time to write and photograph and share and inspire.That's a rare gift.Regards,D.

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  19. With the bankholiday coming up I will be busy house cleaning as we`re going to have visitors. Then I shall give my friend and neighbour a hand in running her lawnmower across her garden (as she has ill health and isn`t physically up to this). Then I shall prepare a nice soup for Saturday lunch (to share with our visitor) and DB is going to make his famous Lamb and cabbage Curry for Saturday dinner (prepared a day in advance to enhance the flavours). Not sure how I spend the rest of tomorrow yet, but there is always a spot of plant potting on I have to catch up on as well. Our visitor is with us until Sunday eve. And then we shall have little Alyssa with us on Monday. Hoping for some much needed warm weather as we had a BBQ planned for that day. If it`s a wet day we shall grill food indoors and still enjoy ourselves. Back to work on Tuesday, when DB is travelling to Cambridgeshire to see his other granddaughter. He`ll be gone then for a week and I shall have plenty to occupy my time until his return. I have my time mapped out but will also take a minute or two to reflect now and again, enjoying a cuppa and some
    me-time.

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    1. Hi Sarina. Sounds like you have a busy weekend ahead with your friends and family.

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  20. I will spend most of the day with my 90-year-old mom who has very poor eyesight but is otherwise healthy and still lives in her own home. We will do mundane things like grocery shopping, the home improvement store and the drugstore, but we will just enjoy being together. I'll help her around the house and she'll probably make lunch.

    At home I'll do some reading of a library book (a memoir) and practice my French using an online app.

    And of course I'll cuddle my sweet cat.

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  21. Great post! Made me thinking... how many things I take for granted...
    Have a beautiful, colourful May 1st!

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  22. My next 24 hours - well I am late reading so next 12 hours will finishing off my LAST assignment of the year (Open University). This is 50% of my overall marks so it is important and want it to be the best I can do. Once its done it will be a weight off my shoulders and can concentrate on other things I have neglected. Debbie.

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  23. A brilliant thought provoking post and yes don't ever wish your life away. Have spent the last two days visiting my lovely husband in hospital after he was rushed in with cellulitis. This was a total shock as we are both fit and healthy people. Its all been very stressful but hopefully he'll be home later today. Kristel

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  24. Today is Sunday here in NZ... I have had a very busy couple of days, I work as a Support worker... mostly supporting the elderly in their own homes. I love my job if it means I can make someones life worth living. Today, being my day off, I will pull some weeds in my garden, boy there are more than a few, I might make a huge pot of chicken stock for the freezer for soups and gravies during the weeks to come, I expect I will be doing some washing .... my washing machine at the moment is outside in the garden plumbed into the cold tap for the hose... covered in a tarp when not in use....we are doing the laundry up. I have finished the painting for that room just waiting for the tiles to go down. And I will spend an inordinate amount of time petting my darling cats...all four of them... all strays and all beautiful, gentle loving boys. I love your posts Ilona, I read all the time, very thoughtful and always interesting. Why wish your life away.... it flies by fast enough at the best of times!!

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