Monday, 30 January 2017

It should get better.

Hello. Thank you everyone for your kind and thoughtful comments. It's a great comfort to me that I have so many understanding readers. I am grateful for your support, through the good times and the sad times. There is now a big empty table in front of me, and a sadness in my heart which I hope will ease as time goes on. Some things we have no control over, life changes all the time, and all we can do is get used to new situations. 
Garcia comes every morning, he is waiting at the back door and comes into the kitchen and jumps on the worktop looking for food. He is in his own house overnight, but is let out when everyone goes to work, so he comes straight round here. This morning he didn't find any food in the kitchen so he did what he normally does, comes into the living room and jumps on the table to finish off Bugsy's food. He looked a bit confused,  nothing there, everything gone. I have a few sachets left so I opened one for him. Then he settled down on the easy chair next to the table. He is gone now, back home for the night. His owners know he comes here, they don't mind, he commutes between the two of us. 
Here are a couple of pictures that I was going to post yesterday. This little bag is a smaller version of a shopping bag. Inside is Helen's birthday present. I thought it would be better than wrapping it in paper which would be thrown away. The bag can be used again. The gift tag is cut from an old greetings card. 
The band that played at the party on Saturday night. They were very good and everyone was up dancing, including me.

Today I've been keeping myself busy. I woke up at 5am, and made a coffee and went back to bed. I am half way through reading a book which is quite good. It's a true story about a man who gave up his job to travel the world.

Before breakfast I finished off sewing three more shopping bags. I went to Crafty Club this morning. Not many of us there, one member is away on holiday, and another is having an operation. We still had a nice chat though.

I did my three mile walk this afternoon. Only one day left of this month. I made a target of 100 miles for January, and I will hit that when I have done the walk tomorrow. I hope you are all doing well. I will post up a list of Walking Group names on Wednesday the 1st of February, then you can post your comments on there, how you have done, and your mileage for January.

I have painted this frame today, it was gold, and didn't really suit the picture. The black frame looks a whole lot better. I love the picture even more.

The best thing for me to do is keep my mind busy. Waves of sadness come from nowhere. It's early days, it should get better. Bugsy is buried wrapped in a piece of patchwork that I made nearly fifty years ago. It has fabric from a couple of dresses I made for myself  in it. A little bit of me has gone with him.

Got to go, crying again. We'll catch up soon.


  1. You have a very kind heart, I feel for your loss. When one of my dogs passed years ago. I just laid out on the grass at the base of the chain link fence where she used to run, Missy. I bawled my eyes out, just tearing up thinking about that. It's been about twenty five years now, and I still miss her sometimes.
    Your bag is lovely, and I like the tag.
    Glad you were out for a bit, and the fr,e looks very good with that print.
    Bless you, hugs!

  2. Dear Ilona I feel for you and wish I could be there to give you a hug x you are a kind and loving person and your pets could not have wished for a happier life xx

  3. The bag is lovely Ilona, and the frame just right. Stay busy my friend, maybe visit a few charity shops slightly further away - see if you find something to divert you for an hour or two, start another project. Glad you have a cheeky friend coming to visit, I bet he was surprised the food had disappeared! Take care, much love, Elainexx

  4. Bless you, Ilona. Garcia recognises your kindheartedness and sensed that you needed a bit of company today. XXX

  5. Bless you Ilona, Bugsy had a long and happy life with you, as do all your pets. It's nice that Garcia knows he gets a warm welcome as well as food when he comes to your house, he clearly feels right at home.

  6. i don't think you ever get over a death,you just learn to live with does get easier to live with but we all know that takes time.chin up,keep walking and stay busy.thinking of you x

  7. Missed yesterdays post, so sorry to hear about Bugsy, 20 years is a long time to have the company of a cat, no wonder you will miss him so much. Made me think of the cats, dog and the goats that we had over the years. Losing a goat that you've sat with and milked twice a day for several years is horrible.
    Take care and keep busy

  8. Hugs to you. You're very kind to Garcia and made such a good home for Bugsy and the rest. Wishing you a peaceful day.

  9. Raymond nicholson30 January 2017 at 22:13

    Grieve not,
    nor speak of me with tears,
    but laugh and talk of me
    as if I were beside you...
    I loved you so -----
    'twas Heaven here with you.

    Isla Paschal Richardson

    1. That's a nice verse Raymond. I'm so glad animals have owners like you Ilona and a good life with you being loved. Xxx

  10. It doesn't go away, but it does get better Ilona, or should I say easier.

    Joan (Wales)

  11. So sorry for your loss. I lost my little dog in November and cry a lot. I understand. You will be in my thoughts.

  12. Ilona, i am sending you healing sparkles although the only cure is time. Our cat went to heaven after 18 years with us, it was five years before we found a new friend, we got our first dog. My husband and I still think of, and talk about, our cat, Sid,and feel so lucky he was with us for so long.

  13. Helen was lucky to get such a nice bag. I love your painting.

    You are a natural with animals and they sense your place is a safe haven. I bet you are known by your neighbours as the lady who walks and who you can count on when it comes to cats or dogs.

    Wish I could come and visit with you over a cup of tea/coffee and give you a hug. Take care.


  14. Just wanted to send along my condolences for the loss of your beloved pet and friend. How lucky that little cat was to have you for his friend and companion all those years. One of my best friends passed away this past year and she loved her animals. We used to tease her that animals everywhere hoped to re-incarnate as one of her pets. I suspect the same is true of you and your pets. Mary Jane in Canada.

  15. Ilona, the honest, insightful way you write about everything, including of course your loved pet companions, speaks to me so deeply. I feel very sad at Bugsy's passing. I'm not much of one for religion, but I think loved animals get another spin on the karmic wheel. I'm pretty sure that my loved tuxedo cat, Loki, is sharing his spirit with another lucky human. It's such a blessing to us that they are willing to put up with us, and try to teach us love and good manners. My heart is with you, Kate in Oregon

  16. I am crying again. Your pets are sooo lucky to have you. They get more than love and care and a full dish.

  17. I am so sorry for your loss. I understand because I went through it recently. May the good Lord comfort you.

  18. Oh Ilona I'm bawling my eyes out too now. I have a 17 year old cat and an 11 year old dog and both of them are getting old and showing their age. This is the HARDEST part of letting these little furry critters into our lives, is the saying goodbye when the time comes. Keep busy, I know it's difficult.


  19. Oh love, it is so hard to lose a loved one. We had a lovely little jack russell called Fudge and she finally went to sleep after 22 years. She was very old and frail in the end but she was so loved.
    That might be a good marketing ploy for when you sell your bags..... Don't use Wrapping paper, pop it in a bag' double the gift and nothing gets wasted.

  20. Hi Ilona sorry to hear of your loss. I couldn't post when you told us as I too have just had 2 losses of dear furry friends. A horse of 28 years last week ,which I bought at 3 weeks old, the time had come to let him sleep in peace, and a constant conpanion of 11 years my little spanial cross jack russel. She suddenly developed problems 2 days before Christmas and with in 3 hours she was gone. It turned out to be an internal tumor that nothing could be done about. I HURTS but is getting better everyday. Hope you are managing and let the tears flow when you need to it really helps.
    I find the furry bodies of my other pets soak them up well and they never pass judgement. Su

  21. Sorry for your loss, its hard to lose a loved pet.

  22. What a beautiful bag, Ilona. Helen will be so thrilled to receive it. Glad to read that you are keeping busy, and that Garcia pops in daily.

    I have grieved more for my dogs - we've not had a cat since we lost little Sophie about fifteen years ago, - than for family members.

    Just you take care, and thank you for sharing Bugsy with us all.

    Love Susan (wife of Edward)

  23. Looks like you're going to have to keep a small stash of food for Garcia! I hope the little chap is being of some comfort as well as chomping leftovers.

    How are Heidi and Mayse? Hope they are being extra attentive.

    It's so lovely to read so many messages of support for you, some made me cry all over again.

    Linda xx

  24. Just found out about Bugsy, so sorry, we love our pets and it hurts when they are no longer physically with us. Hugs and love xxx

  25. Just to let you know, I have a beautiful ginger cat, probably male, started coming in the catflap about 4am and scoffing any food my 2 have left. I think he has a home but, on the cat grapevine, the message must have gone out to say there is always some grub and lots of cosy blankets at my place lol!
    At least the food isn't wasted. xxx

  26. things will get better Ilona but it is understandable to be sad. take time to love yourself a bit

  27. Take your time Ilona. As I've said before the loss of a beloved pet should never be underestimated. I'm glad your managing to keep busy doing positive things. Bugsy had a wonderful life with you and probably wouldn't have reached the age he did if you hadn't rescued him.
    The bag you made for a friend is beautiful and so much nicer than wrapping something in paper. Look after yourself. Kristel

  28. A none animal lover will never understand the way we feel about the loss of a dear friend.....yes that's what they are friends. They come into our lives, snuggle down and think this is nice I'll stay awhile.....of course they know what they are doing they choose wisely. We have a dog, he chose us as he's a very sensitive little soul and needed both of us to look after him....which we do of course. Bugsy chose you Ilona whichever way you look at it he knew exactly what he was doing, he knew he'd be safe and secure with you. Take care of yourself. Rae x

  29. You've made me cry now! : ( Sorry to hear about Bugsy. He gave you the love that you gave him but one thing I know he couldn't have had a better life than what he had with you. He landed on all four paws when you met. Giving my little rescue girl an extra hug tonight. Look after yourself and take time to heal. Louise (from your old town)

  30. Garcia looks so at home♥ Gorgeous bag, very thoughtful as well as practical. Take good care. Linda xx

  31. Garcia reminds me so much of my old cat who died at 19 and a half years old, last year.
    We still miss him.
    Perhaps Garcia can help ease the pain, I hope so.
    Take care of yourself and just take one day at a time.Leexx


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