Once a bridesmaid never a bride.

Good morning. 

I don't have many old photo's. When I was a bridesmaid at my best friend Carol's wedding, she had a professional photographer, so I ordered a set of photographs. I'm trying to remember what year that was. I think we were in our early twenties when the wedding took place. 

As time went on I was often asked 'are you courting', as it was expected that everyone did find a partner with the intention of producing little sproglettes. Another question that cropped up on a regular basis was, 'are you married yet'. 

Boyfriends came, and they went, but there was never the right one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The term 'settle down' was often bandied about, as if that was the only option and everyone would get sucked into it at some point in their life. 

Oh, I thought about it, should I or shouldn't I? Settle down, oh no, I don't fancy that at all. An awful thought. Settle down and be legally chained to someone I didn't love. They say you can grow to love someone, but if there isn't that spark there right from the start there is no point in hoping and praying that it might work, when there is obviously a mismatch going on. 

And so life went on, with no obvious suitor on the scene. Besides I was busy working. Trying new jobs, and moving about. 

After a while I realised that I might never get married. I had two proposals, which weren't quite right so I had to end them. For their sakes, not mine. I wasn't right for them. They were kind and deserved someone better.  

I had two disastrous relationships which might have lead to something permanent, but I was not prepared to suffer being bullied. They had to go. 

I now know that I was never meant to be married. It was never in me. A feeling I had right from being a teenager. I always knew I wouldn't have children. 

Some might think I am a lonely old spinster, a batty old woman, they are so wrong on that score. I weathered the storms, and made my choices. If something doesn't feel right then it isn't right. 

Now I am off to Coffee Morning to chat with friends. 

I wish you a happy Wednesday. Toodle pip.   ilona