Not old enough for this

I have in front of me details of a special offer that is hard to refuse, well actually I lie, it is going to be very easy for me to toss this leaflet in the bin and say no thanks.

Apparently I should feel priviledged to receive this offer. As a past subscriber to Saga Magazine it has been noticed that I no longer receive it, as my subscription ran out at the end of last year. And now this lovely lady editor wants to welcome me back with open arms.

What they don't know is that I didn't pay for my last subscription, it was a gift from my Uncle Stan. When it first started to plop through my letter box, I thought, oh goodeee it's free, something to browse while I eat my bran flakes in the morning. There were some interesting interviews, but by about the six months mark, it started to lose it's appeal.

The blurb on this leaflet says, and I quote, 'A GREAT READ. 180 pages a month of award winning money advice, excellent health writing, beautiful gardening and interiors, feisty opinions, and fun interviews'. Let's look at these USP's one at a time.

Award winning money advice. Yes, there is lots of information, but it's for people who already have a lot of money, investments, private pensions, rental properties, savings, who shall I leave it to, etc. There is nothing for people who have to manage on a low income, with no savings, so not really relevant to me.

Excellent health writing. All well and good if you are unlucky enough to be of not very good health, you might like to read up about your particular condition. But of very little interest if you have a good all round general knowledge of what you should be doing to look after yourself. I suppose hypochondriacs might find this interesting to read though.

Beautiful gardening. The magazine caters very well for people who spend shed loads down at the garden centre on a Sunday afternoon, buying all they need to replicate a show garden they have seen at the Chelsea Flower Show. There is nothing for people who have to scrounge, beg, make, buy second hand, borrow, everything that goes into keeping their garden tidy.

Beautiful interiors. The magazine is fine for people who browse the furniture stores or diy shops, or hire a professional to redesign their lounge after watching Grand Designs. It's full of expensive furniture, accessories, and home decorating ideas. There is nothing for me, who will have to make all the second hand furniture I own, last untill I die. Not that I am complaining about that, I can't see the point of relacing something which still has a lot of life left in it, just because it is out of fashion.

Feisty interviews and fun opinions. Well, yes there are a few of those, but not enough to make me want another years subscription. I can get all that from the radio, much better when it is in the spoken word.

Mainly the magazine is full of adverts for appliances to make ones later years more tolerable. No I don't need a chair that launches me into space at the press of a button. No, I can get in and out of the bath by myself, thanks, and I can still climb the stairs. I'm not ready for a motorbility scooter yet, and I don't need any accessories to ensure the comfort of my nether regions either. And while I am at it, I don't wish to go on holiday with a lot of oldies who enjoy being ferried around in a coach visiting stately homes, and who get put up in friendly seaside boarding houses, with a good singsong around the piano for entertainment. Each to their own but it is not me.

I think you have guessed by now that I am too young to read Saga Magazine, so I will not be sending £5.99 (50p a month) for one year, or £9.99 (41p a month) for two years. I don't want my recycling cupboard cluttered up with it ;O)