Relationships are very strange, aren't they. Most people have to belong somewhere, whether it be with a small group or a large group. Face to face, or virtually online. Friendships might progress into something more solid, or maybe fizzle out into nothingness.
Clinging on to a relationship, or a friendship, which isn't working can be folly. Best to let go and move on. Three score years and ten is not long to be on this earth in the grand scheme of things. To be in a place which doesn't feel right, is a good enough excuse to do something about it.
If you need support, you can cling on to whoever or whatever will provide it. Then you feel safe. You have a cushion to fall against to soften the blow. If you are brave enough to go it alone then you have the confidence and tenacity to face up to the truth, and that is, life has a beginning, a middle, and an end.
What we do in the middle of it can have repercussions either way. If we hand over our lives to others then we are reliant on them for our happiness. When influences become too loud, then we tend to cave in and follow. Go with the flow because it feels safe. Perhaps going in the direction of my friends is a safe bet. Maybe I will follow. Or maybe I won't.
But then there are compromises. How much of your own life will you compromise for the benefit of others, and to the detriment of your own? Why not be a leader, instead of a follower. Then you keep your integrity intact. Others may stumble, maybe you won't. With clearly defined goals you build your own future. You get to choose which way next.
My first coffee at 6am. I shared my bed with two cats. Oscar has decided he rather likes the soft comfort of two duvets, so now he joins me and Mickey and we sleep together. I think he is fed up of waiting for me to get up in the mornings. I see it rained overnight, so that's probably why. A night on the tiles is not so appealing when it is chucking it down with rain. I thought I might water up (the pots) last night, glad I didn't bother. Nature has done the job for me.
I wake up with all kinds of thoughts running through my head. Some of them would make good blog posts, but an hour later they have fizzled into oblivion. I will however jot down a few notes from what I remember about my early morning thoughts this morning.
Problem solving is something I have always been able to cope with. I have never been really stuck for long. There is always a way round a problem. I can think of several instances where I have felt there is no solution. But I am often proved wrong.
Like the time I got the lorry stuck in a small space in an unloading bay at a Kwik Save shop. I must have done a 20 point shunt trying to get out. I thought about ringing my boss and asking what I should do. I took a few deep breaths and thought, that's a daft idea. He was 100 miles away, I have got to sort this out myself, and I did. Just keep trying, don't give up.
Like the time I was in a yard in Birmingham, just loaded up some pieces of machinery on a stepframe trailer, inside a Lucas factory. All fastened down with chains and straps. Pulled very slowly through a narrow gate onto the road. Two tall pieces of machinery wobbled and crashed to the ground. A big pool of oil covered the road, which had to be closed. It was a bus route which added to the problem. So what did I do wrong? Every day driving a truck is a learning curve. I was rushed to get my trailer loaded because there were others waiting to go in after me. The crew loading with the crane wanted the job done quickly. I was inexperienced. What I learnt then was I had to work at my own pace.
Like the time I thought I might be pregnant, I was 19. I took a chance, thankfully I wasn't. My solution was to never take that chance again. After a long time taking the contraceptive pill, I needed to find a different solution, and so I was sterilised.
Like the time I got tangled up with someone who was a control freak. He wanted to dominate my every waking moment. The questions, the interrogations, were intolerable. The solution, I had to finish it after a couple of years. Enough was enough.
Like the time I was doing long seven day hikes. Halfway through a walk I stopped in a town and found a B & B. I was knackered and needed to take half a day off. Or, the time I was on the last day and wanted to reach my destination. I could see the Humber Bridge on the horizon hours before I got there. I kept going even though I was at the point of collapse. I made it. From Selby to the bridge was 30 miles. Finished at 9pm. 14 hours of walking. The solution, keep going.
Like the time I wanted to go to Moscow. I asked my friends if they wanted to come with me. This was years ago when it seemed a silly place to go on holiday. My solution, I went alone, joined a package holiday. It was fascinating.
Like the time I bought my first house. Small terraced cottage. It needed a lot of work doing to it. For a while I lived in dust, bare walls, and no floor, while the work was done. It took all my money. Skint again when I bought my second house. Three bed semi detached. Needed work doing but I couldn't afford it so I lived in it as it was. Third house. Skint again. Moved 100 miles away. Better house I can live with the decor of the previous owner. Still here 25 years later, still not decorated. Now not skint.
Finding a way through all the obstacles in life has not dampened my spirits. There will always be a solution. Other people may deal with their problems in their own way. There is not one solution that fits all.
People sometimes start a sentence with 'why don't you bla bla bla'. Just because one person finds a solution to their own problem does not mean that the same solution will apply to others. Everyone has to find their own way in life. Just make sure you are going in the right direction.
Now it's chucking it down with rain. I shall go and join my friends at the Coffee Morning.
I am trying not to be negative about this event. North Lincolnshire Council are pushing this solution to make our streets safer at night. For those who are afraid to go out in the dark, this protest/demonstration is supposed to send a message that women are safe in our town.
So now we are expected to move about in groups, safety in numbers. We are safer together. I see this as a sticking plaster to patch things up. It doesn't address the core problem, which is that the Government are welcoming people from all parts of the world to come here. British women and girls have to learn how to live our lives with certain restrictions, while others can do exactly as they please.
So what will happen after this event? Nothing. Will men start behaving themselves? Nope. They are programmed to procreate, it's in their psyche. Not all, but a lot go through the phase of sowing their wild oats. I could write a whole book on the subject, but I am off to Coffee Morning now.
It's the power of wanting a 'saviour' instead of looking in the mirror where the 'saviour' looks back at you. It works on so many levels and that's how they ensnare the populous. YOU are the answer - not these Cult gofers of ALL parties.
He is right of course. The endless twists and turns in the official. and the unofficial narrative, are mind numbing. Every search for an answer to the question, 'what next', leads to the same dead end. The road to nowhere.
You can worship, you can pray, you can wait for someone to come and save you, but ultimately it is the power you have inside you which, if unleashed, will give you immense satisfaction.
So many people are hooked into a system that is detrimental to a free and happy life. All because they are searching for guidance. All because they don't want to be alone, don't want to feel left out. If you look inward the answers are there.
Troubled minds fester, they will never be free. To achieve peace you have to let go, you have to break out of your prison. 'They', the cult, are intent on taking away our freedom. 'They' want an easy passage to world domination. Let them try, then don't let them.
Good morning. It is Wednesday and I am off to Coffee Morning shortly.
I use my computer mainly for educational purposes, because there is always something new to learn. I cannot sit in front of a screen and be drawn in by banal celebrity entertainment. I used to watch soaps, and anything else which gave me a reminder that someone else was in the room, even though it was a face on a screen. It was company for a while.
One day it suddenly came to me. My life was being taken over. It got me thinking outside the box. What is the point of watching soaps, quiz shows, celebrity shenanigans and suchlike. I asked myself, when did watching television stop becoming entertaining? When I realised that all I was doing was watching other people working.
I had enough drama, entertainment, and fun, in my real life. I don't need to watch other people earning a crust. They go to work, learn a script, then perform in front of a camera. Yeah there might have been one or two documentaries thrown into the mix, but they were few and far between. Not worth paying for the licence to watch them. So 25 years ago I got rid of the tele and stopped paying the licence fee.
So what do I do now? I find useful stuff on the internet which interests me.
I came across Chase Hughes.
Chase Hughes is the founder and CEO of Applied Behavior Research, a leading expert in the field of human behavioral science, and a neuroscientist. After serving in the U.S. Navy for 20 years, Chase developed world-class behavior science tools, such as rapid behavior profiling and enhanced persuasion techniques, which he teaches to the United States military, law enforcement, Fortune-500 CEOs, doctors, attorneys, executives, and intelligence organizations.
We discuss: how to reprogram your mind and take back control of your life, why being comfortable is the gateway to self-sabotage, how to shift your relationship with discomfort, the blueprint for rewiring your dopamine system, why people stay stuck and how actually to break free, how to become more emotionally resilient. Read the Wellness disclaimer.
This is an interview he did with Doug Bopst. There was such a lot in this video which resonated with me. Parking it here because I need to watch it again and make notes.
Now I am off to Coffee Morning.
Thanks for popping in. Catch ya later. Toodle pip. ilona
Ten hours into 2026. I was asleep in bed before the clock struck midnight.
This was my grandparents house, where they brought up five children. I spent the summer holidays in this cottage in the middle of the countryside surrounded by fields and farms. The freedom I had then is still in my heart and in my mind. It will not be silenced.
There will always be changes throughout our lives, and we have to adapt to them. Nothing stands still. Some of the changes being thrust upon us at the moment, will not be to our liking, so we have to find ways of navigating through them. This can only come about by taking responsibility for our own lives.
I will continue to do this throughout 2026.
I hope my health holds out, both physically and mentally. The only way this can happen is if I am happy in my own skin. If I can ride the storm, and win the game, I will smile. If I cock up there is only me to blame.
Make your own plan dear reader. You can't change how others react, what they do, what they say, but you can change how you deal with it.
I wish everyone a happy and fulfilling, and prosperous 2026.
I had a troubled night last night. Bed at eleven. Still awake at 1am. Sleep for an hour. Awake at 2am. Get up at 3am. Make a drink of hot chocolate. Crank up the computer, sit reading. Back to bed at 3am. Sleep till 7am.
This was triggered by a phone call I made. It's a long story and I am not going to go into any detail here, but I thought it was time to get things out in the open. I made the first move. Initially I was shocked at the response I got. I was ready to give up within the first few minutes of the conversation. I stuck with it and let the person rant. I was being accused of something which was not of my making.
I choose not to argue with people. I listen and process the information. In a calm and collected way I state my case, then they can decide what their next move is to be.
Eventually things calmed down and the conversation took a different direction. It will never be fully resolved, we have to live with our differences.
I know I am a deep thinker, people say I over think things, but I feel that is better than diving into a situation with all guns blazing. I am happy that I can walk away from conflict with my integrity intact. It's not about winning or losing. Everyone is on a different journey, and must navigate their own way through life.
Good morning. I've been thinking about this for a long time. If they are going to welcome people from all around the world to land on our shores, put them up in hotels, give them three meals a day, give them cash to spend, give them a phone, why would you then ship them back out to where they came from. It's not going to happen.
Accepting immigrants is a long term arrangement. They say we need more younger people to do the work, pay taxes, to pay the pensions of older people. But our new guests are not allowed to work, so what are they supposed to do all day? Why would you want to work anyway when you get everything free.
So, there are thousands of young men wandering the streets with no ambition to do anything, no prospects to better themselves, and no inclination to integrate into our British ways.
But there is one way that these young men can ensure that their position to stay in the UK is guaranteed. All men need sex. They all have sexual urges. I know that is a sweeping statement, and yes there will be some who can control themselves. But there will be a lot who cannot. So what do they do? Strike up relationships with each other, or take the obvious route and chat up younger naive girls. To guarantee a permanent home in the UK they just have to get a girl pregnant. So obvious.
I have a video uploading. It will appear later today.
Britain’s prisons are being overrun by Islamist gangs.
Self-styled ‘Muslim Brotherhood’ leaders control wings in many high-security prisons.
And instead of isolating them, the system is protecting them - not officers or the public.
Someone asked me what I would do about the boat people problem. Read this thread from Robert Jenrick and choose the answer which suits you best.
Good morning. As much as I dislike facebuck, my fingers quickly scroll past the dross, there are a few short video clips which prompt me to hesitate for a minute. They are the ones which trigger my sentimental slushy side. Some of them are about animals. Sean and his sheepdog Kate. The beautiful partnership between man and dog. Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre in Dorset. Frannie and Gracie, the two little dogs who run out to greet Dan the Postman when he arrives.
Now we have surprise reunions. Those returning to their families after long periods away. Lots of emotional scenes. I blub every time one of these appear on my screen.
I watched live last night as the spacex crew returned to planet earth. The parachutes opening, first two, then four. The gentle drop into the ocean. The rescue boats coming out to meet them. The dolphins cavorting in the sea, curious about what is happening in their territory. The hauling of the capsule onto the deck, and the securing down. Then the opening of the hatch and the four were helped out.
Welcome home.
Now to get ready for Coffee Morning. Have a good day. Toodle pip. ilona
Good morning. Crafty Club was a good laugh yesterday. It was Pat's birthday so we celebrated with cake. She was over the moon with her lovely gifts.
I took along my ongoing project, covering the gilet with scraps of fabric. You can see the progress by comparing the two photographs. I have decided not to cover the whole thing with patchwork. I shall stop just below the armpits, then find one large piece of fabric to cover the rest of it, carrying on with the stitching right to the top.
I have copied some old photographs. I worked on Blackpool Pleasure Beach. when I was 19 - 20 - 21.
My younger brother Stephen. I think this was the last time I saw him. He moved to India and came back for a visit.
Me and the boyfriend camping. We had a tent in the back. He didn't like camping so we went in hotels after one night.
We toured the south of England. The Eden Project was interesting. About 23 years ago.
Also went to London. Inside a pod at the London Eye.
Then we went to the USA, three times. The upside down house. Orlando I think, can't remember.
I have a lot of good memories, they far outweigh the bad ones. One has to carry on. I am in contact with a boyfriend from way back, 45 years or thereabouts. I remember some of that, it was about the time I was driving buses. I have photographs of him which I won't post on here. I like that someone remembers me from many years ago.
Thanks for popping in. We'll catch up soon. Toodle pip. ilona
Good evening. Here is a little something I knocked up earlier. Off the top of my head, an opinion. Who influences you? Where do you look for inspiration? If the answers are nobody, and nowhere, good for you. You have the confidence and the tenacity to solve your own problems, and to make your own plans.
It has been a wet and foggy day today. A Billy dog walk was all I managed.
Good morning. I deleted most of the comments on the Book post. It ended up a mess of complainers and nit pickers who were there to just have a go at me. There was very little substance to constitute a meaningful conversation.
This comment came in overnight 28/29th, and I will copy it here so I can reply.
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So good to see people being open about this . I was bullied and tormented verbally and physically at school. I would like to think that young transgender people no longer have to suffer this cruelty . About time people were more understanding and accepting of the fact that some people are born different. Your comment about “ muddled bureaucrats “ tells me you’re not a very tolerant person about this . We exist , we are here , we have always been here.
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They, I will use the word they because they have not indicated whether they are male or female. They say I am not a very tolerant person about this. This is your opinion when you know very little about me. This is misinformation. I am very tolerant of people who are searching to establish their own identity. I myself had similar struggles when I was growing up. I felt more like a boy, than a girl. I mixed with boys, I was not a girly girl. Back in the 50's/60's I was classed as a Tomboy.
There are many definitions of born different. It could be something about a physical appearance being not quite as expected, or about the way someone perceives their differences, which is transmitted through their thought processes. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder as the saying goes.
I was an ugly child, or so I thought. I went through agonies trying to be normal, to fit in. Why am I a skinny bean pole with sticking out teeth, flat chested with no tits. Why could I not see properly without looking through an ugly pair of national health specs. Why wasn't I pretty like my sister. Why did people poke fun at me saying I could eat lettuce through a wire netting. Why was I called four eyes. I tried so hard to manage without my glasses. Bullying goes on in schools, only then I had to put up with it. Nothing could be done to change how I saw myself. It wasn't until much later in life that I came to terms with it.
Now of course things are different. They are telling kids they can change from a boy to a girl and vice versa. They are pushing the gender ideology idea. Starting them on puberty blockers and ending up with chopping bits off boys, and girls. Once gone there is no going back. It is a dangerous slippery slope.
Just to make myself clear. I have no problem with cross dressing or transgender. People can present themselves as they like. I know about anomalies at birth, it is not always apparent which gender a baby is because of defects in their genitalia. There are cases of parents being pushed in one direction or another, and mistakes have been made. I am of the opinion that at such an early stage in the babies life it is impossible to determine how it should be brought up.
I am darting about here, so many thoughts on this subject.
Adults can decide how they want to present themselves. Their personality and inner feelings can influence how they dress. It is their right to wear whatever clothes they feel comfortable with. It is not ok however to bully other people into accepting their choices.
Years ago I founded and ran the Lady Truckers Club. A support network for women in transport. I was asked if a transgender woman could join. Yes, it was a thing way back in the eighties. I said, yes, that's fine.
I used to go to a lot of cat shows with my stall selling my wares. There was a couple who attended regularly, he was dressed in women's clothes. Perfectly fine, it's nice to know he had his wife's support.
About a year ago I was walking somewhere in Derbyshire, near Chesterfield I remember. I was on the canal towpath and stopped to get an ice cream. A couple were sat on a picnic bench outside. It was a sunny day so I struck up a conversation, as I often do. It did not bother me at all that he was dressed as a woman. His wife/friend had made a good job of getting his makeup and hair just right.
In the eighties I met a lot of women who had short cropped hair and wore trousers and boots. They obviously felt more comfortable that way. Transgender works both ways.
So, it grates with me when you say I am not very tolerant.
In the present situation I ask myself the question, why are they pushing gender identity, almost like it's a religion. It all comes down to money, plus there are underlying evil forces at play. Convince a young person that they can be whatever they want to be. They are selling the idea that all will be well if they agree to go along with the treatment. That is as far from the truth as you can get. Puberty blockers radical surgery to alter the bits that are not in line with their mental thinking, and the pharmaceuticals have a customer for life. They will be on medication forever. Do they mention that.
Evil forces, what is that. They, the rich, are destroying family units. They create a problem. Born in the wrong body. Reaction, oh but we can change that for you. Solution take these pills, they will pickle your brain and send you on your way to the operating table. You won't be able to have children, no penis no sperm, but don't worry we have sperm banks. We will create a vagina for you so you can have sex, but it won't be very enjoyable because the scar tissue will deaden any feelings down there.
Girls changing to boys will fare a bit better. They still get the blockers, but their surgery can be a personal choice. Get your boobs lopped off and you won't be able to breast feed babies. If you are really serious about becoming a boy don't worry, we can build you a penis. We will slice the skin off between your legs at the top of your thighs and roll it into a sausage. We will connect your urethra so you can pee, but you will never get an erection, and you won't become a father. If you have kept your lady bits you might find a way to become pregnant but that will depend on finding a doctor to help you with the mechanics of that.
See how all this can spiral out of control. And it all starts with telling children they can change gender. The grim reality is that this dystopian nightmare is only one of a few steps away from destroying human life as we know it. Messing with nature, interventions with drugs and surgery will bring about the changes that are not in our best interests. The only benefits will be those who are rich will get richer.
In the last few years, and even before that, there has been a pattern emerging. It is like a tsunami that cannot be stopped. Everything that happens is linked to the bigger plan.
The realities of changing gender should be discussed openly. Videos like this one below should be shown in schools. There are many more like this. Stories of those who went along with it and now regret the damage they have inflicted on their bodies.
OK, so I am watching a load of transgender videos to get a better understanding of the issues facing people who transition and de-transition. Adults can do what they like. My concerns are about the children who are being pushed into something they don't fully understand.
Another video. Listen to the mother's story. It's heartbreaking. Her daughter threw herself under a train.
197,540 viewsPremiered on 23 Mar 2022
Abby Martinez lost custody of her daughter Yaeli to the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services because Martinez did not fully support her daughter “transitioning” to a boy. Yaeli changed her name to Andrew and began taking cross-sex hormones, but still struggled with depression. At 19, Yaeli took her own life. Martinez says DCFS took her daughter from her.Here is another video.
Gender-Affirming Care Turns Kids Into Lifelong Patients: Dr. Miriam Grossman
Publicity shots in France with Sir Alistair Morton on the Eurostar.
Time for a break in my truck
Guided tour of Barcelona Football Stadium
My 60th Birthday showing my first bus pass
Makeover for Chat Magazine
Trying out some roller blades I bought from a car boot sale
A walk over the Humber Bridge
Late evening charity walk for a Hospice.
Who am I ?
A retired lorry driver who is trying to keep my life normal, while those all around me are losing their minds. This is my diary. What I do and what I think about. You are welcome to read it. Toodle pip.
