Nellie speaks

 Hello. We haven't heard from Nellie Knowitall in yonks. She disappeared off the scene some time ago. I've just dug out an old money saving tips post from her, it was published in 2013. Anyway, she is back, and I've pestered her to dig deep into her commonsense library of problem solving solutions. I know she will have the answers we are all looking for. 

Here is the question, Nellie. How come the UK has 212,000 unfulfilled posts in health and social care, and what can be done to fill the vacancies? Bit of a puzzler that one, eh!

Thank you ilona for bringing my attention to this dilemma. I will do my best to answer it. And thank you for asking me back, by the way. Pleased to share my extensive knowledge on this sensitive subject. 

I think we must tackle the cause first before we get to the solution. Why is there such a shortage of workers in health and social care? It is my understanding that the government scared people half to death by telling everyone that they are going to catch some bugs and would soon die. Who would want to work in that kind of environment? That was the start of a few people re evaluating their position. Thankfully they didn't all leave and go elsewhere. A new plan was to clear the wards and send a lot of the oldies back into care homes. That way the hospitals could be ready for this predicted rush of poorly people. 

That put the care home staff under pressure, they had a lot more people to look after. Some of them left and moved on, thankfully some stayed. 

Once the little pricks had been distributed, everyone heaved a sigh of relief. Now we have the means to get on top of this nasty bug. They said if everyone in the world took part in this we can wipe it out. That was the original idea anyway. I don't think they had thought it through enough. But hey ho, let's give it a try. Prepare for battle, we will crush the little blighters. Let's rally the troupes. 

And so they did. Lots, and I mean lots and lots, of pricks were dished out, everyone enthusiastically joined in. Well almost everyone. The future looked pretty good for a while. Just as a precaution, in case the pricks failed, they decided to lock everyone in their houses and make them wear a mask when they went outside. That should do the trick. Well maybe, but worth a try. 

The trouble was all this didn't stop the little bugs, if we were to believe the number crunching that went on behind closed doors. No, more drastic steps need to be taken. Another idea they came up with was why not make it a rule that the staff all had to partake in the prick programme. If they didn't want to they would automatically lose their job. That seems hardly fair. These caring angels are what keeps the NHS and care homes going. What happens if they decide they don't want the prick, and then face getting the sack. 

And so it happened. They went elsewhere to find alternative employment. So now, after the mass exodus, there aren't enough staff left to look after everyone who needs help with their health matters. 

Swishi now has the job of sorting this mess out. I don't hold out much hope for him. He will never have to worry about his own and his family's health. He will never find himself on a waiting list for a hernia operation. Now I believe he is playing with an idea to address the shortage of health workers, but he apparently doesn't want to say much about it at the moment. 

And now the solution. It is obvious to me that there are huge numbers of fit and able bodied people, mostly men, landing on our shores. They could be trained up to fill the vacancies. It would take them off the streets and give them something to look forward to. They would be so busy learning a new trade they wouldn't have time to mooch around looking for a punch up, and eyeing up pretty young women. The surge of male testosterone can be a curse if there is a shortage of willing participants. If we haven't got enough of these overseas visitors to fill the jobs, we could always bring in some more. 

I think my idea is pretty good, it might work. We have vacancies in all sectors of the workplace, not just the NHS and care homes. We have an excess of visitors, why not marry the two together. Ooops, I think Swishi might have trumped me on this one, I have just read the article. He is already toying with this idea. Bugger. 

This is Nellie signing off for the weekend. I hope you have enjoyed my contribution to this wonderful blog. Thank you to ilona for inviting me back. We will meet again. 

Nellie Knowitall.