Mid sixties skinny bird, not much on top but great legs and a cranky SOH, WLTM younger guy with loads of dosh and big house. Must have a fit body, hair and teeth, and not stink of fag smoke or sweaty armpits. Call me now on a premium rate number, which will take you through an extensive menu and cost you loadsa money before you actually get to speak to me.
Just made that up, do you think it will bring any enquiries ha ha ;o) I've been trawling through the dating pages in a posh newspaper, maybe there is someone out there who just fits my criteria. Let's have a look. You've got to read between the lines with these adverts, it's a sort of cryptic language.
This one might be promising. Male 54 seeks curvy feminine female, 65 - 75 for romantic times. I think that means, I fancy a romp with a pair of large bazookas. Oooops, that's me out then. What about a 74 year old gent who likes caravanning, looking for large build lady for fun. Nope, a bit too old for me, and I'm not willing to put on a couple of stone for anyone.
Hey, here's a cheeky chappie, M 75 looking for F 35 - 55, for loving relationship. I bet you are matey, looking for a bit of eye candy more like, someone you can show off to your mates down the pub. On yer bike, I am not travelling 150 miles for a bit of fun, unless of course you are a multi millionaire.
Here's a good one, I might apply to this. M 38 likes pubs and clubs, WLTM F, no specifications, wonder if he would warm to a cheeky bint who could bop the night away, and maybe take a walk in the moonlight along a sandy beach and watch the sun come up. Ha ha.
Solvent, now that's a word which makes me read more. He is retired, 68, 5'4", and likes golf. Hmmmm, maybe not, I don't want to peer at the top of his head, and golf looks sooo boring. Oh well, let's take another look.
Oooh, here's one, this sounds like a possible. M young 60, artist, zany SOH, WLTM lady 50 creative and positive. Wow, that sounds like me. Wonder if he would settle for a young 66 year old going on 16. Oh dear, maybe not, he lives in Scotland, maybe a non starter, it's a long way to go, would cost a lot of money in petrol.
What about this one, Attractive M 72, tactile and romantic, seeks attractive warm hearted woman. Oh yes, I've read about you types before. Tactile means touching doesn't it. Well sunshine, I've got news for you, you aren't getting your mitts within half a mile of me.
Moving on, someone wants a female to accompany him to football matches. I went to a football match once, not really my bag. Next, Graduate, retired school teacher, 73, looking for F 40 - 70. Another one who would gleefully date someone who is 33 years younger than himself. No wont bother, 73 is too old for me.
What is it with these blokes, they are looking for younger, elegant, attractive, successful, friendly, stylish, and professional women. Maybe I ought to try the adverts in the red top papers, ha ha.
I give up, I'm staying as I am. Can't be bothered to start all that dating Mullarkey at my age. Not going to be washing anyone else's underpants, cleaning stray whiskers out of the sink, not cleaning someone else's tide mark from around the bath, not going to football matches, not playing golf, not going to get a tele, and not going pubbing and clubbing. I am happy with my male friends, they go back to their own homes every night. Me very happy with that arrangement, no need to change things.
Thanks for popping in. Catch up soon. Toodle pip