Friday, 5 June 2020

Moving on.

Good morning. I was on a bit of a downer yesterday, I know, that's not like me at all. But somehow all the shite going on in the world got to me. I put the computer on first thing, had a browse while I drank my coffee, and an hour later turned it off. I could take no more.

I am struggling to process why there is so much hate, why is there so much anger, why are people destroying everything around them. None of it makes any sense to me. I always think there is a solution to a problem, but it seems words now are not enough to work through something. The only way is to hit out.

I had to go for a walk yesterday morning, I had to sit on the memorial bench surrounded by fields and nature, and try and work things out in my head. I made a video, recording my thoughts. That helped but on checking it I wont put it out there. Just saying the words out loud helped.

I need to take a step back, I need to banish all news media from my computer. I need to re focus on what is important to me, and that is keeping up the links to those who, like me, are trying to have  some resemblance of a normal life. Those of us who are trying to go about our daily lives, in the midst of all this mayhem going on around us. One bonus point is that my trolls have disappeared.

I stopped to chat to a friend after my walk, she understands, we are on the same wavelength. Later on while I was making my dinner she came to the door and handed me a bottle of black acrylic paint. I had mentioned that I had run out. They had been shopping and picked some up for me. I had declined to buy it from The Range, because it is so expensive. I can wait to find a cheaper alternative. That was a lovely gesture from my friends.

So, it's the beginning of another day, and I have to move on, as we all do. I don't have any answers about the current situation, and I am fed up of searching for them. One of the yoootooobers I follow has recently moved to an island on the Hebrides, he is very happy. Seems like a good move to me.

It's been raining overnight, glad I mowed the lawns yesterday. The food I put out for the birds has been scoffed, green grapes and seeded bread. The sky looks a bit stormy with a bit of brightness, maybe it won't rain again. Now I'm going to get my breakfast.
Toodle pip.  ilona

28 comments:

  1. Ilona, I felt exactly the same yesterday and admit I had a bit of a cry! My cat killing a baby starling when I turned my back didn't help matters - and later on I found a mouse that she'd had. I often think I'd like to live in an isolated crofter cottage up in the Scottish Highlands. Maybe it's just me wanting to bury my head in the sand. Hope today is better for you. Rainy here with the odd bit of sunshine.

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    1. I can forgive my cats for their naughtiness, I think it's only one of the three which is the killer. I say sorry to the limp little body as I put it in the bin. Living in a small community appeals to me.

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  2. I do hope you are feeling a lot better today, I try hard not to listen to the news to much it really upsets me. I have enough with my own problems. Well it's a little colder so I hope to get into garden in a minute, I hope to paint my concrete animals i came back with me when I moved.

    That was kind of your friend to get the paint and I look forward to seeing your next masterpiece.
    Have a nice weekend IIona.
    Hazel c uk 🌈🌈🌈

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    1. Yes, feeling better, thanks. I've got the black artwork on the table and I'm now going to get on with it. Distraction is the answer I think. Have a nice weekend yourself.

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  3. I felt exactly the same as you yesterday. Couldn't put my finger on why I should feel that way but thankfully I too am my normal chipper self today.

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    1. I know what triggered it off for me, something I caught a glimpse of on a news report. I tried to quickly scroll past it, but too late, my heart sank. I didn't see the outcome but I could imagine it.

      We have to carry on, there is no alternative.

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  4. It seems like such a bad world to live in at the moment doesn't it, so much hatred and pain. You did exactly the right thing and went and sat in nature, it's the only thing that's calming me at the moment.

    I think we are all on a knife edge and it only takes one little thing to bring on anger or tears.

    I hope your art piece goes to plan, it's looking very promising.

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    1. I am trying very hard to blot things from my mind. Sometimes it's easy because my memory isn't so good, but then something absolutely horrific comes along. Then it's almost embedded and will remain there, only to emerge at a later date to haunt me forever.

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  5. I won't watch the news on tv. I deleted loads of people on Facebook. I try to live in my little bubble on my boat with Steve and Beano.

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    1. Best way I think. I am unsubscribing some yoootooob channels, anything to do with news and the current situation. Facebook is not a problem for me, I only use it to check on art groups I am following. Occasionally someone will twist the topic round to moan about politics, but they are soon pounced on.

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  6. Hang in there Ilona. We'll get through this.

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  7. I think lots of us are having days like that at the moment, very weird times. I agree that watching the news is depressing and sometimes it's good to pull back and focus on the smallest and nearest things, like watching the birds nesting, concentrating on the kind people in our communities, being kind to ourselves, gardening and so on. Sometimes, recently, life just feels out of control, possibly because no-one seems to know how things are going to unfold. Concentrating on what we can control helps me and being in nature and the garden helps me to switch off from the wider world. I live in a small community in the north of Scotland but sometimes feel that I could happily live even more remotely and more simply. Unfortunately, work and study commitments in the family won't allow for that (bring on more home-working!). Take care Ilona. Bad days always pass even if they're hard to cope with at the time xx

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    1. I feel battered and bruised by all the depressing news bandied about. I have to sing from a new song sheet. I don't care what's going on, nothing to do with me.

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  8. Sorry to hear you're feeling down. It's not surprising given everything that's happened since March. Just admit like you I find solace in my garden and keeping busy. Lockdown has been bad enough but on top of that my son and his wife and my little five year old granddaughter live in Brooklyn. They have had a terrible time with Covid and now all the protests. I try to be thankful they are all safe and well. I love Terry too, he always cheers me up!! Keep your chin up Ilona and take it one day at a time xxx

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    1. I do feel sorry for the innocent people caught up in the covid and now the riots. But I have to tell myself that I can't do anything about it. I was a bit disappointed with one of Terry's videos I watched recently. Too much talking and mucking about. He has an amazing talent, I watch him for his keyboard skills.

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  9. Not like you at all, Ilona, you're normally so cheerful. The news is so disheartening at the moment, I try to avoid it as much as possible.

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  10. I think all of us have had a similar downer day, proves we are human. I had something similar all the hate and violence just got to me. I went and weeded out a whole raised bed of veg, watered the rest and ate several strawberries that had ripened; felt much better after that!I think the only way to cope is to concentrate on what we can do , enjoy the beautiful countryside and be thankful we live in a country where there is the opportunity to walk safely in the fresh air.

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    1. And now you will get a better crop of veg. Good move.

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  11. Indeed. You put words to how so many of us feel. Some days putting one foot in front of the other and being grateful for the small ways each day is blessed keeps one's head above the water to fight another day. Hugs, Ilona!

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    1. When you go down, the only way is up. I am trying to keep focussed on the things that matter to me, and ignore the things I cannot change.

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  12. I know what you mean and I felt a bit that it was only nature that was keeping me going some days.We had been going for some lovely walks at a nature reserve,only about 5 mins drive away.Then last week there was two attacks there...one afternoon,2 women got smashed over the head with a bottle and had to be taken to the Queens Hospital in Nottingham...then a couple of days later a guy was attacked in the same way.Each time the attacker just leaving them there and running away.It has some lovely woodland paths there and a big lake where you can see all the wildlife with their babies.Now those lovely paths have turned into a scary place and I am afraid for us to go there again.For anyone on here from Leicestershire,who isnt aware,it happened at Watermead Park.Stay safe.xx

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    1. That sounds like a place to stay away from.

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  13. Hello Ilona, I'm thinking the world has gone mad, personally when I feel down I bring up yooootooob and watch and listen to Terry Wogan doing the Janet and John stories, always good to make you smile. Margaret x

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    1. Yes, it's stark staring bonkers the way some people behave. I often wonder if it's some kind of mental illness which drives people to extremes.

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  14. I'm feeling the same as you Ilona and like you, I just became overwhelmed by it all last week. The world feels like a merry-go-round of madness that I can't control. I've deleted some social media temporarily and am just focussed on my small bubble of life...crafts, grandson, dog walks, reading, and my tiny garden. Take care of yourself. Lynne

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  15. PS. Ilona, your trolls are probably in a queue somewhere trying to buy a burger x

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