Tuesday, 29 December 2020

A love lost.

I went into the wardrobe to get some albums out, I know there are photographs in there which need sorting. I came across some letters which I had forgotten about, from 50 years ago. How long are you supposed to keep them? 
I was 20 and went on holiday with a friend, and my boyfriend wrote to me at the hotel in Majorca. I was mad about him, and he was about about me. 

 We were together about 18 months I think. I had a flat and he had a house. He was eleven years older than me and divorced, and had a steady job, two jobs in fact. I met him at work, he worked part time at the same place as I worked full time. He asked me to go for a drink, I made an excuse and said no. Then a day or so later I regretted it and told him I had changed my mind, and hoped it wasn't too late. He said no it wasn't, so I met him for a drink. 

I liked him, he was good looking, mature, considerate, honest, and steady. I met his mother. Apparently she was a bit concerned because I was quite a bit younger than her son. I was 20 and he was 31. He treated me well, we went out dancing, on holiday, and were getting on great. He was pleased to see me when I arrived back from holiday. 

He loved playing snooker and was very good at it. He belonged to a snooker club and would often win tournaments. I accompanied him on many of these outings to play in other clubs in the area. I was proud to be his girlfriend. Dressing up in fashionable clothes so he would be proud of me. 

After a while, his passion for snooker meant that he was playing more often. I still accompanied him but I realised that we weren't doing much else. I was becoming a snooker widow. 

Then my attention was diverted by someone else who worked at my place, who just happened to be from my home town. We started chatting and he was a lot of fun. More fun than my boyfriend. He was exciting and spontaneous, would do things on the spur of the moment like lets go a ride out in the car. He had a big car. This was quite appealing to me. Life with the snooker player was becoming a bit too predictable. 

There was an overlap by about a month when I went out with both of them. Two timing it was called at the time. It couldn't go on, so I gently let my snooker player go, in the best way you can when you finish with someone. I was 20 and didn't want to be tied down. My snooker player proposed to me in the hope that I would stay with him, but it was too late. 

I chose the new relationship, it was more fun, exciting, crazy almost. He was crazy, a right Jack the lad type. He had an answer for everything, nothing bothered him. We moved in together in another town. I tried to make it work, we got a flat. A short time later I realised I had made a massive error of judgement. He worked a lot, and went out without me. I also got a job, but I was expected to do all the washing and cleaning, and have his dinner ready for him every night. Make endless cups of tea, then he would get dressed up and go out. I mostly went to bed on my own because he was always late back. I felt as if I had failed, but I knew I had to leave. I found a flatshare with a girl and moved out. 

Funny how things turn out, one decision can change everything. I had my life ahead of me, and at 20 I had very little experience of boyfriends. I threw away the love of a kind,  older man, and regret hurting him. If I had accepted his proposal I could have been a grandma by now. 

Karma caught up with me and I in turn was hurt. It served me right. I have no regrets, it's the way I played it. You win some you lose some. 

I hope my snooker player found someone nice to spend his life with. I hope he found happiness with her. I am ok, I hope he is. If he is still around. 

Time to go to bed I think. Toodle pip. Catch up soon.  ilona


17 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing your story. I have had several men in my life that I loved but walked away from for various reasons. Would be funny if we could go back in time wouldn't it? Would we make the same choice again? who knows. In the last couple years I have downsized a lot of my memory totes and still have about half left to do. The pandemic is the perfect time for us to get organized. Love from America.

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  2. With both relationships having failed, I'd say it is time to throw away the letters.

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  3. I met my husband at 16 (only boyfriend) and married on my 2oth birthday and widowed at 48. It's strange how life goes, I was never going to get married so young but we had a great marriage (2chikdren) I never wanted to get married again I travelled a lot had a good career and had a good full life. We only get one life - it is not a rehearsal - so make the most of it.
    Hazel c uk 🌈🌈🌈

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  4. Its lovely of you to share your memories.I think alot of us have wondered over the years...what if I had taken that turn in life?...I know I do!.I too still have letters of this sort from 50 odd years ago from a boy who was my boyfriend at school.He died,falling from his bike in 1968 and I was heart broken,even though I was only 13.I still visit his grave when I go to the cemetery.After that there was an assortment of boyfriends,engaged at 16 then again at 17.I was pregnant at 16 but miscarried.I met my future husband when I was just turned 18,got pregnant within the month and had an abortion 4 months later in Birmingham.Its strange I always went for the bad boy sort.Like you say,the Jack the lad.,,As for how long we keep these letters, I dont know.I still have mine.xxx

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    1. I will keep the letters. and a few photo's of him. Also other boyfriends who were very special to me.

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  5. I would keep the letters ,that is if only they make you feel happy to look back on good times, to read them occasionally and be reminded of happy times and that someone really loved you is a positive thing in my book but that's just me. Just before Christmas I found an album that my first boyfriend gave to me when we broke up, I played it and was transported back to a happy time, it is also an album that has a track which is very relevant at this moment in time. The album is Only visiting this planet by Larry Norman, the first and last track were for me but the most poignant track is called I'd wish we'd all been ready, it is on you tube. I am not a Christian but it always gets me.I feel that memories are part of our lives but like everything else we choose the ones we want to keep.

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    1. Yes I will keep the letters. We did have happy times, I have photographs.

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  6. Your snooker player sounds like a lovely man and I do hope he found happiness. It's strange sometimes the choices we make and it never pays to look back, just go forward in the best way we know how. Personally, I would not keep his letter. It depends on whether it makes you feel nostalgic (keep it) or sad (dispose of it). Thank you for sharing your story Ilona.

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    1. Yes, he was. He deserved someone better than me. I was a free spirit and a bit of a flirt. He was rock solid. I saw our relationship as being shackled. I will put the letters away again and get them out in ten years.

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    2. I think you may be overestimating the man who "deserved someone better than me." He was more interested in snooker than in having a fulfilling relationship with you. He expected you to be his housewife (or maid). In the future, he may have grown up, too, and become a wonderful man, but I think you made the right decision at the time (even though not in the best possible way). Although I've been married for 53 years, I often think of the young man whom I hurt terribly at age 19, and wonder what might have been. This is just a reminder that every single thing we do, no matter how innocuous, has consequences for what happens next, and next, and next. (Kind of like time travel--get back at the wrong time and look what happens!).

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  7. I hope I did not cause offense when I wrote about the Lifeline. I just think in these uncertain times any help available to keep us independent is worth considering.

    I cannot imagine that you would have been happy with the snooker player as you would have been bored in no time. You always remind me of a bird that cant be caged. A free spirit with your own mind on what you will or will not accept.

    I have been married 44 years and the compromises that have had to go on to get this far, well I cant imagine you putting up with them.(Smiley face)

    Really enjoy your blogs and video content although I don't comment much I am an avid reader.

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    1. No, not offended, a bit shocked. I had to think carefully about how to reply, without offending you. No harm done. You have done well to make 44 years.

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  8. It's quite scary how some decisions we make (sometimes lightly) can have such a huge influence on our future lives.

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    1. When we are young, we don't realise the repercussions. At the time I never thought about spending my life as a singleton, nor did I think I would be exclusively attached to someone.

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  9. Hello Ilona, greetings from West Wales..... Or maybe I should say 'Wet Wales' as I think we'll all be growing webbed feet here before long! Your post made me think back to the '70's..... what a time that was, lol! The Summer of' 74 is a time I'll remember forever. I also ended up seeing two men, they both knew about the other as I didn't keep it a secret, and they were both terrible womanisers anyway! Sounds awful but that's the way it was back then - a good time was had by all, haha. If I could go back in time I'd probably do it all over again. No regrets. We all stayed friends and we used to laugh about the 'good old days'. Sadly they've both passed on now and I do miss them, but I'm glad I never married or lived with either of them, it would have been disastrous, lol! I'm glad you're keeping your letters. 🙂. Xxx

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  10. Thankyou for telling us this story.i really do believe every connection we have with someone be it long or short shapes us in some way and is never wasted.youve lived your life in an independent way and I'm sure your stronger for this.it is nice to look back at memory's then go on our way ahead againx

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  11. Our life changes, the moment we make a new decision, what comes after, is consequence of that one decision... It's the same with all of us. No one can walk our shoes, walk our path or take decision, it's part of being alive...
    Happy New Year, Ilona, let's hope we will have reasons to celebrate 2021. For me, being alive, hoping to be able to walk by the beach, taking care of my family, enlarged to the paws's members. it's okay. Lots of good mood, a bit of sarcasm, lots of health, sunshine and love, good vibes only !!!

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