Looking outward and inward

 I've been thinking about how I have arrived at this point in my life, and the road I took to get here. We can look backwards, but it is devilishly difficult to look forward. No one knows what the future may hold, we can only draw on our past experiences to guide us. 

I very much disliked school. Having to go every day when most of the subjects taught did not interest me. Sitting on a chair between rows of desks, and listening to the teacher at the front did not capture my imagination. The only lessons I liked was Domestic Science, the cooking side of things not the kitchen cleaning, Sewing, embroidery and dressmaking, and art, painting although I was not very good at it. The practical lessons where I could move around were much more engaging to my mind. 

When it came to leaving school, I rejoiced. Ran out of the gates one last time laughing, with my friend Celia, who was a rebel just like me. Celia went on to get married and have children, unlike me who by the age of 15 had decided that was not my ambition in life. 

Going to work in a shop was a lot more preferable than extending my studies to gain qualifications, in the hope I might find a better job. Working in a shop was fun because I enjoyed meeting people. I moved to working in a factory, it wasn't as enjoyable. 

Freedom to move about took me to Blackpool, where I stayed for three and a half years. I found a bedsit, found a job on the Pleasure Beach, and had a good social life. 

I have moved jobs many times. I become bored with repetition and want to explore new opportunities. So when I found lorry driving that suited me down to the ground. Staying single and not being tied to a partner goes hand in hand with trucking the length and breadth of of the UK. Some European driving was thrown in the mix, which made it all the more exciting. Again, once I had learnt a job, and it became repetitive, delivering to the same places, the same vehicles, and the same loads, I became bored. And so I moved on. I had a thirst for anything which got me out on the road. Driving was all I lived for. 

There was a certain amount of freedom when I was driving, the load had to be delivered, there were timetables to keep to, but the bits in between meant that I got to choose the routes that I took and where I stopped for a break, and where I parked up overnight. I could put up with the deadlines. That was the trade off to enjoy the freedom of the road. I liked the responsibility of being in charge of a 40 tonne artic, and in one job for three years I was piloting a vehicle with a gross weight of 80 tonnes. 

My enthusiasm started waning when the UK entered the EU in a big way. New rules and regulations were pouring in from Brussels. I had to watch a training video on how to couple and uncouple a trailer, after I had done that thousands of times before. I couldn't see the sense of it. Don't get me wrong I am all for education, I have always wanted to better my driving qualifications, but to treat us like children annoyed me. 

I stuck with my last job for seven years, because I had a mortgage to pay for. It was repetitive and boring, but the bonus was I knew the hours I was going to work, I was not pushed to hurry up and break speed limits, and they had a fleet of brand new Volvo's. It meant I could relax a little, without pressures. 

Many times I said I would never give up driving a lorry. As long as I could get into the cab I would carry on till I dropped. By the time I reached 60 I was ready to go. From that moment on I knew I could reclaim my freedom to do whatever I liked. I have never worked just for the money, and I emphasise that. As long as I have enough is fine by me. I have never been trapped in a job I did not like, I have always moved on. 

All this was a blue print that has moulded me into the person I am now. And so it goes full circle. This is why I will not go along with what is expected of me. A good life for me is taking responsibility for myself. This is why I look for new challenges, new experiences. At my funeral they will play the Sinatra song, 'I did it my way'. Because I have. 

Thanks for popping in. I wish you a long and healthy and happy life. Look after yourself. 

Toodle pip.   ilona